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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that people should think before posting photos on FB...

36 replies

Loopylala7 · 08/07/2014 00:34

I have a toddler and young baby. I'm sleep deprived and carrying around baby weight. I went to a friends party at the weekend, and unbeknown to me, one of her friends took some photos with me in them and posted them on FB. I just saw them. I wouldn't call myself vain, and don't mind a funny pic of myself, but I look overweight, have multiple chins, am scowling and looking really miserable in the pics. Why oh why would you post such unflattering photos? ESPECIALLY post baby. Totally down on my figure as it is at the moment, but these make me want to cry.

OP posts:
GretchenWiener · 08/07/2014 00:36

It's more about you than them?

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 08/07/2014 00:39

You're probably right, but seriously don't people think to edit and only put the good ones up?

OP posts:
catinbootz · 08/07/2014 00:40

I agree. I had the same thing done to me this wknd

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 08/07/2014 00:45

yanbu. No excuse for not looking at the photo and discarding!

sykadelic · 08/07/2014 01:14

untag and if asked, "Nope that's not me. No idea what you're on about."

same thing happened from SIL's bridal shower. I didn't accept the tag (I have my FB set to ask before showing it on my wall). Hideous photo...and I thought I looked nice when I left the house :S

RainbowB7 · 08/07/2014 01:19

They will have only edited out the ones they look bad themselves!

ILoveCoreyHaim · 08/07/2014 01:27

Report them, i think my df got some taken down once. See if it gives you an option to say you haven't gave permission or something

BOFster · 08/07/2014 01:31

I hate this. Ok, if you pose in a group photo, then I suppose you can't complain if it shows up on Facebook, but I think it's pretty shitty to post 'candid' shots publicly, especially if people in them weren't even aware they'd been snapped. There are all sorts of good reasons why you might not want photos of yourself in the public domain, and even if it doesn't involve threat to life and limb, posting pics with you in that you might well hate is extremely rude.

YANBU. And it says more about their bad manners than your insecurities.

lettertoherms · 08/07/2014 01:34

I hate this. People don't really think about the other people in photos they put up.

I've messaged friends politely asking them to take unflattering photos down and every time they've understood and done so.

SquigglySquid · 08/07/2014 04:42

Everything that goes on my wall has to be approved by me. But it doesn't stop friends of friends from seeing unflattering pics. I don't ask people to take down pics, but I've given the threat that if they post horrible pics of me, I'll return the favor. Really, the worst one of me is just me mid sentence, nothing self esteem crushing. :)

Jengnr · 08/07/2014 05:35

They probably don't think you look bad. And you probably don't. We're our own harshest critics.

Balaboosta · 08/07/2014 08:05

There's a thing where you can ask them nicely to take them down. Xp's cousin has loads of pictures of us together as "happy family" and I had to explain why I wanted them taken down!

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 08/07/2014 09:25

Yanbu, it's at best horribly thoughtless, at worst they hate you and are trying to make you feel bad.

PosingInManilla · 08/07/2014 09:29

Worst one of me I've ever seen was me in the background at a party putting cake into my mouth - so mouth open, bingo wing flapping at a weird angle plus a nice shot of redeye. But then "friend" looked super glam in her nice model-pose shot so it was all worth it [angy]

growl3th · 08/07/2014 09:40

Message them and ask them to take it down.

I was at a samba festival a couple of weeks ago with my camera. Someone I didn't know but have friends in common with didn't like herself in one of the pics but loved the rest and asked if I would take it down. No biggie.

bearwithspecs · 08/07/2014 09:48

I would also just PM them and ask politely to take it down. Its often an over sight or they just don't think about others. I have asked before and people have asked me e.g. to remove any pics from a party with their kids on. Not a big issue usually

ThedoublelifeofDollyBrown · 08/07/2014 09:50

Are you good friends? For example, I wouldn't dare do this to my best friend, to post something publicly where she was looking far from her best. I'd expect a horrified call or message asking what on earth I'd done, and why, and would certainly remove.

littlejohnnydory · 08/07/2014 09:50

YABU - all it says is that nobody else is focused on what you look like. I've had unflattering photos posted on facebook (I never like seeing photos of myself anyway) but it's definitely something to rise above.

CoffeeTea103 · 08/07/2014 09:53

Yabu and a big vain. I seriously don't think your friends are out to show you at your worst. You see yourself this way, but possibly they don't see what you see. All you need to do is just tell them to remove it and job done. No need to report pictures Confused

DrankSangriaInThePark · 08/07/2014 09:59

Do be careful if you use the FB proforma to ask them to take it down. I received what I thought was a right snotty message from one of my friends and it looked as though it had come from her directly. "I do not think this is suitable for FB".

I was fucking furious especially as I had seen her 30mins before and she hadn't said anything. Turns out she'd tried to hide it from her own timeline (I'd tagged her) because she didn't want some family member to know she'd been at this particular "do". But she'd clicked "I don't want to see this" and then "because it's not suitable". She thought that was it, didn't realise it would generate a snotty message looking like it had come from her, to me.

But in any case, YABU. A bit.

Joysmum · 08/07/2014 10:06

I think it can show that you are critical of your own appearance whilst others don't see you like that.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 08/07/2014 14:53

YANBU. My sister does this to me all the time though (seriously, she has posted over 1000 photos of me on fb and that's only a tiny percentage of the total number of photos she has on there). I don't really give a shit anymore but I do know how you feel she also posted post birth pics of me I felt shit enough post birth, could have done without logging in to fb and being reminded that I also looked shit.

ViviPru · 08/07/2014 15:13

YANBU OP. I'm the one with the camera at every event and love sharing pics on FB. I'm always meticulous about editing out any that people might not be pleased to have on view and have even been known to photoshop out blemishes

PeteHornberger · 08/07/2014 15:16

I've got a friend who does this, just uploads them without looking which means blurred pics, pics of the ground, pics where no-ones doing anything except looking miserable...when I see she's uploaded 50 pics of an event, generally 10 of them will be decent pics. I like candid photos as I think they can look really good but when all the people in the pic are checking their phone, eating or just staring off into space you do have to wonder why she didn't just delete it?

KnackeredMuchly · 08/07/2014 15:38

Someone I barely knew tagged me in the worst photo I've ever seen. We were all on a dog walk and I was pregnant and half way to sitting down on a bench. I was so red faced, my tummy contorted into a hideous shape. Thing is, it wasn't a good photo of anything - just one of thosr people who upload 50 crap photos of anything. But Why Tag Me???

I now have to approve any tag before it can be applied to a photo.

I have another friend who is notorious for it, but it was just to make her parties look popular, and I was ready and waiting the next day to delete all tags of my half eating etc.

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