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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit annoyed about DP having a fag?

34 replies

passmethewineplease · 06/07/2014 13:49

DO quite smoking over a year ago, he will on a rare occasion have one on a night out when he has had a few.

However he's just came in from the garden and he stinks, I knew straight away he had had one, AIBU in being a bit annoyed about it? He hasn't had a drink and doesn't usually do it.

I just feel it's a bit stupid as it is easy to become addicted again and how hard it is to break the habit, and he had done really well in just giving up.

Or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
passmethewineplease · 06/07/2014 13:50

Sorry about the typos on the phone and it likes to finish my words..

DO is DP, quite is quit. Blush

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/07/2014 13:52

Shoot him. Or hang. All smokers should be.

Someone will be along soon to tell you this.

WorraLiberty · 06/07/2014 13:52

It is a silly thing to do as it's so easy to get addicted again.

YANBU to feel a bit annoyed, but he's an adult and entitled to smoke if he's daft enough, so there's nothing you can do.

hmmmwhatnow · 06/07/2014 13:55

Yes its stupid but DO NOT SAY YOU KNOW.

DH gave up then had 1 and me knowing gave him freedom not to hide it and to start properly again :(

Original poster
passmethewineplease · 06/07/2014 13:57

I wouldn't try and make him do anything, he is a grown adult after all.

I just hope he doesn't get addicted again for the sake of the odd fag.

OP posts:
myusernameis · 06/07/2014 14:00

Yanbu to be annoyed but I know how hard it is to quit.

Not the point of the thread but I think smoking when he has a few drinks is part of the problem. This is my longest no smoking period so far (2 years and counting) and I've used the e-cig with low or zero nicotine or nicotine mints/patches when drinking and in other moments of weakness.

All the other times I've tried and failed to give up have been when I've allowed myself the odd cigarette... I really don't think that can work as you start allowing the 'odd one' more and more. Of course that isn't true for everyone but might help your dp out.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/07/2014 14:04

OH GOD this is me. I quit on 1 June last year and I have started having a crafty fag here and there especially when on a night out and DH and the DC are not around. I really don't want to start again. I like being a non -smoker. A LOT.

I would talk to him about it. Let him know how disappointed and angry you are and how much you like him not smoking - not stinking, healthier, not always slinking off to have a fag, not spending so much money, etc etc. Lay on a massive guilt trip. This would work with me.

ICanSeeTheSun · 06/07/2014 14:19

It's rarely a one off thing.

The odd 1 turns into 2, then 2 become 4-5 and it keep going up until before you know it you are hooked again.

I feel into this trap way too many time.

Don't be annoyed, try being supportive as that will work on me.

TheBloodManCometh · 06/07/2014 14:34

expat how aggressive and unhelpful of you.

I'd be pissed too, OP.

slithytove · 06/07/2014 14:40

DH does this, then lies about it.
Pointless as I'm pregnant and the smell makes me vomit and I have a nose like a bloodhound

Really fucks me off, as if I believed his lies he would happily pick (premature) DS up in his smoky clothes with his smoky hands and let him breathe in his smoky hair.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/07/2014 14:47

TheBloodMan I do believe expat was being, you know, ironic.

Original poster
passmethewineplease · 06/07/2014 14:58

He's assured me he won't become addicted again but I think he's being quite naive myself.

his dad shouldn't of given him one either

OP posts:
Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 06/07/2014 15:02

If he is smoking in the garden - so close to home, he is already addicted again.

Been there - it was me that was hiding in the garden, pretending I only smoked the odd one when is had a drink with friends.

I like smoking. I managed to give up while pregnant but it crept back in.

I've gone on to a vapour cig since Xmas . It's ace.

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 06/07/2014 15:05

I have never been a smoker but several friends were/are and from what I see quiting is very difficult and sometimes theres stop starting, where someone will stop for ages and then start again and stop again in a few months.

Golferman · 06/07/2014 15:51

Very easy to get re-addicted. I gave up for 18 years then stupidly had one or two on hols five years ago and am back on them :-(

Elledouble · 06/07/2014 16:07

It is stupidly easy to get addicted again. God, I'd fucking love a cigarette (and I've not had one for about three years).

ICanSeeTheSun · 06/07/2014 16:27

4 weeks smoke free for me and at times I could smoke 1 after another, but I'm not going to risk it.

maras2 · 06/07/2014 18:39

Don't understand why people say ' I've stopped smoking but have a crafty one occasionaly '. I smoked 20 a day for 40ish years and when I quit 5 years ago I did cold turkey.I knew that if I had just one drag then I'd be back to 20 a day within the week.It's just lying really isn't it?Tell DH that he's fooling no one.

fluffymouse · 06/07/2014 19:06

I don't why he would be stupid enough to risk it.

Smoking is a disgusting habit.

Onesleeptillwembley · 06/07/2014 19:26

Personally I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a smoker. Not under any circumstances. Urgh.
But you were ok with him smoking in the past so I don't think you're in a position to object, unless there's new circumstances to preclude it.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 06/07/2014 19:27

You missed out 'selfish' and 'smelly', fluffymouse Wink

Easily done OP Sad Not many people can handle just being a 'social smoker', it usually escalates. I'd have relapsed months ago if I wasn't on an ecig. It's always the one or two on a night out that leads back to full time smoking.

Did he smoke when you got together? Also, did he actually want to give up or did he just feel he ought to?

Treat him like an adult - tell him you know, ask him what he wants to do about it. If he did want to give up he'll be feeling deeply disappointed in himself. If he wants to quit again then hopefully he's learnt his lesson - no more occasional fags on a night out.

Foolishlady · 06/07/2014 19:32

I had one or two with a drink a few months ago and now I'm back on them Sad foolish of him

Original poster
passmethewineplease · 06/07/2014 19:40

He did smoke when we met but I didn't really see it as a huge issue till we moved in and had our ds.

He knows I know and knows how I feel, he feels in control of it I suspect.

Reasons for giving up were new baby, and I think he realised it was affecting his health more than he thought.

OP posts:
PlentyOfPubeGardens · 06/07/2014 19:42

Doesn't sound like you have actually talked to him about it.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 06/07/2014 19:48

For all the lapsed smokers on this thread, did you know we now have a shiney new Stop Smoking section? There are lots of vapers on there but you'll get loads of support and encouragement whatever method you use to quit Smile