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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did this performance parenting go over my head???

70 replies

LEMmingaround · 09/07/2014 17:48

Asked other mum what her dd ( my dds best friend)wanted for bday - texted "book token because dd spends SOoooo much time choosing books"-im not even joking Hmm

She knows my dd just got official dyslexia diagnosis and gets upset because she cant read.

So I respond -oooh good idea. Do the same for dd as she does the same now we found the dyslexia friendly section.

Then I sit here thinking ...hang on a minute. ...you smug, competitive parenting (she is the very definition of comp parent and would be proud of the label)cunt..... Angry

AIBU and WIBU to present said child with just that - abook token? When the poor thing is frogmarched to waterstones evrry week to buy the latest translation of the Canterbury tales???

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMmingaround · 09/07/2014 18:10

She does have form. Cunt was a bit strong as she is a nice person although I use the c word with abandon so you might get called a cunt if you gave me the wrong coffee :) just to put it into context.

This mum is a comedy competitive mum and I tell her this to her face. Poor kid does something high faluting every night of the week. Loving the spongebob idea Grin

I am sensitive about dd's dyslexia because she misses out on so much. Competitive mum knows this so thats why I was Hmm about the comment.

I would be happy with book token though to be fair

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 09/07/2014 18:10

I think you're overthinking it, sorry. A book token is easy for you to buy, gives the child a bit of control over what they want to read, and doesn't contribute to the Tat Mountain. In most people's opinion it's the ideal present! It most likely didn't even occur to her to relate it to your dd. I can understand why it must rankle though, as the diagnosis is so recent.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 09/07/2014 18:11

LEM everyone is ignoring that "SOoooo" was within the quotation marks - therefore she texted "SOoooo" therefore she is U.

I have a lit degree (please overlook my spelling mistakes now I've said that) and a house full of books BUT anyone who says "you can never have too many books" goes down in my estimation just a bit - because you can, when they are crap books which the buyer has picked up in the supermarket and not even looked inside to check they are worth the paper, or 44 copies of 'The Night Before Christmas' or 'The Baby's Catalogue', or generally books the buyer has bought to say something about who they want to be seen as are and with disregard to the age and interests of the recipient, or whether the recipient already has 44 copies of The Baby's bloody Catalogue handed down from older siblings because its SUCH a CLASSIC.

However you don't get duplicates with a token, so that is R. Perhaps the mother wants to filch the token to buy herself the latest vampire fan fiction or whatever is just SOoooo in right now. She sounds a little thoughtless though, and probably forgot your daughter's diagnosis and feelings etc.

PurplePidjin · 09/07/2014 18:12

X post with you, OP! Perhaps her dd would like a horrid henry book? Wink

ShadowFall · 09/07/2014 18:12

Does the child like reading?

Some do - I spent vast amounts of free time reading when I was a child, and loved getting book tokens. If this child is similar, it's not an unreasonable request.

IamSlave · 09/07/2014 18:13

sorry not getting it here....dont see the problem.,

SapphireMoon · 09/07/2014 18:14

So op, you have Sponge Bob and Horrid Henry as suggestions.
Would child like those?
If older- Tracy Beaker?!
Maybe being mean now?!

Deemail · 09/07/2014 18:23

I don't see the problem you asked her what her child would like and she was been honest, it sounds as though she was letting you know how much it would be enjoyed, not bragging.

SapphireMoon · 09/07/2014 18:24

How old is she?

steff13 · 09/07/2014 18:36

So, you asked her what her daughter wanted for her birthday, and she said she wanted a "book token?" Assuming a book token is some sort of gift certificate which is reedemable for books, I think you're being unreasonable. You asked what to get, and she told you, end of story.

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 09/07/2014 18:38

Mrtumble got it right -it was the soooo much time choosing books that rankled/tickled.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/07/2014 18:43

Cunt is in the Canterbury Tales funnily enough. Take the chip off your shoulder and go and buy a copy- you might like it.

missymayhemsmum · 09/07/2014 18:45

You don't have to be a competititive parent to prefer a book token instead of yet more pink princessy toys! (sounds like she is tho)

Original poster
LEMmingaround · 09/07/2014 18:47

Saucy - cuntabury tsles is waaaaay over my head

OP posts:
Thomyorke · 09/07/2014 18:48

Before my oldest DCs could read they would still spend sooooooo long choosing, even my disabled son who cannot talk, never mind reading loves spending time choosing a book. If I got upset every time someone talked about what their child could do I would have no one to talk to.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 09/07/2014 18:50

OP you're being oversensitive. Unless she is the type who constantly tries to drop in to conversations how amazing her dd is. Going off your op alone though, it looks like it's actually you who's the competitive parent. You're getting upset because your dd is not as good at reading as her best friend and bitching about the child being marched to waterstones.
Maybe your DDs friend actually does love reading and would love a book token.
Obviously I can only go off your op but I really can't see anything wrong with what the other parent sent.

hazeyjane · 09/07/2014 18:57

I am guessing she isn't a friend! I can't really see what is wrong with her text, but it sounds as though there is other stuff going on.

my dd2 is dyslexic and loves books so would also love to have a book token.

SquigglySquid · 09/07/2014 18:59

When I was a kid, I loved getting books as presents. Then when I got older, school killed my love of reading with book reports and having to read "sophisticated literature" like The Scarlet Letter.

I do read a bit now but I just haven't found any good series lately.

Get her the book tokens. Let her enjoy reading before it becomes a chore.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 09/07/2014 19:00

Sorry op, I see you did post further down the thread and this woman is prone to competitive parenting. I still think you're being sensitive though. If she's always banging on about her amazing dd (though some kids genuinely are extremely good at everything) then don't let it get to you. Do buy the book token as that's what she has suggested! If she was being a twat to get at you (she'd have to be a massive arsehole to do that) then she'll be stuck with something her dd doesn't want and it'll be her own fault. I suspect though that her dd does like reading.

SquigglySquid · 09/07/2014 19:02

Also, with people that brag about their kids, I find that just ignoring the brag and carrying on like they simply made a statement and nothing more works wonders.

"My baby was walking at 6 months"
"Oh, that's cool, DD hasn't rolled yet"

When you don't act apologetic for where your child is, it takes away their ammo I find. :)

DurhamDurham · 09/07/2014 19:05

I think the text by itself seems fine, her dd may well spend hours choosing books. However if it's the text on top of lots of other comments/boasts then maybe you have a reason to be rankled.

My girls get book tokens every year from my in-laws, they have done ever since they were tiny. We have spent hours in book shops every January while they chose books. They are average in the intelligence department but have always loved a good book. If that text had come from me it would just be fact, no boasting at all Smile

fuzzpig · 09/07/2014 19:08

She probably just thought of it as an opportunity to sing her DD's praises rather than upset you.

A book token is a great gift, and FWIW although all the ideas for annoying presents are :o :o I think it'd be a bit off to explicitly ask for a suggestion and then ignore it (unless the suggestion is over budget)

thecageisfull · 09/07/2014 19:16

I'm dyslexic and book tokens have been my favourite gift since I've been about 8. Books aren't some specialist activity set aside only for the intellectual elite.
DS1 would love you forever if you gave him a book token. He loves Waterstones although I really 'frogmarch' him there.

thecageisfull · 09/07/2014 19:17

*rarely, not really - I'm dyslexic Grin

TalcumPowder · 09/07/2014 19:24

I think saying her DD would love a book token is fine, obviously (I would have been thrilled with one as a child), but the 'dd spends sOOoo much time choosing books' does actually strike me as on the self-conscious smug/show-off side. I mean, you don't actually have to elaborate on a quite ordinary request, do you? It's not as if she was asking for something obscure.

(Though emphasising how much time the child sounds 'choosing books' is a but odd - does she actually read any of them after the lengthy choice?)

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