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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman's comments are rude?

40 replies

Mumtums · 04/07/2014 21:39

Need a bit of perspective on this. In a baby music class, random mum has loudly commented twice, on separate occasions that my baby is small. Always said quite sneerily, 'ooh he's really small, isn't he'?

First time she said it, I was a bit taken aback. Literally never spoken to this woman before and that's the first thing she said.

This week we were chatting and she made comments again 'oh he's such a small baby, what does he weigh?' I told her I didn't know, he was weighed 2 weeks ago blah blah.

For what it's worth, he's not a huge baby but not tiny, would say he's fairly average and a good weight. DD was similar size at that age. Wouldn't mind but this woman's baby is the same age and smaller!

Would I BU to tell her she is fucking rude and if she wants to make conversation with a stranger there are nicer things she could say?

OP posts:
Annunziata · 04/07/2014 21:42

Yes, you would BU to say that, you are stooping to her level.

Smile and ignore her, she is wanting a reaction so don't you give her one.

amy83firsttimer · 04/07/2014 21:43

Maybe she wants some reassurance about the weight of her baby, so she's using the fact your baby is smallish as something you two have in common? Sounds like she might be nervous and just not phrasing very well. Next time you see her you could point out both your baby's are on the small side and see where the conversation goes from there.

fourforksache · 04/07/2014 21:43

new mums sometimes get competitive over the stupidest things. yes, I think she's being offensive but it's probably best you don't rip her a new arsehole comment.

londonrach · 04/07/2014 21:44

Smile and think privately she making up for something. Let it goooo..

whereisshe · 04/07/2014 21:45

People are weird about other people's babies sometimes, it's just a mix of insecurity and misplaced competitiveness. I'd ignore, you know your baby is ok.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 04/07/2014 21:45

Why is small bad?

First it's the baby bumps, on the same day you can be called big and small, now it's the babies

It's just a conversation starter... my baby is under weight, it is a boring topic, just say " doctor isn't worried, he's developing fantastically"

TheEnchantedForest · 04/07/2014 21:46

It is such a daft thing to get competitive about that surely she must just be making conversation? maybe she is abit lonely but not much good at the small talk thing?

drLu · 04/07/2014 21:46

I used to get the other end of it stating that my baby was big - she was 9lb 4 when born so not small but not massive. People are just rude but I don't think they intentionally want to piss you off or offend. Some people just don't know what to say.

I'm pregnant again and get all sorts of comments about the size of my bump - I'm massive/neat/small!!! I just smile even though I think it's rude to comment.

soverylucky · 04/07/2014 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chippednailvarnish · 04/07/2014 21:48

Why do you care what she thinks?

oaksettle · 04/07/2014 21:50

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phantomnamechanger · 04/07/2014 21:50

how old are they? does he look older than her child, so she assumes older and therefore small for age?

eg has he got a full head of her and hers is bald ? or a nice toothy smile and hers is toothless?

Fluffyemenent · 04/07/2014 21:53

I agree with soverylucky, why are we all so quick to assume the worst e.g someone is rude or competitive? Maybe she is socially inept, lonely or just has baby brain and doesn't remember having said it previously and is just making conversation?

MrsMarigold · 04/07/2014 21:53

People always comment on my DD because she is so little - I'm not bothered.

evelynj · 04/07/2014 22:00

'My babies have both been really big & people always comment. I don't take it to mean anything bad & I don't think they mean anything rude by it but I'm sorry you're upset by it. I'd take it just as chit chat-some people are a lot freer in what they say, but if you're really offended just be honest & say he's absolutely fine but I hate it when people say that it always makes me defensive-just say it in a pleasant & friendly way -how she responds to that will tell your more about her character & intentions ;)

At least all your nice baby clothes will fit for a while longer-I find it so sad when I'm putting them away.

redskyatnight · 04/07/2014 22:04

My baby was small for her age. But plenty of people used to remark "isn't she big?". I think you have to smile and nod and just assume they are making conversation and don't mean anything by it.

Mumtums · 04/07/2014 22:13

I would be understanding if I thought it was social awkwardness. We'd talked about lots of other stuff quite happily this week and then she made the weight comments again. I'd actually forgotten it was her who said it first time around, only remembered later.

There was just something about her tone which I didn't like, yes maybe it was competitiveness. With my first, my NCT group were ridiculously competitive over everything (how do you do italics?) so maybe this incident just triggered memories of that.

OP posts:
hesterton · 04/07/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumtums · 04/07/2014 22:20

Phantom - she knows his age, that was the 2nd thing she asked after commenting on his weight Grin
DS does have a big smile for everyone he meets and was there gurning up at her and all she could say was how small he was, not even a smile back!

Not saying everyone has to smile back blah blah but you know what I mean.

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 04/07/2014 22:23

I would comment 'well, its better than being fat' and leave it at that... you've not said that her baby is fat, but you've not said that it isn't either... but perhaps that's too Blush

littlesupersparks · 04/07/2014 22:24

I had it about mine being big - as it was I was pretty proud of their chub and thought they were beautiful so I never took it too badly. However, I have made the odd comment about others being small. I think it's because mine were big so quickly it always surprises me to see a 'small' baby holding it's head up etc etc

I think small babies are gorgeous along with every other baby so I really hope I've never offended!

For reference my youngest was 16lb at 16 weeks. They same size as next doors little boy at 16 months. He is gorgeous too and still quite dainty.

I know some people say things spitefully though - you just have to remember it's probably just their own insecurities playing out xx

DomesticSlobbess · 04/07/2014 22:27

YANBU.

Strangers would comment on DS. He was born 8 weeks prem. I got lots of...

Stranger: "Oh how old is he?"
Me: "11 weeks"
Stranger: "What? Really?!"

A week after we took DS home (so he would have been 8 weeks old, 0 weeks corrected) we were in town and a man with a baby in a pram said, "If this little one points to his baby is only two weeks old then how old must yours be?"

We explained that he was 8 weeks old but born prem so technically shouldn't be born yet. When inside my sarcastic side should have told him I'd given birth that morning and couldn't wait to go shopping Hmm

littlesupersparks · 04/07/2014 22:28

My friend had twins at 32 weeks / everyone goes on about how new they must be and what cute tiny babies they are. They are 6 months. She was saying how annoying it was last time I saw her then she sort of looked at me again and said, I guess you got tired of all the comments about your boys' weights too?

I think there's always something'!

Hair is another thing people can't help but comment on! Especially little girls with very little or boys who 'need' it cut!

DomesticSlobbess · 04/07/2014 22:28

Oops forgot asterisks bold things!

woollytights · 04/07/2014 22:35

What exactly is rude or socially inept about commenting on a baby being small?