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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school isnt a childminding service

207 replies

Xcountry · 04/07/2014 14:15

So many posts about schools closing half day for end of term and god forbid you have to be there for your child.
Teacher strikes so you have to be there for your child.
School holidays so you have to be there for your child.
Child was ill and got sent home so you have to be there for your child.

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks well yes your career is probably important but you chose to have your children and this comes as part and parcel of being a parent? A school is not a childminding service. Yes it can be a pain in the backside to juggle and work around but that is what happens when you have children, they impact on your professional life and your social life.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 04/07/2014 22:17

I think a lot has changed over the last 10 or so years in terms of parents expectations as well though.
I can see how all these things would be a nightmare for those who work, but when my dc were in school parents who worked didn't attend these events and weren't expected to.
What has changed? kids used to come into morning prize giving or assembly and you knew the ones who worked as they weren't there, nobody batted an eye lid. the sahp's were there and clapped for all dc. my friend used to ask me to support her dd if she had one a prize or certificate, to cheer at sports day. if you couldn't make parents evening you made an appointment at your convenience.
Do schools expect parents to be there, or do parents expect to be there.

Wickeddevil · 04/07/2014 22:18

What SGB said so well

OddFodd · 04/07/2014 22:29

Entirely agree with SGB. If you're a woman, your job is supposed to be flexible enough so you can do all those things (sports day, end of year ceremonies, assemblies etc) while also working so that you don't claim the shameful benefits. Some benefits (WTC/CTC) aren't shameful but IS/JSA and HB are.

I'm not sure how you're supposed to square that circle as a single parent as I can't think of many jobs that would have allowed me to have every single Wednesday afternoon off for the last month (as my DS's school has asked - goodness knows what happens if you've got several children) but I don't suppose the rich white men who make the rules really give a shit.

echt · 04/07/2014 22:30

You do know that most of the teachers have children and that they, too have to sort out childcare when their child's school has events at short notice, INSET days, early closing? Teachers get used to not being able see their children in assemblies, or not being able to go to the parents' evenings, because they're at one in their own school.

In all DD's schooling, I never experienced any of these last minute things, they were all notified well in advance. Nor have I ever known this happen in any of the eight schools I've taught in. Complain to the HT.

Of course if it's an academy school, you'll need good luck with that.

Helenagrace · 04/07/2014 22:30

It's the lack of planning that I also find annoying. I have the world's most flexible job - work from home, 22hours a week and my employers don't care when I work - I could work at 2am on Tuesday if I liked.

BUT I oversee a lot of projects. I need to talk to people at a distance so I book lots of calls. I have calls booked well into October. School seem to think they don't have to plan though. There's a leavers' service for my DD on 22nd July. It says "am" on the school website and notice sheet. How is that helpful? I still don't know which calls I need to rebook. School still can't tell me and seem to think that I exist to be at their beck and call. Just bloody plan like the rest of the world!!

Permanentlyexhausted · 04/07/2014 22:34

We got a letter about strike action today but just to say there is no indication as yet what sort of disruption it might cause. I have no annual leave left to take and even if I did, it would be refused since it would leave us too short-staffed. My job is already looking shaky. If I moan about the strike it's not because I'm being precious about my career, just that I'm truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

echt · 04/07/2014 22:35

Phone/email the head until you get a response, and express it exactly in the terms of planning snd professionalism.

echt · 04/07/2014 22:38

The reason they don't know the scale of the disruption is because they don't know which staff will take strike action and which ones will scab go to work.

Permanentlyexhausted · 04/07/2014 22:48

Oh, I know echt. I completely understand how it works but that doesn't make it easier for me. I'm not moaning about short notice in this case.

NatalieMc82 · 04/07/2014 22:50

Has OP been back at all?
Would also query the last line of the post re social life, what if anything does that have to do with the equation?
And morethanpotatoprints, yes things have either changed or you have lived in different areas to me. It is not considered (by the school) good parenting practise to not attend these events. I have also seen the disappointment on the faces of those children who's parents could not make it (albeit for very good reasons) and would imagine that the school's attitude (ie 'if mummy/daddy/granny loves you they'll come' implied) doesn't help..

forago · 04/07/2014 22:54

I work and have children. Consequently I now have to plan my life, and theirs, months and sometimes years in advance (completely against my natural instincts). I really don't see wtf schools (and in fact everybody else apart from students and retired people) shouldn't do the same.

WhitesandsofLuskentyre · 04/07/2014 23:01

I've typed and retyped my response to this three times. I am too angry about the strikes to actually formulate an argument. I will always be there for my child for illness etc., but industrial action is iniquitous when so many of us are still struggling in the recession. Now is the time to use my favourite northern phrase ever... "think on."

Original poster
Xcountry · 04/07/2014 23:04

I do have school age children, and toddlers and I do work but I gave up the full time job when I chose family. I chose a low paid job in agriculture that allows me to not require a lot of childcare and regardless of what my employer thinks in flexible I pick my kids up on half days, I plan for the holidays and juggle sickness/ other stuff that comes up. I'm not saying its not irritating but Some of the posts I have read recently here just seem so fucking entitled.

OP posts:
echt · 05/07/2014 00:04

Here's why they're coming out on strike, Whitesands

www.teachers.org.uk/files/action-faqs-july-2014-final.pdf

Not sure why this is iniquitous because of the struggles of others. No need for a race to the bottom. I think they've been very weak-kneed in calling action at a time of least effect. Single day's action is ineffective. A week in the run up Easter would be better.

Gothicnovella · 05/07/2014 00:10

But it is free childcare, of a sort. People expect it to be in place for particular hours, which they then have to adhere to, so understandably causes disruption when changes are made like those above. Not unreasonable to complain.

I would go a step further and say the school/education provider should have some alternative provision in place for days like this. They're still paid the same by the LA, per pupil, I'm guessing.

Sorry in advance. I don't use a state school, can't you tell Grin

JustAShopGirl · 05/07/2014 08:23

Sorry Xcountry - I do not see what is "entitled" about any of the responses. These are people women who need to work, who plan their lives around work and school just like you.

You have obviously have the luxury of being able to CHOOSE low paid more flexible work. Others do not have that luxury. Or should they not have had children? Because if we don't "give up the full time job" we can't choose to have a family?

Schools muck people about, it has a larger effect on those who work full time, we get pissed off, stuff should change, it doesn't, partly because some of those who have the luxury of choice seem to lack empathy with those who have no choice.

Deverethemuzzler · 05/07/2014 09:36
FraidyCat · 05/07/2014 09:51

This is what happens when you have a government mainly consisting of wealthy men. They are quite capable of holding two incompatible beliefs simultaneously - that 'parents' should not be excused from seeking and performing paid work, and that childcare is the responsibility of parents rather than the state.

There is a third option which eliminates the incompatibility: poor people shouldn't have children. (Not advocating that view, just being a pedant, sorry.)

Helenagrace · 05/07/2014 09:52

Xcountry how is it entitled to want some degree of planning from a school that enables me to support my child whilst also serving the needs of my service users?

ginnybag · 05/07/2014 10:04

I have a great deal of time for teachers but strike action isn't going to work. It doesn't actually impact anyone making the changes, or the people who would be heard by those, such as LEA's. It only impacts ordinary parents, and the impact and the inconvenience is such that it only generates negative feelings.

A week strike would absolutely kill any sympathy left and that would only give the government what they want.

Make it the responsibility of the LEA to make up the missing teaching - which it should be anyway - so that they have to find a way to keep the schools open during strikes, and then you'll have action worth taking that might achieve something

Original poster
Xcountry · 05/07/2014 12:04

Not at all, Just started the thread because I don't actually know anyone in real life who acts like some of the other threads I have read.
Like I said before yes it can be extremely irritating but I do often think that 'surely you knew this would happen before you had kids?'
I'm pushing 30 and the half days at the end of term was around since before I was at school, I live in rural Scotland so we got weeks off school for bad weather, none of the 2 foot stuff you see elsewhere and people have been striking since the dawn of the unions.

Again, I am not saying its a pain in the arse but It comes across like many people didn't realise this would happen before they started a family. There is some degree of planning from the schools, they give out notice of holidays and in service days but other things cannot really be planned for.

OP posts:
mimishimmi · 05/07/2014 12:12

I can understand parents being upset about short-notice events like strikes. I don't understand getting upset about holidays. Do people get upset about them?

Iswallowedawatermelon · 05/07/2014 12:14

Yabu

People are allowed to have a moan about these things Hmm

People need to work to live and good child care can be difficult to find and can also be expensive.

I am looking forward to my dc being at school as it will save a lot of money with regards to child care.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/07/2014 12:20

Yabu

People can winge if they want to

And I certainly didn't check school timetables before my husband and I started making babies

Bad Rufus...bad, bad Rufus!

oohdaddypig · 05/07/2014 12:27

xcountry so the gist of your post is that women who want to have a family and need to work should take a lower paid, flexible job.

Right......

How lucky this is an option for you. And damn women for wanting to earn a salary comparable to a man after having kids.. Lets overturn equality laws right now.