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feel upset about this - aibu?

(20 Posts)
tisrainingagain Sat 12-Jul-14 21:45:21

H not speaking to me. Wesidestepped onflict over lots of things. I took the dc to my cousin's wedding on Friday and got back on Saturday to find that he is still not talking (or hardly) but of course be of lovely to the dc. Shortly after we arrived home he left with the ingredients for soup in a bag to measure up somebody's kitchen that he has done renovation work for over many years. Dd1 asked him why and he sidestepped her question. When he came back she asked him again and he said that he had shown her how to make a particular soup. Actually made it with her.

So am I being unreasonable to be so upset that the did this nice thing for somebody else while ostracising me / showing me any affection / speaking coldly and shortly to me the times that he actually has to communicate. It feels like an oddly intimate thing to have done.

tisrainingagain Sat 12-Jul-14 21:46:29

Are not sidestepped!

tisrainingagain Sat 12-Jul-14 21:48:21

Sorry for typos! Am out but brooding over all of this and feeling oddly betrayed.

StandsOnGoldenSands Sat 12-Jul-14 21:48:38

I think we need more context and explanation I'm afraid.

You haven't been getting on and then he went and made soup with a female friend - ? Is that right ?

No you are not being unreasonable to be upset at the immature way he is sulking & ignoring you & your child.

tisrainingagain Sat 12-Jul-14 21:53:32

Will give more context when I get home. Thanks for posts.

Quitelikely Sat 12-Jul-14 22:21:12

Hmm so he's being a twat with you but went to another woman's house and made soup with her? Very very odd IMO. Not something I would allow. He does these things because you allow them. Put your foot down.

Quitelikely Sat 12-Jul-14 22:21:35

Or insist at the very least you go along for soup!

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 12-Jul-14 22:25:39

FFS! He left the ingredients got her to make a soup, presumably for you all. Grow up.

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 12-Jul-14 22:26:04

For her to make a soup.

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 12-Jul-14 22:28:16

I read it (difficultly) as OP out. When got back, h had left ingredients for a meal. OP is whining. OP is hard work.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sat 12-Jul-14 22:38:10

No he went out with the ingredients to make a soup, and made it with the other woman at her house. Is that correct OP?
So he went to have dinner/make dinner at another woman's house whilst measuring up a job?!

Onesleeptillwembley Sat 12-Jul-14 22:44:00

Ah yes, left with the ingredients. Just realised.

MagersfonteinLugg Sat 12-Jul-14 22:53:32

I think making soup for another woman, unless she's his gran, is a big red flag.

tisrainingagain Sun 13-Jul-14 00:25:22

Am back.

Yes, he took the ingredients with him to make soup at the woman's house. She has been a customer of his for a long time and he has worked on her house and other(s) that she rents out. He went to measure up the latest job and took along the ingredients. My guess is that they must have been talking about food at some point and the subject of this particular soup must have come up?

I think she is roughly a similar age to my h (who is 12 years older than me) or a bit younger than him. At one point her adopted child's father was no longer on the scene but then I heard that he was back. I have no idea whether they are together at the moment or not or even if he was involved in the soup making confused. He has always liked this woman but as far as I know it has always been a friendly professional relationship.

However in the context of how difficult we find each other at times, and the fact that he is ostracising me at the moment, him going off to presumably be all nice to someone while he showed them his recipe (slight vom emoticon if there was one) makes me feel very jealous and hurt.

The subject of our relationship itself would take pages to write about - I've posted about it under this name and others. The problem is that I now feel like everything is seriously unravelling as it is getting to the point that I cannot stand the hurt (when it happens) and the general lack of communication and affection.

I feel incredibly lonely and stuck. It almost feels as if the soup making is the confirmation that h really doesn't want me around. It's all a big mess and I don't know what to do.

HumblePieMonster Sun 13-Jul-14 01:14:17

Not sounding too good there. Soup together sounds too cosy to me.

What's your plan if it turns out to be serious?

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun Sun 13-Jul-14 03:04:25

What a horrible situation, because he well and truly has his feet under this womans table.

xxxx

ConstableOdo Sun 13-Jul-14 04:19:40

Onesleep - don't tell the OP to 'Grow up'. Read the rest of the thread and establish context before you make remarks like that.

ConstableOdo Sun 13-Jul-14 04:20:09

She has it bad enough from her husband without having to take flak off people like you.

hamptoncourt Sun 13-Jul-14 14:47:18

Ok, so there is a big back story to this and this is the proverbial straw OP?

Do you want to stay in a relationship with this man?

Nobody has to stay in an unhappy relationship you know, not even if you have DC.

If you want to split you need a plan.

Solicitor would be my first stop.

If you want to make it work then he has to play his part in trying to fix this. Nobody ever fixed a crap relationship on their own.

Good luck.

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