to stop dds father having contact tomorrow?

[powersquawker]

Dd is 6, we've been separated since pregnancy. ExH was abusive to me in every way and still uses dd to try and control and manipulate me. He has her eow usually and no more despite me offering.

Six months ago, dd decided she wanted to try a theatre group. This was a pretty big deal as she has ASD. When it came to preparing for the show, she auditioned and was given a part which she was extremely chuffed about. I told exH at the time, as did dd. When the show dates came out it transpired that they fell on dds weekend with him, which I told him and offered to swap to save him having to drive back and forth as he's 25 mins away from the theatre and I'm only 5. He refused to swap, but told dd she could do the show.

Dd has been practising for 3 hours each week since, then 6 hours each week for the past two weeks and has been loving it. Her father decided last week that actually, she couldn't do the show because he didn't want to take her. I offered swapping again and told him how well dd is doing and how much she loves it and wants him to watch. He just said no, despite making it clear there are no other plans.

For the first time ever I made a unilateral decision and said it was unfortunate he wasn't supportive, but that after all the effort she'd put in, dd would be doing the show. I offered that he collect her tomorrow from 9-5 or have her overnight and drop to school. He kicked off massively about the show but ignored the part about tomorrow, despite me asking him to let me know asap. He has form for leaving it until an hour before offered contact to accept/decline as I think he likes the power of keeping dd and I on our toes. I have previously said contact should be arranged at least 48 hours beforehand.

He sent me a text this afternoon saying he'll be collecting dd in the morning. She accepted an invitation for us to go on a day out with her friend yesterday because I figured it had passed the 48 hour window I've previously asked for. I'm torn between feeling bad because if I cancel tomorrow I've cancelled his whole weekend and feeling I need to stand up to him re: the 48 hour thing or he will forever think he can mess dd and I around.

What do you think?

I totally agree Lwej good on you. Op ex does not care a jot about his dd and her feelings or needs, he is unable to put hers above his own. Any decent father would love to go to his dd show and totally support her, he has shown he has not! He is manipulating her, and using her as an emotional pawn. Cancelling at the last mini ute, telling her she cannot take part in something she has her heart set on, work on for weeks! ASD or not, this is unacceptable for any child!

Op has every right to have a 48 hour rule for contact cancelling, this is done in her dd best interests, and in this case it most certainly is and sends the message to ex that he cannot mess his dd about like that, that it is not accepted. If it was court ordered contact, they would take a dim view of him messing contact arrangements, it would count against him in court!

Therefore op has ever right to put boundaries in place to prevent upset to her dd and to keep his messing about to a minimum.

Kawliga you are being somewhat rigid in your interpretation of things. I strongly suggest you back down a little. The child concerned has ASD. The welfare of the mother will have some impact on a child, ergo messing around is both valid and infact taken into account in court.