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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp should end his dinner out with his dad and see me as I've just found out my df has died.

55 replies

Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 21:54

Just that really. Dp is out for dinner with his dad, I'm not expecting him to rush back but maybe end things quicker than before and come home. My df has passed away (expected as he was 81), I haven't seen him for years due to 'd'sm but he's still my father and I could use a cuddle. Ds is with his dad and I'm sat with berrycat, as sympathetic as she is i think she just wants dinner.

Found out by answer message from my dfs solicitor :(

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Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 22:41

Sorry for all the crossed posts, he's said he will get a taxi before 11.30(when it goes to double time) don't know if I believe him or can be bothered to believe him. His dad would understand completely and probably pay for him to get home and get a bottle of wine on the way.

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HappySunflower · 06/07/2014 22:41

How insensitive!

I'd be texting back suggesting he find somewhere else to stay for the night.
Alternatively, is there a friend you can call or go and stay with?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/07/2014 22:44

I'm sorry for your loss, Berry.

What is the reason that you didn't see your dad if you loved him so much? Surely he would have wanted to see you, whatever his wife said? It seems a shame that your relationship was estranged if you were so close.

I imagine it will come as a shock to your mum, as news like this always does, but she's probably come to terms with her own feelings about him as they separated some time ago.

I'm estranged from my dad, haven't seen him for at least ten years. I expect I'll feel some sort of sadness for the relationship we didn't have, when he dies. Hopefully you will have happy memories of your dad.

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 22:49

My reply was exactly that, I've said that if he can't gave the 20min walk or get a taxi from the station 5min walk from his df then not to bother. My best friend is in dubai atm but going to Skype me in the next half hour. Other friends are tucked up in bed ready for work tomorrow and don't need a teary me. I work for mil to be so will have a good cuddle and cry to her first thing. I'm just disappointed, shocked, hurt, grieving, feeling guilty, eugh so many emotions in one go. I don't want to react out of emotion and he may not know what to do but I'm not sure If I can be with someone who will act like this.

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Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 22:52

The reason was he was in prison for a bit (nothing horrible, fraud) and I had baby ds and life got in the way really. I was busy, he got out, he was busy and on a different island and things go on. Doesn't mean for a second he stopped being my dad, I'm just as much at fault for the lack of contact. I got caught up in mummy, working etc.

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Sixweekstowait · 06/07/2014 22:52

Berry - it's so much sadder because you hadn't seen him for 2 years isn't it? So much more complicated emotionally - people so often just don't get that. Hope you get a cuddle soon

MimsyBorogroves · 06/07/2014 22:57

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 22:58

Yes, I feel like I didn't have a chance to tell him "no matter what anyone said about him that I love him. He was my inspiration to work my backside off and make something of myself, that he made me proud to be his daughter. No matter what happened in later years of his life. His achievements overshadowed that. That I'm so thankful for having his genes, his advice and his backing and to know no matter what I was his little princess."

I just wanted to be the one to hold his hand when he passed, we were to similar that's why we fell out. I just wanted to be there, to snuggle up in my daddy's chest like I did when I was little and tell him that I love him. I love him so much and I was always on his side. And he has never let me down.

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Sleepysheepsleeping · 06/07/2014 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sleepysheepsleeping · 06/07/2014 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 06/07/2014 23:05

Sorry for your loss Berry.I hope that DP supports you a bit better when he realises how upset you are.If not I hope that he gets indigestion. < it's a bit late a night for eating isn't it ?>

partialderivative · 06/07/2014 23:06

People react in very different ways to a death.

My dad died in Feb, it still hurts, but I think I would be unreasonable to expect others to feel that hurt.

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 23:07

Thank you sleepy, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. That must have been horrible for you. I will try texting him again and saying that I need him to be here. I don't see it happening now though to be honest.

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ShouldHaveMarriedTimDowling · 06/07/2014 23:07

Oh berry I am so sorry.

I havent seen nor spoken to my dad for three years. He is hard work and not always pkeasant but still my dad and have had great times together. I am awaiting the same call any day. Sad

Your dp is pathetic. There's no excuse. I'd much rather have the cat's conpany at this point.

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 23:09

He's just walked in, he's hammered. Helpful x

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BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 06/07/2014 23:14

Sorry to hear about your df.
Angry about your dp! poor you.

Icimoi · 06/07/2014 23:16

Really sorry about your loss, Berry. I know from experience that, no matter how old a parent may be when he dies, it still comes as a horrible shock.

Completely off topic, but I'm actually moderately impressed that the solicitor tried to call on a Sunday. Even if he was stupid enough then to leave the news by answerphone.

RedPony · 06/07/2014 23:16

Berry you poor thing :( I am so sorry for you Liss and I hope your silly DP comes home soon with a huge bunch of Thanks to make up for being an arse! Pour yourself a big glass of lambrini and enjoy your snuggles with berrycat

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 23:22

Lambrini is hideous, dp is home and being just as horrible as the Lambrini. He's more interested in telling me about his £100 a meal out. Solicitor called on a Sundays due to it being a family friend (df) and probably his major interest in the will that I think I'm beyond caring about x

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/07/2014 23:26

Berry I'm sorry for your loss.

I would be surprised if your DP had already had a fair bit to drink by the time he got your message so he didn't respond in the right way. Also my DH will tend to assume that I will react in the way he would deal with things so he would withdraw and go quiet to give me space because that is what he would want. I had to tell him to sit down on the sofa and give me a hug when my DF died - this is the same man who the week before had dropped everything and driven me hundreds of miles to visit my DF in hospital without hesitation.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/07/2014 23:30

X Post
Spell it out simply for him, he's had too much to drink and he isn't going to pick up on any hints. Tell him to stop talking, sit next to you and cuddle you until you as him to stop.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/07/2014 23:30

Ask not as

LittlePeaPod · 06/07/2014 23:41

I couldnt read and run. I am so sorry for your lose. Thanks.

Your DP is and has behaved appllaulingly. What a thoughtless, selfish and cold man. Just applauing.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 06/07/2014 23:56

Awww :( I am so sorry Berry and I am sure that your Dad knows how much you loved him, and loved you too.
xx

Original poster
Berryglitter · 06/07/2014 23:59

I agree with you all. I don't think he actually knows what to do. He's trying desperately to be lighthearted and yeah I think he was drunk before he got my news.

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