To think that if you take DC to an essentially adult concert

[thirteenchickens]

you should help them behave in a reasonable fashion. i.e. if every one else is sitting, sometimes laughing, and clapping politely , your DS should not be whooping, jumping up and air punching at every opportunity? Also if audience participation is involved and we are asked to sing, your DC should not shout?

I went to a concert a few days ago and am still annoyed. It was a very mixed audience with just a few DC (my own DS included) most of whom just behaved like everyone else. But one DS (9 to 12?) behaved completely inappropriately through out, and his mum made absolutely no attempt to encourage him to modify his behaviour to the point where it was distracting for the rest of the audience and embarrassing for the performer (consumate professional though he was).

I felt sorry for the DS - he seemed completely oblivious to how every one else was behaving, in a very small hall - but surely his mother should have either helped him realise what behaviour is expected at this sort of do, or not brought him if he was for some reason unable to modify his behaviour? Bizarrely, the mother seemed to find his behaviour endearing - I think she was the only one. I went out to see a great performer and have a fun evening with my DH and DC, not to watch someone else's DC.

Incidentally the performer does plenty of shows aimed and children, and was pleased to see children in the audience at this concert.

YANBU. Parents should at least try to keep their children contained.

You'd better get your hardhat on OP. You need to tell us the performer and the nature of the performance in order to judge.

Also....people will say it...the boy may have had special needs.

'...not brought him if for some reason he was unable to modify his behaviour...'

What like people with certain disabilities? If they can't 'modify' their behaviour they should stay away from performances that welcome other children? Apart from being illegal to ask that someone stay away because of that it's also a downright shitty attitude.

You are going to get flamed and for that comment alone you deserve it.

People who can't modify their behaviour shouldn't be taken to places?! Fucking hell.

Well this is going to go badly. I think the part about the parent being unable to modify the child's behaviour could be taken as quite offensive even if you didn't mean it that way OP.

And before you start trying to defend your statement you said UNABLE, not refused to, wouldn't or won't.

UNABLE - meaning not able to. Rather than WON'T - meaning can but refuses to.

It's a subtle but MASSIVE difference, the difference between able and disabled.

I used to occasionally make judgements like this. Then I had a child with ASD & ADHD.

Just out of interest, how did you know the performer was embarrassed by it? Could you have been projecting your own discomfort?

Oh sorry, I misread the information when I signed up to MN and posted on AIBU. I thought the point of AIBU was to canvass opinion, perhaps try to see things from another point of view , and maybe even learn something and become a bit more open minded by asking what other people think.

It's a shame as I have enjoyed reading some people's posts and comments recently. Perhaps I was BU in my original post, but if its beyond MN for people to just reply in a civil fashion to point that out, I will give up.

My mistake. Off I go.

Perhaps this is a reverse AIBU? In which case, I'm sorry you and your son had that experience, and I hope the next concert you attend has a more tolerant and understanding audience.

^ which is why I would never start a thread on AIBU.
I agree with the OP about canvassing opinion, unfortunately it's not how AIBU works is it folks.

quickest flounce ever!

What was the concert OP?

i think it is one of those situations where you had to be there to see how much the boy was effecting the show. if it really was that bad then you are not being unreasonable.

the child may have had a disability but equally he may not have. ive met loads of parents who think their badly behaved children are adorable.

I also think it depends on the concert. Who (or what) was it?

Hang on, if she flounces, how will we know what concert it was?!?

It sounds like the wee lad was really getting into the performance - and good for him! I'm glad he was having fun.

At a classical concert, the sort where you listen in silence and applaud at the end, the question is whether your DCs can do that and if they can't it does not matter why they can't - you can't spoil the enjoyment of the whole audience.

My opinion is that your language and viewpoint is diabilist and offensive.

Again - 'if HE is UNABLE to modify his behaviour...'

If you don't like the responses you are getting to something YOU have said then that's normally a hint that you need to have another look at what you are saying and how you are saying it.

Your language is offensive, as is your opinion, but you've flounced because you are unhappy by what people are saying in response? Right.

Andrew oh but you are wrong. It does matter why they can't. Because under the Equality Act 2010 if the reason they can't is due to a DISABILITY then legally they CAN do just that.

Yanbu this is really inconsiderate.

I have a child with special needs and I see no issue here. I should also tell you that I have met far more little shits than I have ever met those with genuine LD etc. Of the ones I know that do have behavioural problems in this sort of setting, the parents dont take them. Suggesting that it isnt an appropriate place for a child with certain types of special needs is not disablist, just common sense. DS had, and still has, poor impulse control so I had to be very selective where we went both for our and others enjoyment, and occasionally I misjudged and we have had to leave.

And anyway, chances are he didnt have a medical issue, most of the kids you see playing up and being indulged dont. The only issue they have is poor parenting and lack of discipline.

Yanbu....

Especially as the mother seemed to 'find it endearing'

Yes, the boy may have had special needs, but you know, equally (or quite possibly more likely) he might not.
In which case then YANBU OP.
Obviously we weren't there, we don't know (and may not have known if we were there), but that said, we've all come across parents who think the world should revolve around their dc (mostly, this happens to me on MN, not in RL) and this could well have been one of those occasions.

You have two sources of complaint here, one possibly justified, one not. First, I can’t tell whether this was an appropriate show for this lady to take her son to or not. If this artiste does lots of child-friendly events, and if it is a very mixed audience and some children do come along, the mother might have judged this show as appropriate for her son too. She might have been mistaken. Did your DH and DC enjoy the event, or did they find the boy as hard to ignore as you did?

You also make another point which is not justified. You say that his mother “should help [him] behave in a reasonable fashion”. Believe it or not, she was probably doing exactly that. She might have been very proud and happy that her son joined in the singing, however untunefully. The fact that he jumped and whooped at “every opportunity” rather than non-stop suggests that he was learning some concept of how to behave at a performance, of what is a real opportunity to join in or show appreciation and what is not. His mother might have been delighted that he was enjoying himself and feeling very proud of how well he was behaving (these things are relative). And she might be very aware that to correct his remaining mistakes on the spot would have achieved nothing but to set his behaviour and learning back. Whether or not this was the right setting, I can’t fault her behaviour as a teacher.

If the performer was pleased to see children in his audience then I trust he showed a welcome to all the children there.