did this performance parenting go over my head???

[LEMmingaround]

Asked other mum what her dd ( my dds best friend)wanted for bday - texted "book token because dd spends SOoooo much time choosing books"-im not even joking

She knows my dd just got official dyslexia diagnosis and gets upset because she cant read.

So I respond -oooh good idea. Do the same for dd as she does the same now we found the dyslexia friendly section.

Then I sit here thinking ...hang on a minute. ...you smug, competitive parenting (she is the very definition of comp parent and would be proud of the label)cunt.....

AIBU and WIBU to present said child with just that - abook token? When the poor thing is frogmarched to waterstones evrry week to buy the latest translation of the Canterbury tales???

Yabu and projecting your own insecurity into this situation. I can't see what the other mum said was wrong. You may think she is into competitive parenting but maybe it's you who is seeing everything the wrong way. Very possibly.

Books were the best present for me from about 3 years old, and I still have nearly all of them.

But what is a book token in this day and age? Like an amazon voucher?

Coffee I think that is a fair comment.

My DD is deaf but I don't get offended if other people ask for CDs. I think you're being rather U.

My dd is dyslexic and I think your bonkers.

Melissa :) you are probably right! Any tips to help?

Ds2 and me are both diagnosed dyslexic, I'm not saying it doesn't cause problems, of course it does but it doesn't mean your DD can't achieve things to a very high level, or have many strengths, some of which could even be because she has dyslexia!

The diagnosed dyslexics in my family are the ones who read and write the most, creative thinkers with a different world view, and pretty good artists too. I have a science degree (and DS is doing one), despite dyslexia and despite the fact that AFTER I graduated, and was teaching ds1 the alphabet, I realised there were several letter that I couldn't name!!!

A love of stories and a good imagination can really help a child want to persevere with reading and writing. Audiobooks are great (DS used to use them a lot in conjunction with a book copy of the same story, as he didn't have the mental stamina to read for long until he was about 12).
Teach keyboard skills too- so much easier to type stories, homework and so on than write (obviously writing needs to be practiced too, but no point in forcing it if they are then going to hate doing every little homework task, so strike a balance that suits your dd).

Coloured overlays didn't help my DS very much, but they are great for some people, your dd school should be able to try her out with some (if that's not been done already).

Raw - Thanks for the advice. Dd is a bright spark and is just about picking up confidence with her reading. She loves books too to be fair and is just about starting to feel she CAN read.
Am going to get her tested for erlans but overlays dont seem to help.

Usual is it you???????

Get her this: www.amazon.co.uk/The-Canterbury-Tales-Selection-Illustrated/dp/0744530644

I can't see anything wrong with what she said, and I have a child in year 4 who can't read or even grasp simple phonics. When I was young I loved reading and getting new books and would spend ages picking out books too.

I was about to write pretty much what RawCoconut has said.

DD1 didn't learn to read until she was 11, had a scribe for her SATs and extra time in GCSEs. Her spelling makes mine look reasonable and her written work is still only on a par with DD2's in Y6 to look at. Content is more complex, but the writing, spelling and tendency to randomly change tense is far worse.

He reading, out loud, is still awful.

However, she never has her nose out of a book. A huge percentage of her birthday money goes on books, and she's taking her DF to a big library on Friday.

Seriously OP being dyslexic makes some things harder, but not always in the way you expect.

As Raw says dyslexics tend to be artistic, creative and interested in the world around them. They are fun to have around, even if you have to remember to say I'll meet you at 3.45, not a 1/4 to four - DD still can't read an analogue clock.

I would read the soooooo as merely exaggerating the time spent choosing and one might assume that it is accompanied by a hidden eye roll. I wouldn't hear competitive at all. Entirely possible you are projecting. I often suggest book tokens for dd and might reasonably joke by text that dd spends sooooooo much time with her nose in a book. It's not competitive, it's true.

And there's nowt wrong with having 44 copies of The Night Before Christmas. I have several Very Important Degrees and collect vintage copies of TNBC.

You asked what she wanted for her birthday, she told you. Was she only meant to reply with something your dd would like? The 'soooooo' could have been meant in a deprecating way?

Your op comes across as though you think it would be odd for a child to love reading or get pleasure from going to a book shop - yet many many many do. Neither of mine can read as they are preschool but they adore books and choosing from a bookshop or library is a massive treat.

I think there must be a lot more going on in this situation because on the face of it she's done nothing wrong and you seem quite over sensitive.

Don't get the concept of performance parenting. Or to parent as a verb tbh. However I do get that a child might love choosing books. the highlight of my (somewhat underwhelmed by school) 11yo's weekend is to go to Waterstones and come out with a pile of new books.

YABU- you asked her for present ideas and she replied with one.

I have an English Lit degree and my DC have all the obvious titles on their bookshelf, including The Baby's Catalogue. Most of the books they own were presents from relatives and an old man who used to live in our block of flats. He would visit charity shops, buy a huge pile of books and come around to our flat with them nearly every other night. There's nothing 'wannabe' about owning books IMO- you either like reading or you don't!

Actually not 'reading', 'books'- you either like them or you don't.

I read the text as 'oh god, she takes forever to make up her bloody mind' rather than anything else really. I think you're being oversensitive. Taking DS to the library to choose books is guaranteed to be an hour or more of (his) entertainment. Talk about indecisive! Just pick a few and we'll come back next week for more! He still hasn't quite got that concept yet.