To want to have shouted something back?

[slithytove]

Out in the garden and lots of children playing in the neighbourhood.

Out of nowhere a very very loud aggressive voice shouts "if you do that again I'm going to whack you even harder now get to your room"

He shouted something again a couple of minutes later but couldn't hear what.

Me and DH were pretty shocked and quite sad.

Aibu to be shocked/sad?

And had DH and DS not been there, I would have shouted back something along the lines of "it's disgusting to whack anyone / maybe someone should whack you" etc etc.

Aibu? I think I'm not but I don't know if my reaction was extreme or not. But to hit someone, and then to threaten to whack them harder? :(

Assuming it was a child, is that the right thing to do? Respond to violence with worse violence?

DS is only 15 months so I don't know what's reasonable or not. Gut says not.

Seriously, this was so loud, and so aggressive, and completely incongruous in the other noises of families and children enjoying the sunshine.

YABU.

You have no idea what happened, but seen to think your stance on smaking means that you can undermine someone's parenting and shout threats.

Maybe the man talking had just had a bat to the bollocks and was actually being remarkably restrained.

That second shout could have been him getting out of earshot of the kids before he vented with a stream of obscenities... I've noticed that seems to be the usual response to a whack in the balls

You do not know the context.

I know I don't know the context hence the Aibu for my reaction.

Is it ever ok to threaten someone with violence, let alone increased violence to (presumably) what has just taken place?

Taking into account we do not know if child hit child, child hit dad, or dad hit child to begin with.

Isn't the child hitting someone / child hitting dads balls scenario just as likely as child having been hit by dad? It's all hypothetical.

And in fairness, I wouldn't have shouted a threat, I put what I would have shouted, and I doubt a man who sounded so aggressive would have been threatened by me? (Female). Even DH was shocked at the aggression.

But if I Aibu to feel shocked and to have wanted to shout something back, I will accept that and work on my reactions. I'm sure it will happen more often as DS grows up.

OP, people are different, bought up differently and parent differently.

A lot of parents don't understand what can be emotionally harmful, or how damaging using passive aggressive language, or sarcasm, is, but I hear this all of the time.

I come from quite a load and aggressive sounding family, we all communicate differently.

Sorry, I just had a mental image of a big blokey, bloke and a teeny, tiny child with a bat....

U to have wanted to threaten violence, as you did in your example.

NU to have wanted to do something to shake the man out of his angry mode.

I said something similar to my almost 13 year old ds when he hit dd3 who is four for accidently turned off his dvd.
OP you don't know the circumstances at all. It could have been said to a very young child or it could have been said to a toerag of a teenager.

It's not right, but I very nearly said something along those lines to eight year old DSS when he Threw a monster truck at one day old DS.

I didn't off course but you never know what happened, or who they were talking too.

I didn't want to threaten violence! That is my entire problem with the situation.

Saying that maybe someone should whack him is not the same. It's not a threat, I'm not saying I will whack him etc. Apart from anything else, I have no way of getting someone to whack him (and wouldn't because it's wrong IMO).

Yes being pa and sarcastic etc is damaging. Is threatening to whack someone any less so? What if he wasn't speaking to a child (I accept he likely was), would that change viewpoints?

ot but the word whack is losing all meaning I've typed it that many times

And now I am singing

Nick Nack Paddy Whack
...

I don't agree with threatening violence to a child but I know that when pushed to my absolute limits I have said some things to dc that I have regretted and been ashamed of. We are all human and having someone agressively point this out to me at a really stressful time would do nothing but upset and anger me further. I wouldn't be surprised if the adult in question later berated themselves for their loss of control. It's not your place to put them straight.

Some people discipline their child by smacking, that's life. My friends oh smacked their son when he bit my son deliberately and drew blood (children were 6 and other child didn't want my son to play with his toys). He smacked his bum and told him to go to his room, to which child replied cheekly and father responded with the same comment you said. Personally I think it was appropiate and would have given a mouthful to any neighbour that decided to comment

I threatened my Former Partner that i would pick up something heavy and hit it with him, if he smacked my dog again, he had tapped her.

So I wouldn't think anything differently if one adult said this to another, it depends on the context.

This was the subject of a thread when a neighbour threatened to kick the OPs cat.

We are human, unless you're a Buddhist Monk, you're going to lose your temper, occasionally.

I personally believe it's possible to lose your temper without threatening violence, I manage it and don't see that in the situation I described, the bloke couldn't have said "if you do that again I will punish you, now go to your room."

Seriously, it was like all the gardens went silent when this bellow came out of nowhere!

But as Pp have said, some people hit, and I don't know the circumstances which might make it acceptable. (Presumably there are also hypothetical circumstances where it would not have been acceptable?)

However, fair enough, iabu and shouldn't have been shocked/sad. Bit of a wake up for me is all and I will work on my wanting to react.

YABU - you dont know how old the child is, how much they have pushed the parent that day or if it is the norm.

Some parents shout empty threats. It could've been in response to a series of events that have taken the man to the very end of his tether.

I wouldn't like to hear it but this scenario wouldn't make me want to shout at the man.

YANBU to be shocked. Even though I lose my rag with my dc I'm still shocked and sad when I hear others also do it. I'm also shocked and sad when I do it if that makes any sense. The point is he lost control of his temper and rational thought with it. To substitute the word "whack" withthe word "punish" would require some degree of clear, rational thought which he clearly didn't have at that moment in time.

I'm pretty sure that as your dc grows and perhaps you have more, you will also be shocked at the limits you can be pushed to. I don't think you were being U to be shocked but I think you would definitely have been U to have shouted back...

Fair enough!

Though I must say - I don't think I'll ever threaten to hit anyone. I don't do it now, have strong reasons not to, so hopeful I won't become a hypocrite.

Next one is due in sept btw!

YABU because you don't know the context but I'd be a bit shocked as well. DD accidentally hit me in the face with her tennis racket once as she was practicing her serve in the hall (like you do.....) and I came out of the kitchen at the wrong time. Heaven knows what the neighbours thought when I shouted at her.

aw least you asked instead of sitting there hoiking up pants!

Being pushed to frustration by toddler is quite different you see to an older child. Toddlers can do 'naughty things' whilst still appearing cute, and the fact they are still very young help maintain a level of perspective.

I find it hard when to maintain a certain level of patience and perspective with DS (8) who I will ask reapeatdly to get washed/dressed and he does not. I find it very stressful when we need to be somewhere on time, normally school. These are the times when I may lose my temper, raise my voice and issue a threat of some sort.

It may well be that you never threaten violence - I'm don't recall having done so but I have said/done other things in the heat of the moment that I have been horrified by. I hold my hands up to having sworn, bellowed, behaved agressively and been sarcastic. I have later hated myself for it and vowed to be a better parent.

It's not normally in my nature to do those things and they don't happen often but I have heard (otherwise fantastic parents) also lose their temper in a similar way.

What I find truly shocking are people who use that type of agression and language with their children when they are (in that moment) of sound mind.

Congratulations and good luck with baby number 2