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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be pleased DP is on holiday next week?

45 replies

unlucky83 · 04/07/2014 14:24

Bit of a saga -but was a bit disorganised this year...in Scotland so children have been on holiday for a week already and much cheaper to go in the first two weeks before the English holidays start.
So 3 weeks before I asked DP to put in a holiday request for this week and next week (he works weekends but holiday week runs from Mon - and holiday lets usually run from a Sat -so he needs 2 weeks if we want to do something like that)
He wasn't very happy - a big company and they are supposed to give 4 weeks notice etc - caused an argument. I thought no harm in asking, he thought it was embarrassing... Anyway his request was turned down - for the whole period - with too short notice scrawled over it and they put a reminder notice up for all the staff. He felt humiliated. (But then he is overly sensitive about stuff like that)
Fine - decided we would go overseas in Oct half term (Dcs have two weeks and we would have time to sort passports etc out too).
He has just come home today - he has just seen the rota - he is on holiday for a week from next Mon -isn't that fantastic!

He can't understand why I'm not overjoyed...
(apart from the fact unexpectedly I can't go anywhere for health reasons at the moment - only a day ago I thought it was lucky we hadn't booked a holiday)
it is Mon - Sun - so we couldn't book a caravan/cottage/anywhere really for a week
I'll be lucky to get a space in a cattery at such short notice...
And if he takes this week he thinks he will only be able to take a week in Oct - so again will find Sat- Sat - or even Tue-Tue etc difficult.
I've said he should tell them he doesn't want it - it is pointless - he said he thinks his boss is trying to do him a favour...so he really has to take it Hmm
(I don't think they are - and what is revealing is no- one he works with directly is on holiday this week or next week - seems it was refused purely on principle - next week would have been 4 weeks notice - if they hadn't turned the whole thing down!)...
We have just had another argument about it - DP thinks I'm being unreasonable ...but I don't think I am...
An employer can't give someone 3 days notice for a weeks holiday - especially when they want 4 weeks minimum...

OP posts:
MelanieCheeks · 04/07/2014 14:27

Surely you could find things to do day-tripish? I'd be inclined to make the best of it, rather than keep arguing about it.

Branleuse · 04/07/2014 14:29

youve got some holiday now. whats the problem?
Its not as good as youd hoped, but its still not bad

Original poster
unlucky83 · 04/07/2014 14:29

We can do day trips - and it would be great
but this means we won't be able to go away anywhere this year... which is not so good Sad....

OP posts:
qwertybirdie · 04/07/2014 14:30

Lots of places in UK have Monday check-ins Haven etc

qwertybirdie · 04/07/2014 14:31

Book a week away for you and the kids, he can fly out for 5 days or whatever he has off

Jinty64 · 04/07/2014 14:31

YABU, there is clearly no pleasing you. You have known for at least a year that your children would be on holiday now. You know when the English holidays are. You should have sorted something out ages ago and your DP could have sorted out his holiday without going against his works policy. If I were him I wouldn't cancel it now they have gone to the trouble of sorting it out.

Thisismyfirsttime · 04/07/2014 14:34

If your health improves Hoseasons do Mon-Fri 4 night holidays in their cottages, I prefer this as I have the weekend before to get everything ready and the weekend after to get everything sorted before work the next week! And if it were only 4 nights you could perhaps get someone in to feed the cat if you knew anyone? They do really good last minute deals as well. I understand why you are annoyed, I would be too but I'd try to salvage it. Or get him to take the kids on day trips every day so you can rest!

balia · 04/07/2014 14:34

If you want to do something specific you have to organise holidays in advance, surely? I'm sure you could get something brilliant - get a last minute deal, see it as a positive. If you can't get a cattery, could you find a reliable neighbour to feed the cat? It's not like a dog that needs exercise etc...

revealall · 04/07/2014 14:42

YANBU. I get why this is annoying you.

However I don't think you should turn down the holiday. If you don't feel up to going anywhere then he is around at least to take the children off your hands.
He could take them somewhere for a night and give you a chance to recover/ have a break.
October is a different matter. It doesn't need to be 7 or 14 days surely? Book flights and a hotel yourself and you can do as many or as few nights as you want.

Original poster
unlucky83 · 04/07/2014 15:22

Thanks reveala - I usually do package holiday deals for convenience...enough hassle sorting out airport parking, cattery etc...but I could look at something 'tailored' for Oct this year - but not many flights go from our nearest airport - still I have plenty of time...

As to other posters - most of the smaller sites book Sat - Sat...
I'm not keen on the big Haven type holiday parks....but even so looking the only availability for next week we could easily drive to (I can't do long drives at the moment) would be £1000...a lot for something we don't really want to do ...
And I would have to start running around now - clothes and food shopping, finding suitcases, packing, checking the car (I need a new front tyre ...)
And I can't leave the cat - she is an outdoor cat - won't use a tray - not fair to leave her locked in. But we live off the road. When I've been out for a long time she will hang round the main road looking for us to get back - neighbour used to get someone feed their cat when away and it did the same - got knocked over and killed...

But it is all academic - needing daily Gp appointments and blood tests at the moment - nobodies fault - I just couldn't go - and I don't have the brain space or energy just now...

Also DP knew when the school hols were - more or less the same every year ...he asked me a while ago and I said first 2 weeks of the school holiday - never said anything again until I found out he had been waiting for me to give him the dates so hadn't booked them off...
He also wanted to do a city break type thing (overseas) this year ...I wasn't keen with DCs - I said if he wanted to do that he could organise it - he hasn't even renewed his passport - usually I organise everything, packing for me and Dcs - he often doesn't even know exactly where we are going - one year I was so annoyed I nearly left him at home (he might have liked that though Hmm) - I was rushing around, packing, emptying bins, organising DCs etc and he was sat on the sofa with his bag - asking why we hadn't left yet - and in the car he is always the first who asks 'are we nearly there yet'- and sets the DCs off!

OP posts:
MelanieCheeks · 04/07/2014 15:29

Sounds as if you have enough going on right now, and a take-it-easy week based from home might be good for you. Can you get any "me" time, a spa afternoon or something?

mynewpassion · 04/07/2014 15:42

I know you are not well but there seems to be no pleasing you. Let him take care of the children for a few days while you get some rest. They can visit relatives, do day trips, or just hang out at the park.

CoffeeTea103 · 04/07/2014 18:12

I would have been pissed off with you if I was your DH for making him ask for the leave when it was clearly against policy.

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 18:29

Why didnt he put his holidays in before now it's a bit disorganised dh has to put his holidays in months in advance and unless you are flying from an English airport its not cheaper in summer anyway you could go away for a week here and check in monday to Friday

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 18:30

And you did nag him what did you expect his work need notice

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 18:31

Oh just read updates sorry he is an arse you told him when holidays were

Bearbehind · 04/07/2014 18:31

I don't think either of you are in the right.

The Scottish schools always start their school holidays before the English schools so there was absolutely no excuse for not booking the holidays in line with company policy.

He should have booked it- you should have asked if he had- then this wouldn't have happened.

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 18:33

I dont understand why you didnt book a holiday tbh

MelanieCheeks · 04/07/2014 18:43

But if you HAD booked a holiday, am I right in understanding that you'd now not be able to take it? So the whole arguement you're getting into is hypothetical?

Choose your battles.

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 19:02

I know you are annoyed but shit happen sand you had nothing planned or booked and if you are not well can you be bothered with the hassle anyway go days out instead and if you're not feeling up to it you can stay home

Mrsjayy · 04/07/2014 19:05

Youbknow what id do id go online see what there is tell him he is taking the kids here there and everywhere and take a break why is he so lazy and why do you run after him

Original poster
unlucky83 · 04/07/2014 23:30

Melanie - yes - if we had booked it would have been disaster...so that was a good/lucky thing really...(except obviously it isn't for me) - but ignoring the health thing.
He hasn't been told - just seen on the rota put out today that they have put him on holiday from Mon next week...
I have been arguing with DP because I think he should at least tell his immediate boss he'd rather not have holiday next week - he'd like to keep it for Oct - but he won't...as he thinks that would be ungrateful ...he will thank him profusely instead Confused
He is a good employee - works hard, never off sick, never late ...sure his immediate boss thinks he is doing him a favour...
but if I was trying to help someone but actually it was doing the opposite personally I'd rather they told me than pretended ...maybe that is just me...

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 04/07/2014 23:33

Bloody hell there is no pleasing some people

perhaps a little more perspective is needed?

PrueDent · 04/07/2014 23:45

I get what you've saying, OP.

Several years ago dh and I looked at holidays and found one which really suited and which, if we booked for a specific date was reasonably priced. I asked for the time off (giving six month's notice) but was told that due to other's holidays and commitments I couldn't possibly have that fortnight.

So we booked the same holiday, several weeks later and a fair bit more expensive.

Fast forward five months, I'm given several weeks off - including the fortnight I'd requested but was refused!

Yes, I got a bonus holiday but I was very cross that it had resulted in us having to pay far more than initially planned, and it was time off when dh was working - so unable to do much with the time.

So I understand your frustration. Your dh's employers wouldn't let him have the time when you had the opportunity to do something with it, but have forced it on him when it isn't convenient to you as a family.

WoodliceCollection · 05/07/2014 00:16

Can see both sides of this. School holidays up there (I'm not any more, but they have been since pretty much forever) always start this kind of time, so there really wasn't a reason not to put in the request with 4 weeks notice instead of 3. But also, unless he's a very new partner and unrelated to your kids, he should know when the holidays are, so it shouldn't be a matter of you having to tell him, you should both be discussing holiday dates longer in advance if you're keen to get things in a budget. Not really either of yours fault though, but something to learn from next year.

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