To get a pony for my DD2?

[JustDontWantToSay]

I have a strong background in horses, I haven't owned one since Uni due to circumstances but I've always retained an interest and ridden when the opportunity arose. In fact, I ran a small livery yard with 6 horses on my own for a year.

I was keen for DD1 to ride - and she did. For about a year, walk-trot-canter-small jump sort of thing. But she just 'did it' if you see what I mean. There was no passion there and riding is an expensive hobby so I said right, that's it. She wasn't bothered and has plenty of other hobbies.

DD2 has sat on ponies and been lead on hacks, etc. since she was 2. Her legs don't reach below the saddle flaps so I've put off giving her lessons. She's 7 now, but a particularly small 7. When she does ride she loves it and she's fearless.

Anyway, I decided tonight that I'd like to get DD2 a pony. Only on loan, keep it on DIY livery nearby (plenty of yards, I'd probably choose the one at their school which is really close by). I can really see DD2 absolutely loving it, but naturally DD1 has complained massively because I didn't get her a pony. BECAUSE she didn't want one.

So AIBU? Or just treating each child as an individual?

YANBU. Wish I could get a pony for me. I reckon a little Welsh section B would fit the bill.

And I agree about buying a different lovely treat for DD1.

Agreed with a loaned pony as a share.
I had my pony three days a week alternating weekends. He lived at a riding stables so I had my lessons on him but also looked after him. It was great. I had a pony and looked after him but he also got ridden by others, he was under the stables insurance and he was looked after when we were in holiday. As he was owned by the stables we got no vets, feeds or farriers bills either. This was in the 90s and i think it was around £50 a month. We got money off as he was used in lessons and i helped leading kids in beginner lessons.
I had to beg beg beg before being allowed him though and put in many hard graft hours free to prove I was prepared to shovel poo, clean tack, groom, and fill my mum's washing machine with horse hair when I took numnahs home to wash.

It would be a wonderful thing to do for dd2. Make sure you talk to dd1 about it and ask if she wants to share or would like a different treat. I remember one Christmas when we agonised about our dc 'big' present.
Dd who was 9 wanted a new saddle for her pony and her 13 year old brother wanted a Swiss Army knife with all the attachments.
We went with what they wanted and they were equally delighted.
Ponies were the most amazing enhancement of my dc's lives. I could write a book about the sheer magic of the experience as well as the hard work, the occasional heartbreak, the lifelong friendships.......oh and the expense!

Wayward I love "shitland pony" they can be can't they?

I love horses and we owned some from when I was about 9 until I was away at Uni and my Mum couldn't cope.
My DD rides and I can honestly say that unless I was a millionaire with a live in stable hand I would never own one again.
The time and commitment is just too much for our family. I know you say you would have it at livery but it's a total lifestyle change.
Sorry if you already know this and I really do love horses but especially as DC get older it's hard to fit everything in

Yanbu. Ds has his own pony and he's only 28 hours old! His pony was a rescue though, we rescued her back in Jan when She was 7 months and kept her as we thought she would make a perfect kids pony for when he's old enough to ride (if he wants to that is!) She's a little dartmoor and is very much DP's pony at the moment so if Ds decides he is not interested then she will be broken into cart and DP can exercise her that way. I second what others say about getting a native pony so your dd1 can still ride too If she wants to. My next door neighbour is 7 and is currently learning to ride on my 13.1 new forest and looks absolutely fine on her

Whoever said 7 is too young is not necessarily correct! I've ridden since I was 4, add another 44 years and I'm still riding......

Just get her lessons at first then see I get you wantvher to have it but I think you want her to enjoy what you did, personally id get her lessons and get her a pony when she is a little older and she will grow then the pony is just a pet I wouldnt worry about dd1 she has her own thing going on

YANBU.

I had a pony from toddler age. my DB never showed and interest and therefore never had one. he did however have a top of the range bike as that was his interest. I am the elder though so he did occasionally ride mine and knows how to ride, he just doesn't have the interest.

I have 3DC - the eldest (4) shows no interest in horses, my elder DT (2) will sit on if one is put in front of her. my younger DT is straight to the yard wanting to see them, sit up, cuddle etc. I would not think twice about only having a pony for DC3 if it continues to be only him that shows interest. also I wouldn't be looking for an equally expensive hobby for my other DC but would encourage them to find a hobby that they are passionate about and would support that.

being equal between your children isn't always about money - it is about time and effort. my parents paid for me to go to shows/gymkanas/fun rides etc. my DB played football which cost pennies in comparrision. my parents turned up to watch every match and every show. neither of us feels that we were treated unequally, only that we were encouraged in the things we loved and our parents were there to support/watch us.

I would explain to DD1 that she had the opportunity when she was younger and didn't show the interest that DD2 is showing. DD1 is a teen so sit and have a genuine conversation about why she wants one now and when you establish it is just because dd2 is getting one try and talk to her about hobbies she wold be interested in. if she is adamant she wants to ride I would ask her to get involved withDD2's pony - the mucking out/tack cleaning etc and that if she proves she is genuinely interested you will get her a pony. as PP have said, get a welsh/fell pony type and they will be strong enough to carry DD1 for the odd ride while you decide if she had genuine interest.

Make the decision in February! As you will be well aware, a pony on DIY livery is really hard work. We have one for my almost 6 year old DS (although he has been out on loan for almost a year until recently) and I'm not honestly sure that it was the right decision. He loves the pony, but I have a younger son who is not interested in it at all, and am also pregnant, and feel that I devote a really disproportionate amount of time to DS1's hobby (as Queen points out, it's not the money, it's the time). In the summer this isn't too bad at all as we can combine it with family picnics on the farm, and ds2 can come along on rides on his bike, but it was sheer hell when we did it through the winter - cold, moany children and not enough daylight to actually ride after school.

I'd look into getting her a share first, so at least you can see how committed she really is to the horse care side.

Actually I think you are being unreasonable. I think your younger dd should have lessons and see if she is still keen at the end the lessons. Also perhaps your older dd would be more passionate about riding if she had a pony of her own. My friend's dd was terrified of riding a few years ago but persevered and now has a pony share and lives and breathes horses!

I think you need to consider whether you are showing favouritism to your youngest. My dh and I laugh now, because as children, his sister had a pony, he had a fishing rod. His sister had piano lessons and swimming lessons with an Olympic coach whilst he sat on poolside with his football stickers!

My dd2 has a pony. There are 6 years between my girls, and dd1 took lessons for a while when she was 4/5 but really wasn't that bothered so I stopped wasting my money, and she was happy to stop. But dd2, who is nearly 4, loves ponies and so she has a little Shetland. Dd1 isn't at all bothered as to be honest she'd rather eat wasps than ride. She has ridden on him a couple of times but she'd rather be reading a book.

Horses for courses, as they say.

Does she want one?! You've said you want one for her but that's not the same thing. Yabu if you haven't sought her opinion!
Me and my sis got a pony between us (but there was only two years between us so similar sizes). Said pony hated me for reasons best known to herself, so after a year or so I was lucky enough to get another for myself.

Some sort of substitute for your dd1 I would say, related to a hobby she enjoys, but please please also make sure you make time for her. She may feel pushed out and terribly hurt if you and dd2 now have this marvellous new shared interest.

Look did I miss something? Why has dd2 got to have a pony? Can't she go riding once or twice a week? Help out at the stables ? Do pony weeks?

Why are you leaping from "sat on one a few times" to "quasi owning one? With bugger all steps between??

Hi, fellow horsey person here, although as you can see from my name dd has other interests...

Would it be possible for you to arrange with the riding school that she 'owns' a pony for a week in the holidays? Maybe there's someone else at the school willing to share theirs a couple of days a week from Sept onwards. As others have said, one of your own, even if it is at livery, will be a massive family time commitment, and dd2 is too young at present to take an active part in pony care herself.

Alternatively, could you buy your own and loan it out to the school for them to look after and use in lessons, on the proviso that your dd2 can ride it several times a week?

You mention that you didn't get dd1 a pony because she never showed much interest, but did you ever offer? It could be that this is why she is cheesed off - that you never asked her if she wanted one?

It sounds like you're jumping a stage tbh. As others have said lessons, pony days etc before a pony. It does sound like you want her to have one more than she wants to have one. Let her experience the reality, have a couple of sticky moments, haul out in the rain and so on then see where you are.

I warn you now it could be a massive bone of contention - I got dd a pony and ds goes on and on about it like i am really cruel . does he want a pony? no not at all.
also I warn you things change - when I bought her (cheap) I had not envisaged leading a homeless pony round the village begging for grazing.

I think it depends on the circumstances.

My DD (6) has a pony, and does PC etc. I have a horse, and a retired elderly pony. My mum also keeps her horse at ours (we have them at home).

However, unlike other posters I don't think it has taken over our lives- possibly because they are at home and so we don't have to travel to livery yard every night. I work full-time, and do shift-work, so it simply wouldn't be possible if they were all consuming.

I think it is about managing the situation- if you can do that so that you can devote time to your other DDs hobby, and can afford to, then go ahead and get the pony. If not, wait a bit longer.

I had a pony, my DB didn't want a pony and his hobby was swimming. He got ferried around to training/competitions, so although I don't think he got the same amount of money spent on him, he did get the same amount of parental support- which to me is the main consideration. I don't think you have to spend exactly the same in monetary terms, as long as you support the hobby that each child does with exactly the same enthusiasm and time commitment.

Deffo get the pony!

From people I've known who have ponies, it to some extent changes the lifestyle of the entire family, for many years, in a way that other hobbies, no matter how expensive, don't

Very true. Lots of forgone money and time and all that for a child who hasn't proven themselves to have a longing for a pony yet!

I read the OP again and I still can't help thinking the dream is hers, not her daughters.

I still think 7 is too young and I have been riding for 27 years, just didn't feel the need to qualify my statement!

If a child has a pony they should be old enough to take responsibility for a pony imo.