To ask you how we can help young carers

[Wooodpecker]

I am watching a TV programme about young carers. There is a 6 year old boy called Tyrese who is the main carer for his disabled mum. That's the same age as my son. Its truly shocking.He is loading the washing machine, washing dishes and fetching drinks and tablets. He is the same age as my son who spent his time after school playing minecraft and making Lego.

I spent my day feeling sorry for myself as my job is dull and unfulfilling. What a completley selfish idiot I am.

There are an estimated 700000 similar children with the under 7s making up the fastest growing group. How can this society accept that? I am appalled at how self centred we are. I want to help but don't know where to start.

How can we call ourselves an advanced society if we let this happen?

Have any of you got any ideas on where or how I could help?

What can we do as a collective to make a difference?

Ok, I promised to come back and here I am!

Right long story very short. I was the sole carer for my grandmother from the age of 6, by the age of 8 she was house bound and by the age of 12 bed bound. Sole carer means all sort of things and I think this is what people don't realise. So I am going to set it out below.

1. form filling - trying to fill in forms for benefits when you are still learning to read and write HUGE problem! 2)Doctors, pharmacists, hospital appointments its the sheer logistics of trying to make emergency appointments for home visits, trying to get to the pharmacist, arrange hospital transfers etc. etc not to mention that a lot of these things needs to be done in school time
2. the problems with running a house, now it is a NOT a big deal to put a load of washing in the machine as a kid and hang it out, fold it iron it and put it away, BUT when you are doing that and cooking, cleaning, dealing the care aspects, think of it this way a lot of young carers are doing 3 jobs, we go to school, we care and we run the home.
3. Shopping when you can´t drive is a living nightmare; bare in mind that I had to feed a family, the nearest supermarket was 7miles away and that there was NO bus service - oh the benefits of living a village! Same thing as going to the pharmacist I wasn´t picking up a packet of tablets I was collecting 4 or 5 large carrier bags of meds, once a week.
4. having to do bed baths, changing bed sheets with a person still in the bed, having to manoeuvre the dead weight of a person up and down the bed.

Ok to deal with the negative stereo types that a lot of people seem to have.

1. social services WHERE NOT INTERESTED in the slightest until the final year of my grandmothers life when they did arrange 2weeks residential care however granny died a week before that was due to commence.
2. My school work did NOT suffer, in fact I achieved great grades and went on to go to uni to study medicine and I have a brilliant career.
3. At NO point was I EVER neglected etc.
4. I was not forced or made to feel that I HAD to care for granny it was just the natural thing to do

The things and people that actually helped me.

1. the family friend that was a chef and just to regularly drop off "left overs" and meals for the freezer.
2. the doctors receptionist (yes I know they get a bad rep) that went out of her way to make sure I could speak to the doctor or arrange a home visit at any time of the day
3. The teacher from school, who used to go and do the shopping for me
4. the lovely local pharmacist who used to run the prescriptions down to home on his lunch break or after closing.
5. The school secretary that helped me with countless form filling, appealing benefit awards and advocated for me and my grandmother with out success but diligently for years to try and get help from social services etc.
6. The district nurse team, who I cannot speak highly enough who went out of their way and above and beyond for years to do everything they could just to make my life a little easier.
7. the next door neighbours who climbed over the fence to bring the washing in when it started to rain

and loads of other people that I have not forgotten but who did one off random things that helped even if just for a second.

Every young carer deserves and NEEDS a support network but it does not have to be from social services or the government because their just isn´t the money or resources available. WE CAN ALL be part of the that support network, In my case I campaign for each young carer I meet professionally I go to bat with social services (often in vain), I can and do refer them to the relevant services, I have helped them access support groups and tutoring when needed, I have called countless schools and made them aware of the home situation and suggested that maybe this particular child needs just a little bit of help and understanding. I have also popped round after work with frozen meals, a bit of shopping, I kindly ear, I´ve done a bit of informal form filling, should I do this is professional capacity NO, but dam it I am still a human being.

So why do I do this, its quite simple really I do because I CAN.

Do I look back on my childhood with regret, hatred or anger - NO
Do I wish I was taken into care and allowed to have a "childhood" - NO
Do I think I had a hard time of it - NO
Do I regret the lack of sleep overs, play dates, friends round, after school clubs - NO

I had a wonderful childhood full of love, laughter and fun, yes life was difficult and I grew up quickly but it has made me the person I am today and I am very glad for that.

Just because the system is falling does not mean we are powerless to help. BE the change you want to see in the world.

As someone who used to carry out Community Care Assessment, my opinion, is that we need to up the funding for Adult Social Care and Community Care Services.

We used to have a three tier system, all would have some help provided, think the old Home Helps for two hours a week.

Now only the "Critical to life" is budgeted for, so if you haven't got family that can help, your screwed.

Most packages given are still made up by Neighbours and Family members, in this case, children.

Adult Social Care isn't a vote winner, the spending has got less and less, even though we are now living with conditions that would once of killed us and living longer/having children later.

Many people are not diagnosed with MH/Personality disorders until they have children and then show up under CP.

Care packages were supposed to be merged between providers, so CP and Adult Disabilities, but in reality what is happening is people are arguing the case why they aren't responsible.

SW's are having to be more and more creative.

The cuts went deep, the average person doesn't realise the amount of budgets that were lost.

Charities that picked up the slack were hit as well. They to find they can only pick up "critical" referrals.

Throw in the mix, unstable housing, able bodied single unemployed, under 25's etc having to move away, their benefits being cut and disabled people are left high and dry.

The government has admitted that the changes of disability benefits have caused poverty and hardship, whilst not saving the country any money.

As for the removal of children?

It would cost les to fund Adult Social Care properly, than to fund Foster Care and the subsequent MH services.

Most government don't want to increase funding, it isn't popular, so Child Carers continue, because there isn't a popular answer.

I think that we all need to consider that if we don't become disabled, we are going to be old and either way we deserve care.

There are charities crying out for volunteers.

I don't agree that the "money isn't available", it is made unavailable.

I have often written on here that if every person went to work, we couldn't afford to fund our Social Care System.

We have got to stop attacking Carers, Voluntary Workers and the Unemployed (Universal Credit attacked these groups) and accept that there are roles as valuable as being a in work tax payer.

In short we need to undo the rhetoric spouted by the DM and Tories etc and realise that we can afford to run our country, money is being directed elsewhere, we should we expect a certain standard of living and housing.

Just to add that is my opinion as someone who used to oversee Care Packages and see what was done by family/friends.

That is my experience across three LA's.

"money isn't available", it is made unavailable. THIS THIS THIS!!!!

Very wise birdsgottafly

Thank you, Birds, as you say, money is made unavailable.

"money isn't available", it is made unavailable."

The uptake of Carers Direct Payments is woefully low in my LA. The only reason? People don't know about them!

Yup yup. This

^Thank you, Birds, as you say, money is made unavailable.^

I'm terrified about the future for me and my child.

Birds and Newname - thank you. Informative posts, (And quite sobering) - things I hadn't really thought of. (I am so bloody lucky not to have had to.).

My Mum is beginning to struggle and at the moment we get help from neighbours and friends - but that won't be enough soon.

I do see the point that Squiggly is trying to make but disagree that taking the child away is any sort of solution. You put it well Newname as have others.

And like it or not there are some bad parents who will make use of their children.

PS when I mentioned my Mum - she is in her eighties - so not a child carer issue but Birds talked about all of us getting old and how this is a serious problem that society needs to deal with.