Re dad and wife staying when baby comes?

[Eminybob]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, and as none of my family live locally, I will be putting people up when they come and visit once the baby comes.

My mum will come up just after DP goes back to work and she's planning to help about the house and with the baby. That will help and be lovely.

My dad and his wife have planned a visit in September to coincide with my dad's birthday. They have had this planned for quite a few months and to be honest the birthday sounds more like the main purpose of the trip, rather than visiting us and the baby.

They came up to stay earlier in the year, and are just such hard work. She has ridiculous demands about what she will and won't eat, and she is always ill and moaning. Just before they came last time she dropped a shampoo bottle on her foot and had to be in a wheelchair the whole time (well the dr didn't give her one, she hired it ) and I at 12 weeks pregnant had to push her round the whole time (I started a thread about it at the time)

They don't drive so will expect to be picked up from the train station and ferried round, and wanting to visit other local family.

I will have a poss 6 week old baby, I've not done this before and I really don't know how I'll cope entertaining visitors, let alone ones as demanding as them (well, her, my dad is pretty easy going)

Anyway, she's just called me asking me to get a birthday cake for my dad before they come and I'm afraid I was rather off with her. I said quite shortly that I will if I remember but I have quite a lot going on between now and then. Also said I won't be able to look after then as I will be preoccupied with baby. She sounded quite upset and asked if it was still ok to come. I feel awful but I really would rather they didn't stay. Of course I want my dad to meet his grandson and them staying is the only way it can happen. They wanted to come for 2 weeks originally, I think I've already upset then but saying they can only stay a few days.

Aibu and a bit pfb? Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I sympathise OP. Whilst I don't think my DM and her DP are quite as bad I've been let down by them this week. I'm due in 3 weeks and they're arriving just before my due date. I thought to help us and to be there for DD1 when I go to hospital etc. 2 days ago DM calls me to ask which week of their visit would be best for them to go away for a week on their own somewhere in California. This is after repeatedly reassuring me that she was coming out to help me and that she wouldn't be going anywhere (and that her DP was looking into things to do on his own). I'm very pissed off. I told her I didn't know as depends when dd2 makes her appearance, how I'm recovering etc. I thought they were coming out to help us but no it's just another holiday for them. They did the same when DD1 was born so I should've known they'd do it again. That time they disappeared off on day trips every day and hardly saw DM's first grandchild. We were basically a free hotel. I wouldn't have agreed to them coming if I'd known as I was looking forward to the help and support from my DM and now I'm just disappointed.

Tempted to send them b&b details too!

Sorry for my rant, as I said OP I sympathise! You do not want people in your house when you have a new DC if they aren't going to helpful. Worse, if they're going to cause more work.

If she is an always ill type prepare for her to be extra ill when you have a baby and the attention is on you and the baby

You may well feel fine at 6 weeks (I did after my first & had a section) but you won't want to be running around after people, especially if you're juggling feeding with driving. Practice saying no & ask them to do done cooking, tell her up source a bloody cake etc

The cake call has just reinforced what you already knew.

Brunos message is spot on. Stand your ground op.

Hells it's not about op not liking her dad's wife, I'm sure she wouldn't mind them staying if they weren't sure hard work
..

My in laws stayed when dd2 was 5 days the day after I got out of hospital. They acted as if nothing had happened and expected business as usual hosting wise. They didn't bring any food and as dd 5 weeks early I hadn't done the fill the freezer thing.

My mother ended up catering for them. I had a massive tantrum on the second night as they expected home cooked dinner and when dh suggested a takeaway fil said he didn't like them. Afraid I shouted that I didn't give a fuck about his food preferences and ran upstairs in a rage. It was not. Y finest hour but dd2 was prem and not feeding I was expressing round the clock ie every 3 hours. Our relationship never really recovered...

Hi Emany, my ds is 8 weeks old, so not far off where you'll be at the time!

I am much better at hosting visitors now than in the early days, in that I can just about wizz round and hide the mess and make sure we have biscuits before they arrive, but visitors staying more than a couple of hours makes me anxious still.

I am bf. At this stage ds feeds 8-10 times a day, each feed takes 60-90 mins. So, once you add that up you can see there's very little time for looking after anyone else. And do you really want to be shut in your room all that time? Feeding is still a tricky business, I wouldn't want to spend 10 hours doing it in front of an audience

Any chance you could use the argument of them nog getting much sleep with a newborn?

Just catching up on the replies, thanks everyone for the advice. Some did make me giggle, I wish I could get away with saying some of the things.

Not sure if I'm brave enough to ask them to stay in a hotel though. Might get DP to speak to my dad (cop out I know)

If you think that you would end up doing stuff that that you don't want to if they stayed with you, or if you just think that they would be in the way, don't let them stay.

Re the cake-why can't she sort it when she gets to you??

Are you even that bothered about seeing your dad on his bday??