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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get a pony for my DD2?

98 replies

JustDontWantToSay · 10/07/2014 00:29

I have a strong background in horses, I haven't owned one since Uni due to circumstances but I've always retained an interest and ridden when the opportunity arose. In fact, I ran a small livery yard with 6 horses on my own for a year.

I was keen for DD1 to ride - and she did. For about a year, walk-trot-canter-small jump sort of thing. But she just 'did it' if you see what I mean. There was no passion there and riding is an expensive hobby so I said right, that's it. She wasn't bothered and has plenty of other hobbies.

DD2 has sat on ponies and been lead on hacks, etc. since she was 2. Her legs don't reach below the saddle flaps so I've put off giving her lessons. She's 7 now, but a particularly small 7. When she does ride she loves it and she's fearless.

Anyway, I decided tonight that I'd like to get DD2 a pony. Only on loan, keep it on DIY livery nearby (plenty of yards, I'd probably choose the one at their school which is really close by). I can really see DD2 absolutely loving it, but naturally DD1 has complained massively because I didn't get her a pony. BECAUSE she didn't want one.

So AIBU? Or just treating each child as an individual?

OP posts:

JerseySpud · 12/07/2014 17:36

i think yabu

dd1 is 7 and loves riding. dd2 is 3 and is even more into it than dd1. dd1 doesnt ask me for a pony. dd2 does.

i think its more a case of you want the pony rather than dd2

Original poster

JustDontWantToSay · 13/07/2014 21:09

Really incredible how some people can be so sour! Why look for the worst in a situation rather than see the best?

OP posts:

ObfusKate · 13/07/2014 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SignYourName · 13/07/2014 21:20

Sour? I don't see any sourness, just some people advising caution, some good advice about getting your younger DD more experience, and some people urging you on.

You were expecting maybe a ticker tape parade?

pebbble · 13/07/2014 21:34

Section B's arent (supposed to be) over 13.2hh! ;-) that said, any good pony of that height regardless of breed is a good find so hope it works out for you!

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 21:36

Sour? Err no, more surprised that you, as a seemingly experienced equestrian, would make the decision to get a loan pony & do so within such a small time frame...

trufflesnout · 13/07/2014 21:40

Oh dear OP, that was a tad hasty... maybe you should have posted in the horse topic for some advice from horse owners?

GothMummy · 13/07/2014 22:34

Oh thats great, I hope he/she works out and that you all love him. 13.2h/13.3hh is a great size, we all share my 14.2 hh, even my toddler daughter. Hes steadier and calmer than our 11.2hh.

And the great thing about a loan is that you can send him back if he turns out to be unsuitable for your daughters. That is the point of "loan with a view to buy". We had our 11.2hh on loan with a view to buy for 3 months before finally buying him.

And dont worry about it being a sudden or impulsive decision, as long as you have essentials/stabling/insurance sorted etc. I have two "impulse buys", my own horse who I bought from Whatton sales in 1991 as an 18 month old, and my mother's horse who I bought aged 6 months old in 1993. We still have both of them!

Joysmum · 14/07/2014 06:09

Sour? Err no, more surprised that you, as a seemingly experienced equestrian, would make the decision to get a loan pony & do so within such a small time frame...

How can anyone know what time frame this was done in?

Yes it's close to when the OP was written but likelihood is it had been considered and mulled over for ages before it was written. It took me 33 years to buy my first pony but not everybody would have been aware of the full amount of time I'd been thinking about it.

Also, about the vetting etc, it could be the OP knew the pony before hand and I don't know of anyone who has vetted a loan.

Typical mumsnet where a bunch of judgey strangers think they know it all and assume the worst.

BolshierAyraStark · 14/07/2014 07:54

We know because in the OP written on Thursday she stated she'd decided tonight...

SignYourName · 14/07/2014 08:14

Typical mumsnet where a bunch of judgey strangers think they know it all and assume the worst

There are plenty of threads at which that accusation could be justifiably levelled, but this isn't one of them.

Yes, the OP may have been planning it for ages, but that's not the impression she gives in her posts, and that's all we have to go on. In 24 hours she goes from "I've decided tonight I want to get my particularly tiny 7yo a max 12.2 pony" to "wahey, I've got a 13.3 Welshie from tomorrow". At the point she writes her OP she doesn't give any indication that any of them are currently riding regularly, she doesn't have a place at a yard reserved, she doesn't even appear to have viewed any yards (her preference seems to be based on proximity to school rather than suitability of facilities etc). None of what she has written screams "carefully thought out plan".

Now, she might have meant "I've been mulling it over for ages and I decided tonight..." and she might have omitted to say in her OP "there's a nice pony on one of the yards I've viewed that would make a mother-daughter share but it's bigger than ideal for my DD2..." But she didn't.

Those of us preaching caution or expressing surprise at the speed at which it all appears - on the available evidence - to have progressed are probably those who have seen what can happen when it does go wrong: children overhorsed and put off riding for life, loans ending in bad feeling due to lack of a carefully-drawn up contract, ponies ruined through inexperienced handling or sent back lame and worthless. It's a big step and a huge responsibility and there's a living animal who has no say in the matter caught up in the middle of it, so a note of caution is no bad thing IMO, and certainly not to be dismissed as "sourness" or "judginess".

Booboostoo · 14/07/2014 08:26

Anyone experienced with horses knows that you proceed with extreme caution when you want to buy even if it is a loan with a view to buy. Viewing the pony twice, getting it vetted and getting a loan with a view to buy agreement in writing are really basic things you can do to protect yourself, the owner and the pony.

joysmum I know plenty of people who have vetted loan ponies and you would certainly get a loan with view to buy. Imagine if you start the loan and then a problem emerges, the owner claims you caused it and must continue with the purchase and you claim it was pre-existing and you try to return the pony - why get yourself in an unnecessary mess? Loans are also vetted to look for long term conditions that may affect the cost of keeping the pony and sometimes for insurance purposes.

todayisnottheday · 14/07/2014 08:33

Trufflesnout a lot of the posters here are horse people. We have ponies and I still think it seems like it's more for the op than the dc which seems to be true as she's got a pony they can all ride. However it's her choice, her life etc. She asked for opinions and got them. If she wanted a string of "oooh cute idea how sweeeeeet" she would have posted anywhere except Mumsnet!

trufflesnout · 14/07/2014 22:43

I think you misunderstood me, today.

trufflesnout · 14/07/2014 22:50

OP complained that people were being sour, hence the suggestion she should have posted in the tack room. I agree with all your points. I opened my post with "OP you've been a bit hasty" or words to that effect. Not sure where you thought I was the "cute pony " type.

Happy36 · 14/07/2014 22:57

You are not being unreasonable. If your younger daughter wants a horse and you want to give her one that is fine. However your older daughter is only a child and is reasonable in feeling a bit left out. Speak to her gently and remind her that she didn´t want a horse. Perhaps there is something else she´d like and certainly I expect she would love some spoiling (doesn´t have to be financial...perhaps some quality time with you doing something she really enjoys, a thoughtful surprise treat, etc. Maybe something that makes her feel more grown-up than her little sister).

todayisnottheday · 14/07/2014 22:57

No, sorry trufflesnout, I was kind of addressing the various objections in one go but started out addressing you making it sound like it was all aimed at you when it was actually just the first sentence, the rest was more general. Very badly written post, sorry. It's actually the op I think was the one expecting "pretty pony "

trufflesnout · 14/07/2014 23:02

No worries today. Where is OP anyway probably shovelling muck

todayisnottheday · 14/07/2014 23:14

Never, my ponies are da best innit

Original poster

JustDontWantToSay · 16/07/2014 01:05

Oops, here I am!

Right - by sour I meant that some of the comments being made reminded me of a little old woman with her lips tightly pursed. Not bothered - as we all know - when you post on MN you get honesty!!! FWIW I did post on the horsey board but no replies....

Background - yes Id been weighing up getting a pony for years. But it was never the right time for one reason or another and I really didn't want it to be a half hearted thing. Eventually I decided that it was time to go for it - so I did. He's on loan for a month but I've already decided to buy him. I asked to move him to another better yard but she said no, not until I buy him. Shame because the other yard would have allowed me to get a much better feel for him.

And yes, sorry, he's 13.2hh not 13.3hh - my mistake!

OP posts:

Happy36 · 16/07/2014 01:10

Hope it all works out well, happy riding!xx

Greythorne · 16/07/2014 01:19

Is your name Jill, OP?

Booboostoo · 16/07/2014 09:12

The reason I tend to be negative in these kinds of threads is that it is very easy to get excited about a pony, puppy, kitten - who wouldn't? But the reality of being stuck with a sick or behaviourally challenged pet is altogether different.

If the owner gave you a month's loan take your time OP. Do as much with the pony as possible, hack him out as much as possible, take him out in a trailer, just check on how he reacts to everything. If he seems solid in a couple of weeks then see if you can put a child on him in a very well controlled environment and get an idea of how he reacts to a novice rider.

I got a HW cob for DP when he was a real novice, but I didn't let him anywhere near the (experienced and totally chilled) horse for 6 weeks because that is how long it took me to assess him.

Take it slowly and be cautious.

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