AIBU to give up work and become a SAHM

[PoorDecisionMaker]

I probably ABI to be asking this question of a bunch of strangers, as only I can really make the decision! I do however need to get my thoughts down on paper - so why not here?!

DC1 is 3.5, DC2 1.5 and I've been back at work (part time) since my maternity leave ended in Nov.

DC1 will start nursery school in September - 5 mornings.

We are struggling to work out how to get her to nursery at the correct time on my working days, although almost have a plan which involves a combination of existing childminder, DH being available 1 day per week, friends helping out. A lot of variation, which I don't think is an ideal way to settle into "school" - and some unpredictability. I can see it getting very stressful for everyone.

Paying for childcare for 2 children at the moment is only very slightly less than my income. Hence, quitting work will not leave us significantly worse off (at least in the short term) - although I do still worry bit about how we will manage.

Hence, the only reason I have to carry on is to "keep my career". The job I am doing (I have been in this job for 7 years including 2 years of maternity leave, this field for about 10 years including 1 year doing an MSc). However, I don't think I want to do this job anymore - and certainly not until retirement. In which case, that isn't a very good reason to carry on!

If I quit, I will be able to take DC2 to nursery and to spend more time with both DCs. Hopefully life should be less stressful for us all.

I am worried that whatever decision I make now, there is a potential for me to regret it. I guess I need to make the decision that I will regret the least!!

I would hopefully find some sort of part time job (not in the field I am in now) once both children are at full time school.

Does anyone have any experience they'd like to share? Anyone successfully found a new career after a period as a SAHM?

I've recently gone back to work after being a SAHM for 5yrs. I got back into work more by fluke tbh but am really enjoying it. I loved being at home with the children while they were little and I think I will always cherish those days. I also feel hardly any guilt about working now (not that anyone should feel guilty about working but for some reason I did) as I feel I can justify it to myself that I gave up 5 years to concentrate on just the children. It was nice to have the opportunity to think about what I really wanted to do for a job/life and to take my time applying as other jobs I've rushed into just for the money.

Oh dear goodness, Mn is heaving with working vs stay at home at the moment. I'm not in the mood to pitch into a bunfight tonight but let battle begin.......

OP: In this instance it isn't really an AIBU - no one can tell you what to do. Pick what works best for you, your family, your financial and childcare situations.

I think if it costs you the amount it is got to and eat up all of your salary, I would be a sahm

Going to

Do you enjoy your job?

Do you enjoy being at home?

Have you looked at change of expenses with giving up work? What bills would be higher/lower?

What if DH loses his job?

Is your career one you could get back into after a break?

Deep down what do you actually really want to do? If money/career/childcare wasn't a problem.

Thanks for the replies. I'm fairly sure I'm swaying towards quitting, but I need to get rid of the niggle that it might not be a good move!

Outraged, they are good questions.

Do you enjoy your job? - sometimes, but there are many things about it that I don't enjoy and I have thought for a long time that I'd be better in something different (although wonder whether it is a case of the grass being greener...)

Change of expenses - I've thought about, although probably should get a spreadsheet out and check in detail! I don't think any bills would be higher (as long as I don't start a coffee shop habit!!) Whearas we'd ditch childcare, get rid of a car, drive less (have a 20 mile each way commute)

If DH loses his job -it's pretty stable at the moment and if he were to be made redundant he'd get a very good payout (more than I can earn in a year!) so I think we are lucky in that his job stability isn't too much of a factor (he is also covered for being unable to work due to injury, sickness etc)

Could I get back into my career? Probably not. But I don't think I want to continue with what I am doing. Could i get a job at all does worry me though. I really fancy retraining (accountancy?) but I am not sure how feasible that is.

Deep down - I want to quit!

Have you the option of taking a career break?

Christ almighty I wouldn't be getting rid of my car. Unless I lived on a main road with a bus stop, shops within walking distance and a train station at the end of the road. And a taxi rank.

I'm a sahm and I'd be bloody stuck without a car. Shopping, dr's appointments, school runs, visits to friends, playgroups, etc. Mind you I do live out in the sticks. Probably different in town.

I wouldn't.

Life can change quickly and without an income of your own you can be extremely vulnerable .

In your situation I definitely would.

Bills that could increase though; household things like heating, lighting etc. - if the house is usually empty, but now will be in use all the time. Food bills - if the children eat at their childcare. Activities - if you're taking them to softplay/playgroup etc. Transport - if you'll be using buses/trains. Probably not that much, but worth thinking about.

The other thing to consider is how it would change the dynamics of your relationship with DH. It's also more important than ever to have a joint account/equal access to the family money.

I have been a working full time mum and a sahm I would recommend sahm if u can afford to careers and jobs will still be there when your children have Gone to school I have just decided to hold off goin back till my youngest leaves high school currently yr6

IAmNotDarling;?what do you mean!? What new circumstances would be
more detrimental than her current position?

I could have written your post almost word for word a year ago.
Do it, do it, do it!
I quit and it was the best decision I ever made.
I love it, my kids love it, dh loves it cos his life is much easier.
I love the time I have spent with my children, and think you can only regret it the other way round.
I have picked up part time work really easily, and bizarrely, we are better off financially than when I was working. I couldn't really tell you why, but I think it's cos I save loads having time to shop around now for everyday plus utilities. Plus I don't buy guilt presents fir the kids. Dunno really tho.
Do it!

I have taken a break from a professional job to be a SAHM. I do worry that I will regret the harm to my career, but I previously worked with a woman in her 50s who really wished she had spent more time with her kids when they were young. I know which regret I would rather risk having.

Britta

Life - anything can happen. My friend's DH left her with zero sign of any problems. Without her own income she wouldn't have a roof over her head.

I would work even if it meant I was out of pocket because fore it's what I need to know that I can provide for my DC and my DH if needs be. Once you leave the workplace it can be hard to return.

Give up work - there is plenty of time later on to go back to it, retrain, start a little business of your own, or do anything you want to do. These few short years when the children are young will only happen once, and will seem to fly by so damn fast. Make the most of them now while they're small and need you most because before you know it they'll be "all growed up"
What's the point of struggling and juggling to run yourself ragged for no gain when you don't absolutely have to - just be thankful you can have the time with the children.

Should have said, I am a SAHM so totally biased and I don't drive and have never ever truly wished I could.

Anything can happen, but that's not a reason to work for years in a job you don't really like, at a loss, whilst dealing with a complicated and stressful childcare arrangement when deep down you'd rather be at home with your children.

You might as well tell people never to get married or have children at all for fear he might up and leave/kill you all/develop a passion for Cliff Richard songs. Sometimes you have to do what makes you happy in the short/medium term and just take a risk on the long term outcome.

Hjjjjjj

If you gave up your job and became a SAHM and decided you didn't like it/it didn't work for you surely you could find a new job or career? Particularly if you don't want to do what you're already doing and would be looking for an entry level role. It wouldn't be a permanent thing if you didn't like it.

With that in mind I'd say go for it - you can always change your mind!

Totally agree with lady.
I'm soon to become a SAHM (taken voluntary redundancy).
It's really quite daunting but I'm looking forward to it. After all they're only little once.

You'll never regret time spent with your children. Go for it, there seems little reason not to in your circumstances.

Do it - it will be so much easier to settle your child into school and do the school run.
I think that if anyone can afford it and wants to they should be a sahm.
I was for about 4 years ( now freelance) and it was great. You can also volunteer at school if you want