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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Someone please tell me I'm normal & I'm not being unreasonable :-((

77 replies

luby03 · 07/07/2014 11:36

Someone please tell me I'm normal..........
I hit complete rock bottom on Saturday.......tears, well actually sobbing......shouting......slamming doors and now I feel dreadful :-(
My DP and I have been together now for 5.5 years and he took on my 3 DC, we also have a 18 month DD. I'm a SAHM who practises attachment parenting and have done with all my DC. I'm still feeding, probably too much but it's easier said than done! My older three children are 13 and 10 year old twins, they argue constantly and never do as they are asked.....
My DP spends weekdays working 9-5 and weekends we always try to get out, typical weekend is a trip to the beach or cycling......
The problems is my DP gets in from work and likes to rest as he's had a hard day so I have to continue looking after DD and the running of the house. I cook tea every week night and clear up (washing up) but DP does try to do it most weekends and I clear up. I do ALL the housework and garden, DP doesn't like gardening so wont do it but our landlord complains a lot about it so I have to do which is a struggle as toddler runs off as garden isn't secure.
He shouts at DC constantly which I can kind of understand as it is frustrating when all they do is argue but they are lovely lovely children who have glowing reports and you can take them anywhere.......I personally think they are just being children and he should chill but he won't. He never cuddles them, he kisses them all goodbye in the morning and tells them he loves them but that's it.
We have a lovely relationship apart from this, we never argue, we laugh together and our sex life is still there considering how many DC we have and one in the bed ;-) if we didn't have children our relationship would be perfect really......(I don't really think he's cut out to be a dad!)
I'm over tired and I've told DP this, I've told him I'm really struggling so on Thursday I saw a message from another woman on Facebook.....I asked him who it was and he said a girl from his past......fair enough nothing else said.
I've never felt truly loved by him, I always feel like someone got away and I'm second best......I've no idea why I feel like this as he's never mentioned anyone. He talks about marriage but has never proposed, he says we can't afford it.......since we've been together he's had an insurance payout but he didn't put any aside for a ring :-(
We don't have any help, my mum doesn't love me, my sister can count on one hand how many times she's met our DD, DP mum is an alcoholic, his dad lives abroad and his sister doesn't speak to any of his family....
So anyway on Friday I exploded slightly, I sent him some texts on the lines of....he doesn't love me because he's never bothered to ask me to marry him yet he talks about it, he's lazy because he doesn't help me. I said I felt sick to the stomach when I saw a message from another woman and wanted to look but I wouldn't and I shouldn't be feeling like this nearly 6 years on. I told him I was struggling and I rang the doctors......etc.....When he came home from work I was resting on our bed heartbroken as I was really struggling and the older DC were looking after DD, he didn't even come in to see if I was ok. He ate his tea and watched football then came to bed about midnight so I pretended to be asleep as didn't want a row. The next morning he didn't speak to me so I gathered all the children and started putting the bikes on the car crying......I ended up shouting at him as all I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok, I'd cried out for help and I got the silent treatment then he got cross and shouted at me.......he ended up coming with us and the next day we spent the day at the beach......
I now feel I will never tell him how I feel as he wasn't supportive in anyway.
But was I wrong? Am I being wrong in wanting him to help with DD? Maybe brush her teeth for me or change a nappy, maybe play with her more? Is it wrong of me to want this?
This morning he told me not to forget to get hold of GP.......mums up at school laughed and said I didn't need to go to the doctors.....they said it was all normal and they can't believe I've never lost it before as they do it all the time......
Is there something wrong with me?
Why does he think I'm not good enough to marry but I'm good enough to have his DD and do everything for him? I don't think for one second he would cheat on me so why would I feel so sad that another woman has messaged him.....I've never been a jealous person......
It's always bothered me he shouts at the DC & I do tell him but he won't change. I've also told him now and again he's lazy but it's not worth the hassle I get so I just get on and do it all myself but having a toddler and doing everything is taking its toll.......and to top it all off we have no money and my car is poorly, I'm so scared I'm going to have to do the summer holidays without a car again :-)
Please someone tell me I'm not loosing the plot? X

OP posts:
luby03 · 07/07/2014 12:52

I'm happy to try anything with DD now, my twins taught me not all children will conform as my DS stayed in my bed till he was 4/5 but my DD was out by 18 months as she slept better alone and that's what she wanted. My eldest was out by 2/3 because my belly got too big with the twins :-)
I only let my son sleep with me for that long because daddy worked away and he has asthma so it was easier!

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ikeaismylocal · 07/07/2014 12:56

My opinion on attachment parenting is that you sometimes need to not follow the child's wishes if fulfilling those wishes are making you so exhausted you can't be an effective, kind and consistent parent the rest of the time. I nightweaned my ds when he was 13 months old because I was pregnant, I had flu and he was waking more and more at night rather than less and less. I really wasn't coping and I was letting him down by being an exhausted parent in the daytimes. I kept feeding him in the day until very recently and I'm happy for him to start bf again when the new baby is born if he wants. We never left ds to cry alone and we still co-sleep but now he sleeps through the night, he goes to bed early so we have an adult evening and dp does the bedtime routine which involves lots of skin to skin for dp and ds in the bath and cuddles(something ds didn't do very often when he was bf).

As for proposing could you ask him to marry you? I have a lovely silver ring with an amber stone as my engagement ring, it cost 12 pounds but I love it. Weddings don't have to cost lots, you sound like an outdoorsy family, you could have a picnic as a reception and play outdoors games. I think your right not to be thinking of marriage right now but don't let a lack of proposal or money be used as an excuse if you discuss it in the future.

What was he like before your youngest was born?

luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:00

I'm not in any set routine with her, if I'm home all day then she would happily feed the whole day if I let her but if we are out she is fine without....she happily drinks from a cup. It's night feeds that seem to be the struggle.
I have left her with him when I had a night out with some friends but he was constantly texting me to say she was awake and crying, then he got her to sleep tried to lay her down and woke her so then kept ringing me......he's said until she's off the breast he's not doing it again :-(
I just think if he does more with her she won't cry as much when she is with him.....my 10 year old DD can sort her out no problems and I'm sure it's because she plays with her, reads to her, feeds her......loads :-)

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luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:05

Ikeaismylocal, I'm really happy to try anything but I also feel if he helped more than we would all function better. I've suggested he puts her to bed and just strokes her but he won't try anything, he just leaves it to me.......he said he's got work and can't be tired!
He says I've made her like this so it's up to me but the other children weren't like this & I've done nothing differently just this time I have no help from him :-(
He's always been like it but it was never an issue before as I wasn't tired so I could do everything!

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ikeaismylocal · 07/07/2014 13:05

Does he need some very simplified instructions? I was the step daughter with a baby sister and my step dad used to say sadly that the baby never wanted to cuddle him but I sat with him and pointed out a little tilt of her head that was her I want a cuddle sign, he'd just never noticed and wasn't used to reading small children.

ikeaismylocal · 07/07/2014 13:10

The more you say about him the more he just sounds like a lazy sod.

Have you pointed out to him that option out of parenting isn't an option, even if you split up he'd have to parent her.

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2014 13:11

We have a lovely relationship apart from this, we never argue, we laugh together and our sex life is still there considering how many DC we have and one in the bed ;-) if we didn't have children our relationship would be perfect really......(I don't really think he's cut out to be a dad!)

No you don't. And it's too late for him to decide he's not cut out to be a dad.

He's lazy and content to leave everything to you. This is certainly no partnership.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/07/2014 13:12

If he is a bus driver or a brain surgeon then I have a bit of sympathy about him being too tired to work safely otherwise its just an excuse (especially if he would happily go to work with a self induced hangover). He finds it hard so he doesn't want to do it - its not his job. I think you should start making some of the bedtime routine his job e.g. he does bath and teeth cleaning (or whatever works best for you). After a week or so your DD will expect him to do it so she will interact with him happily and he will get used to dealing with her.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 13:16

I agree with ikea

He's copping out!

I think the best thing is that you do what makes life easier for you and that's achievable on your own. Urst step I think to that would be to sort out the sleep. If you can hang in til summer hols then use your older kids (who by the way sound great!!) . Not ideal obviously but ultimately it will benefit all of them.

If your happy to try and instigate a routine then that could help to. Feed morning and evening perhaps, take her to soft play in the morning (so she's distracted and worn out) then try getting her to go for an afternoon nap.

Then go for the usual wind down, bath, book, bf/milk feed then bed time.

If it doesn't work (but give it a few weeks obviously) then you can go back but at 18m she will be ok and it's ok to focus on you a bit now.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 13:18

You sound like a living caring relaxed mother with fab children. Don't forget that even though it's all a bit much at the moment.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 13:18

Loving

Blush
whatnowstupid · 07/07/2014 13:22

What responsibilities do the older children have? Why aren't they laying the table, washing up etc?

littlejohnnydory · 07/07/2014 13:24

OK, I practise AP (mostly) - I don't think you need to stop feeding completely unless you really want to but it's not all or nothing. At 18 months I fed mine morning, mid morning, mid afternoon and bedtime. There's a story book called "Milk when the sun shines", I think, that's helpful with night weaning toddlers. I'd stopped co-sleeping before we night weaned but the only way I know how to do it is for dh to do the settling in the night. However, I do know people who have night weaned whilst co-sleeping, using the Jay Gordon technique.

Your dh needs to be on board though, it's all very well for him to say he supports AP while you get on and do all the work. He does need to take some responsibility for the children and whilst his approach won't be exactly the same as yours, he needs to step up and do his share.

I think your communication could do with sorting out. The two of you, I mean. I second the Relate suggestion - if he won't go, go by yourself, it might at least give you a clear idea of what you want and help you to communicate it better. I don't think communicating by text, crying and shouting are going to get you listened to and respected in the way you want.

luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:41

Gileswithachainsaw......that's lovely of you, thank you! Thanks

Littlejohnnydory......oh god I know about the texting and shouting, that's why I feel so bad.......it's unheard of. My neighbour mentioned it this morning to me at school & I said I was so sorry, I reassured her I don't do it very often and my 10 year old DD nodded at her and said I think the last time was about 3 years ago.......so ashamed of myself but I just exploded :-(

nannyOgg........well I did think we got on and I kinda thought all this was because of me until this post........

What a pickle Sad

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ADishBestEatenCold · 07/07/2014 13:41

I'm just dipping in here, will hopefully return later, so do excuse focusing on just one thing for the moment.

You've mentioned that your DP does nothing with any of the children.

With regards to the three older children, could it be that he feels somewhat powerless to influence their behavior and is therefore withdrawing?
Several times you have mentioned poor behavior at home among your older children, they are constantly arguing, never do as they are asked and you are unable to stay home at weekends as their behavior gets worse ... things like that.
You seem to think that's okay because they are good at school and lovely with other people.
Your DP doesn't seem to think that's okay, he think the eldest can do no wrong in your eyes and won't take DS to play football until he starts doing what he's told.

With the toddler, almost the first thing you told us was you practise attachment parenting, and ... while you do say you want your DP to help with her ... it does sound as if it is you who is controlling how things will progress. You're still BF and, despite agreeing with some posters on here that it would be best for the whole family if you stopped, I don't think you want to. She's still in your bed and as she wakes every 2 to 3 hours (every 2 - 3 hours, at 18 months old!), this must be disruptive for all of you ... yes, your DP too, even although you are the one who wakens with her ... all three of you, you DP and toddler, must begin each day exhausted.

Begin each day exhausted, as the three older children begin each day (hopefully) refreshed and all ready to start arguing again.

It doesn't sound as if you and he are on the same page at all, not even close, and ... as a result of that ... he is opting out of not only helping with the children, of interacting with them much, and of working with you to parent them, while you are doing more and more of the day to day care and becoming exhausted and resentful, while turning a blind eye to the behavior of the elder three and unilaterally controlling the progression of the youngest child.

It all sounds so frantic! I think you are both lost and feeling rejected, while at the same time being controlling and passive aggressive in your attempts to deal with that. I think you are very nearly not a couple, in your lives.

Obviously there are hosts of other issues going on, but taking the issues of parenting as a starting point, I suppose the first thing you've got to ask yourself is, do you want things to change? Change a lot. Even if that meant the you had to stop BF and co-sleeping straight away? Even if that meant you had to give your DP an equal say in parenting and had to agree (and stick to) house rules for the whole family, including and especially with regards to the behavior of the three eldest DCs?

I can see that he has a lot of changes to make, a lot of effort to make, and a lot of responsibility to take ... but you do too. Equally so. I think you've got to tell him this, talk to him, and listen.

And now my 'dipping in' post is nearly as long as your ..... Smile

MellowAutumn · 07/07/2014 13:47

I'm with Adish - yes he could and should help more but 3 kids arguing and being a pain in the arse when I got home from work would not amuse me to be honest .

luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:50

Adishbestservedcold.........I completely get what your saying, I have to say though I never undermine him.....I always back him and if I don't agree I tell him when we are alone. I just don't find their behaviour that bad, certainly not enough to make the whole house feel dreadful due to him telling them off. I argued with my sister constantly but DP went to boarding school and so did his sister so they never saw each other long enough to argue. I agree they need to be told but I tell them and punish them then it's left but he goes on and on at them and then puts himself in a bad mood then I suffer too :-(
It's like treading on eggshells constantly and me pulling faces at the DC to stop them from putting him in a bad mood!
He also expects them to look after DD too much but that really is in my opinion, I feel they should all be children......it's ok to ask while I'm cooking tea or give them a reward in return but not just while he watches tv :-(
My mum says it's because I've always aloud it, but I've even had rows with her about they way he speaks to me and the DC. Two of my friends have also been upset by him.......I don't think he means it, he's just very stressed all the time :-(

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luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:53

Oh god yeh when I used to work I wouldn't even be in the door and I could hear him shouting thinking what have they done now......

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luby03 · 07/07/2014 13:55

OMG.......my DD is certainly not used to me sitting with my ipad.......she's just fed her cheese on toast to the dog and poured my coffee in her bowl :-( (it was cold!) oops lol x

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Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 13:56

We'll you know where the dog will be at tea time :o

Sat next to dd :o

ADishBestEatenCold · 07/07/2014 14:00

"I'd stopped co-sleeping before we night weaned but the only way I know how to do it is for dh to do the settling in the night"

I do know a family who tried absolutely everything they could think of to change their night feeding and co-sleeping routine, but were getting nowhere.

One night, exhausted and at the end of her tether, the mother fell asleep in the spare room. With the first nights sleep in years, she decided she'd have a few days more and left their toddler to co-sleep with his father. As of the first night, their son stopped night feeding and within a week he'd opted to move into his own room.

You never know ... it might be easier than you think! Fingers crossed!! Smile

luby03 · 07/07/2014 14:09

I did think about getting into bed with my eldest the other night but she's a wriggler so didn't want to disturb her :-)
I'm going on eBay to look for a cot then I'm going to put her in with the twins at the beginning of the summer hols, I'll continue to feed her but if it gets too much I'll stop but I won't feel as bad then because at least I'll know I tried :-)

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Gileswithachainsaw · 07/07/2014 14:14

Remember, she will probably cry as it's all so different, but of you know she's fed and watered and warm and comfortable then she's only waking because of the change.

Depends how you feel about her crying though obviously, but ultimately better sleep will be better for all of you and if feeding is affecting her appetite, she may well start going longer between feeds and eating better.

And there's always MN for a range of assistance with regards to cot transitions and night weaning and sleep training of controlled crying isn't something hour happy with. :)

luby03 · 07/07/2014 14:14

I've never heard of relate.....would we have to pay? If so does anyone know how much?

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luby03 · 07/07/2014 14:19

That's what puts me off because I've never let any of them cry themselves to sleep :-( that fills me with dread......I don't mind whimpering but not crying.....

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