to not donate to any charities

[Nalia]

Apparently I am BU, but I don't earn very much money and I can't afford to give 5-10% of it away! Friend thinks everyone who earns should donate. We had a bit of a disagreement about it. I'm not intending on changing my mind and won't be donating. But am I really BU, or is friend?

It's absolutely up to you what you do with your money and certainly not anyone else's place to tell you what you should do with it, whether that's a friend or someone collecting in the street

I confess I don't tend to give cash myself; instead I've organised and run events which have raised a great deal for good causes

Maybe that could work for you, if you'd like to help an organisation? Sometimes time can be even more valuable than actual cash ...

I understand your point of view Nalia but I think Fish is being very unreasonable. Not everyone can cut out something to give money to charities, and given how much some charities pay out to staff and others rather than the individuals they aim to help. You'd be better helping someone less able than give money to such as these.

You know what, I disagree in principle with charity or most charities. Especially charities for children or disabilities.

I think it's appalling to think that someone's future could depend on my generosity. I would much rather pay more tax and let health and welfare be a right not a gift.

Saying that I do support a few local charities.

Yes, I too tend to donate only to local charities or Macmillan nurses.

I donate a tenner a month by direct debit to a charity. But if there's some emergency, such as an earthquake, or the poor refugees fleeing somewhere like Syria or some war torn part of Africa, I make a one off donation to Medecin sans Frontieres, as I understand most of my money will actually go to help people, not to fund highly paid charity executives (afraid that's a bit of hobbyhorse of mine, but I won't rant about it here ...)

I certainly couldn't afford to pay one tenth of my income to charity. But - oh dear, can't help mentioning this - with my monthly direct debit, I have in the past become extremely hacked off when, no sooner has the DD been set up, the charity has got onto me, by phone and letter, asking me to UP the monthly payment! For fs, IF I could afford more, then I would and I think it's a bit cheeky. Afraid now, if the charity does this, I cancel the DD (and tell them why) and pick another charity for my largesse! I know a lot of people feel the same as I do. As for 'chuggers' ... grrrr!

I fully expect to get flamed now ... asbestos suit on ...

I dont always give money to charity, as I cannot always afford to, but actually I give a lot to charity in terms of probably at least a carrier bag of things to a charity shop every month, I buy a tin or two when im shopping, doesnt gave to be expensive- a bag of pasta is 50p, and I give it to a food bank and I also work in a charity too voluntarily. I dont think anyone can tell you how much to give, but every little helps someone. I kinda think we have to help each other out.

YANBU. No-one has any right to tell anyone what to do with their own income. We don't give to any charity at all because, like oldgrandmama I have concerns about where the money is going. Personally, I'd rather help someone I know who needs something that donate to some faceless charity that seems hellbent on pulling on heartstrings to get us to part with cash that not everyone can afford.

oldgrandmamma I agree with you about being hacked off - in fact after a couple of times I told one particular charity I choose the amount and the charities and if they hassle me again I should transfer my donation elsewhere. That particular charity has never contacted me by phone or post again

OP it is nobody's business what you do or do not donate to charity. Next time tell your friend you do not discuss your finances in detail.

I give to chairty and give different amounts at different points in my life. You do not have to give to charity if you do not want to.

Doing good in the world doesn't have to mean giving money. In fact, I've known a few people in my time who give money that means very little them, they give because it's the find thing and think that absolves them of any social conscience.

You can be a hood kind person, and you can raise awareness or simply focus on making a difference to your friends and family. You can do random acts of kindness which is my personal favourite.

I don't think many people are able to give 10%, but I also think it's a bit of a bad do if you never donate anything - time or money.
Obviously if you can't afford it, you can't afford it, but a lot of charities appreciate the regular giving of a standing order, even if it is just for £1 or £2 a month. Imagine the difference it would make to a charity if everyone you know all agreed to give just £1 a month - don't know about you, but I know hundreds of people...that would have such an impact if they had that regular income.
I think some people are a bit reticent to set up a standing order if they can't give much, but charities like to know they can rely on regular giving, and some (Water Aid for example) positively advertise they'd like people to set up a £2 a month standing order.

all we do is put food in the food bank from time to time its really all we have been able to afford and then i have to sneak it in when my husband is not with me as he is adamant we can't afford it half the time (24p pack of biccies isn't going to break us!) finances don't stretch to loads of donations they get old clothing toys and pennies in pots when they are rattled thats about it!

I have a real problem with the concept of giving away money. While I was working, saving so I could stop working as soon as possible was always a central ambition. Giving money away would have worked in direct opposition to that goal. Every pound not spent on immediate needs was a pound of capital that would generate an income stream to help pay for the rest of my life. Giving money away while working made as much sense to me as driving a car with a foot permanently on the brake.

(This is clearly not the whole story though, I probably have more than enough money now, almost certainly if I avoid ever being divorced, yet I'm still not planning to give any away. It's likely DD will get it all. Having never had to work for it, maybe she'll find it easier to part with.)

What you do with your money is nobody else's fucking business.

I was permanently put off giving to charity when I found out that the Japanese government were using funds raised for tsunami victims to prop up the whaling in the Antarctic.

I do work (though maybe it doesn't count because I'm paid for it) in a field that's focused entirely on helping people. So I'm not against helping people.

Yanbu.

Tell your friend to bollox.

FishWithABicycle
Whilst I can sort of agree with you up to a point, by that logic nobody needs to benefit from charity either, or are people who use the services of foodbanks etc also just failing to live within their means? You have no way of knowing whether the OP is on the brink of needing to receive charity, so it may not be as simple as just changing her mindset.

I pop money in charity boxes and buy help the heroes things.

I refuse to feel guilty for not doing more.

There are many, many ways of supporting good causes you care about, that don't involve directly donating money. The first is with your time - can you spare a few hours each month to volunteer? Maybe you have a skill that would be useful to a charity - updating a website, taking meeting minutes, helping with accounts.

You can help spread the message for a charity - put up a poster at work, at doctor's surgery, shops etc. or ask local shop to have a collecting tin. On social media you can share their posts and information about events, campaigns.

Items - virtually all charities, especially at this time of the year, are busy hosting fetes, fayres, and all sorts of other fun activities. You can donate home baked cakes, crafty items (do you sew, knit, stitch, make cards?), bottles or other similar items for tombola.

Gifts - As well as the ubiquitous charity goat, how about charity Christmas cards? If you are going to send a card, it can do some good at the same time. Buy some or all of your gifts from a charity or charity shop.

Your friend is being unreasonable in telling you how to dispose of your income. There is enormous satisfaction in being able to help in some way for a cause or charity you believe in. Personally, we try to tithe around 10% of our income but we also do as much voluntary work as we can - sometimes this can be more valuable especially for smaller local charities that don't have paid staff. However, I wouldn't dream of lecturing anyone else on how to spend their resources, either time or financial.

Tithing is a load of wank, IMHO.
It's made churches very rich though.

OP, do what you want.
Personally I give to charities but I never sign up to DDs or regular giving, and I make sure I always tick the 'don't contact me' box, as I really disagree with some of the more aggressive fundraising tactics. I donate my time also.

You can be charitable without giving money. You can volunteer, help out nieghbours, donate unwanted items, make or bake things etc.

Even making a point to buy things from charity shops is helpful.

I volunteer a few hours a week, it's nothing compared to what a lot of other people I work with do but I am reliable, cheerful, hardworking and intend to carry on for many more years. It all adds up.

I'm a bit sceptical of giving money directly to charities.

I'm too skint to set up a dd. I did as a student and ended up paying loads of bounced dd fees for a £3 dd to a children's charity. The bank made a mint!

I do however pop my change in a charity box whenever there's one about. That's all I can manage at the mo.

I don't donate financially. I do donate second hand items, time when possible, and shop at charity shops. Could you do that?

And always buy a couple of extra bits when the food bank trolley is being filled

You are not unreasonable, op! There are no rules to say you have to do it.

I don't donate, we are on a single wage so I can't afford to. I do volunteer for a charity & I use charity shops occasionally.

Of course you don't have money to spare OP - your lifestyle has grown to fit your income Or in some (a lot) of cases, lifestyle has shrunk to fit income. Your post is very judgemental. Not everyone spends every spare penny just because they can. So many people have barely (if) any disposable income to play with.