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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he's too young for this?

56 replies

affafantoosh · 08/07/2014 15:58

DS is a sensible just-7-year-old. DH has sent him to the local shop to buy himself sweets. DH didn't discuss this decision with me. The shop is a 3 or 4 minute walk along a road then a pedestrian crossing at a busy junction on the high street.

I am cross because I disagree that it's a suitable route to send a 7 year old and I'm cross because DH didn't think it was worth discussing with me. Now I'm going to be the bad guy who says no next time DS asks, and DH has just said he didn't know I had strong feelings about it. How would he know if he didn't bother to talk to me about it?! He says he can make decisions about DS as his father but to me this sort of thing should be agreed on by both parents first.

Prepared for mixed opinions on this one but I needed to vent.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 08/07/2014 17:05

I would say 7 is too young to go to the shop too. I disagree however with you not "allowing" your DP to make any parenting decisions without you. He's their dad too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/07/2014 17:16

Yes, when your home all day do you call dh to discuss every decision you make? Wouldn't you get pissed off being called at work constantly "can Ds have some sweets. Can Ds walk the dog"

expatinscotland · 08/07/2014 17:21

YANBU

Joysmum · 08/07/2014 17:43

I'm a SAHM and certainly don't discuss all my decisions with him. He doesn't agree with my decision to let my DD put a 6 week due through her hair in the summer hols (she'll be 12). I think he have her too much freedom too early and he was more relaxed about that.

I'd be surprised if people discuss all their parenting decisions before a child can do anything. I think those who say they do are deluded.

KnackeredMuchly · 08/07/2014 17:57

There's a difference between ALL parenting decisions and others such as

When to give girst taste of food
Whether to smack or not
When he's allowed to walk to the shops on his own.

And I think it's odd people wouldn't want to talk it over if they had the chance.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/07/2014 18:01

See, I would take the shops thing as part of judging the situation at the time kind of thing if I wasn't there. Eg if a group were going or we met up with somebody's at the park or whatever.

I'd be really annoyed getting called at work for a situation a dp should he able to handle.

MehsMum · 08/07/2014 18:11

Depends how much road sense he has and what he has been taught. It also depends on whether the local passers-by will keep an eye out for a kid. One of my DCs was regularly nipping down the road and across the zebra crossing at that age, and came home reporting that 'a man' had stopped her. PANIC!! So I cross-questioned gently and it turned out that 'a man' was an elderly gent who she knew slightly, and I knew very well, who had wanted to make sure she was okay...

Bowlersarm · 08/07/2014 18:15

YANBU. For me it's too young.

Your DH should have agreed it with you first regardless of whether other people let their own 7 year olds do it or not.

FFSFFS · 08/07/2014 18:16

I think it's ok if it's a pedestrian crossing with traffic lights and if you live in an ok area. However, if you are not comfortable then you absolutely shouldn't do it.
My DH is usually more cautious than me but we have a rule that who ever is the most cautious calls the shots.

Afterall, does it really matter if your son waits a year or so before going to the shops alone.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 08/07/2014 19:43

On the topic of discussing it - I think probably a lot of couples know whether they are "on the same page" with things like this or not, which is why the actual in-the-moment decision does not actually require a conversation (especially if the other parent is not available, due to being at work or whatever, when the decision is needed, and when it is a spontaneous rather than long planned moment!). Certainly that is how it generally works in our family - I know broadly what DH's take is on most "big" parenting things likely to come up in the immediate future, so I don't have to phone him at work about them. I have raised my eyebrows about a couple of things he let the kids do on holiday, but as was having a nap :o and it was a done deal, and everything had been fine, I held my peace :o

cailindana · 08/07/2014 20:02

When I was in first class (aged 6/7) my teacher used to send me to the shop to buy her cheese and onion spread so she could breathe her onion breath over us for the rest of the day I look back and can't believe it, but it did happen.

I'm on the fence about whether it's too young. I don't think I was too young but then I was a very very sensible child. I remember being sent miles on foot to a fellow pupil's house to retrieve her when she bunked off home, at the age of 11. I was practically a member of staff in that bloody school.

NotEnoughTime · 08/07/2014 20:54

YADNBU.

I would be really upset if my husband had let my DS do this.

IMO 7 is FAR too young.

ZanyMobster · 08/07/2014 21:38

I think 7 is far too young. We live in what used to be a village but is much busier now. Someone tried to snatch a 9 yo recently from the main road nextvto us during the day so no chance of me letting DS (8)out on his own.

ZanyMobster · 08/07/2014 21:40

I also think that deciding when your children should be allowed out alone should be a joint decision as it is a big deal IMO.

Rowgtfc72 · 08/07/2014 21:44

I have a very sensible 7 yr old and it would be one pedestrian crossing to the shops. She would wait for the green man too. But she would still cross if the emergency services came towards her fast or cars failed to stop because the green man means its safe to cross.

Rowgtfc72 · 08/07/2014 21:44

I have a very sensible 7 yr old and it would be one pedestrian crossing to the shops. She would wait for the green man too. But she would still cross if the emergency services came towards her fast or cars failed to stop because the green man means its safe to cross.

DenyDenyDeny · 08/07/2014 21:47

YANBU 7 is too young.

I was a 'mature' sensible kid who lived in a quiet town and I wouldnt be allowed to pop to the shops until I was 9. And I was granted loads of freedom generally IMO.

TucsonGirl · 08/07/2014 21:47

I don't think it's ridiculously young but I don't know the area or your child. But DH should have discussed it with you first.

steppemum · 08/07/2014 21:57

I think you arr being a bit precious over insisting it is a joint decision.
In the same circumstances dh and I would make a decision. We would talk to the other one if we were not sure, or wanted to hear the other's opinion, but we are happy to make decisions on our own, and trust each other to do that.

As to whether he is too young, 7 is about the age I start to let them go to the cornershop, knock on a neighbours door, all very local and safe. But crossing the road would be a big issue, and I am not sure I would trust him/her to always use the crossing properly.

Tinpin · 08/07/2014 22:49

Me too Cailindana. Except I went to fetch my teachers cigarettes which he then smoked at his desk as we queued up to have our books marked. I was 7 and had to cross several roads. Horrendous when you think about it now.

DogCalledRudis · 09/07/2014 06:36

Yabu. how children are supposed to learn when being so mollycoddled?

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/07/2014 08:00

The advice from Road Safety organisations used to be not to cross a busy road alone until aged 10; should think it applies even more now.

wheresthelight · 09/07/2014 08:15

Op - If the situation had been reversed and ds had asked you would you have said no without discussing it with dh first?

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 09/07/2014 08:27

I don't know think it's about the age as much as how well prepared he was. If it's a route you've taken every day for years and you (and your DH) know that he knows exactly what to do to get there and back safely, that is one scenario. If you've not really been to that shop with him and not taught him how to cross a road safely, or he doesn't have a healthy respect for traffic, then it's different. It doesn't sound like your DH put much thought into it and perhaps just couldn't be bothered to go with him, which would ignite my furyif exposing my child to risk.

youmakemydreams · 09/07/2014 08:37

If as had asked you would you have said no or consulted dh?
Ds2 is 8 and if he was happy doing it and the crossing was a pedestrian crossing I would probably let him. As it is he can go to the shop 5 minutes away and avoid roads.
He can be a pain walking to school etc. When I am with him but I do know that when he is given the responsibility on his own he behaves very differently. He is keen to prove that he is up to the challenge and can be trusted.

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