to wonder whether this was normal GP behaviour?

[BombDumbell]

A few years ago, when I was just finishing up breastfeeding, and had boobs like cantaloupes (and incredibly sore), I went to the GP about a lumpy bit.
He dealt with the concern (felt like a blocked something, which would go down as my milk dried up), but then went on to demonstrate fully how I would "check myself" in the future when the swelling had gone down. It hurt, and afterwards I realised it had been entirely unnecessary - it was not why I went. So - a an extra-dutiful GP or a bit weird and pervy? The memory still makes me wince a bit.

How is that pervy? Sounds helpful.

I'm glad you think so, Paloma.

It's just that I never asked for a demonstration (this was a demonstration "for the long term"), and I felt it could have waited till I was less sore and engorged. Also, he never really asked if I was OK with it, or whether I'd like a female in the room or anything. And TBH he just had a bit of a letchy feel to him. I hope I just over-thought it, though, and was being emotional and hormonal.

Why has it suddenly come back to you Bomb?

Sorry you feel this way, but I don't think being shown how to check for lumps is unnecessary as it could potentially save your life one day although I'm sure there are leaflets and online medical videos that could show you.

It just comes back to me periodically, Merry. Not something which causes enormous distress or anything, but sort of bothers me. I'm not really one to have things bother me, either!

Innermagic, I agree. It's just that it was really bad timing, and seemed somehow odd. Why did he have to show me when it hurt so much?
I'll probably be told this is irrelevant, but that stage I looked a bit "porny"(!) (massive norks, otherwise slim and young, etc.).

Also, he did it himself (rather than get me to - which I feel would have taught me more), even though he said there was absolutely no point at that time and that this was "for the future".

Anyway, as you all say, this was probably nothing. Thanks .

I had similar when pregnant - over 20 years ago. During my first gp appt he demonstrated how to "rock and roll" (ie. 'twiddle') my nipples to ready them for breast feeding. It seemed a little odd at the time but first pregnancy etc, I didn't know what was normal and what wasn't.

Sounds normal to me. Doctors have shown me the same way. Bit weird to describe your own body as porny!!

You went because you were concerned about a breast lump, he examined your breast and then showed you how to check for lumps properly. I don't see anything inappropriate about his actions at all. If he'd suddenly demanded you get your bra off so he could show you how to examine your breasts if you'd gone in with an ingrowing toe nail that would have been odd and inappropriate.

I think (giving him the benefit of the doubt) that:

• your pain COULD have been something other than engorgement or blocking so he was showing you how to check this
• rather than make an appointment to show you how to check, he was taking the opportunity and killing 2 birds with one stone (let's face it, you would never make an appointment to learn this).

I am assuming you were not naked? Was your top totally bare or just pulled up? I don't get the "porny" association really. I think in future, do ask for a female doctor/ nurse, if male doctors dealing with private areas, feels odd to you.

Of course, it COULD have been more sinister. Who knows? From your description, it sounds fine. I don't think a doctor would put his job on the line for some engorged, leaky boobs though.

at the ingrowing toenail!

Isn't it the professional thing to do, to ask a woman's consent before touching her, esp her boobs?! I would have been weirded out too. Just because it's a doctor doesn't mean he can touch you willy-nilly. Trust your instincts, if something feels weird it just might be.

Hmm, well I think what the GP showed you was relevant to what you went to see him about. You went in as you were concerned you had a lumpy boob. That was caused by breastfeeding but in future another lump could be more serious and you should be shown how to check for them. Seems sensible advice. Plus GPs see all sorts of women, big and small and I would hope that he would show an older, fatter woman also how to check for lumps.

It wouldn't really strike me as suspicious TBH. Yes, he could have waited until a later visit when your breasts were not sore but, in all likelihood, that would have ended up not happening unless you specifically reminded him.

Also, you were there about a possible breast lump. It doesn't seem unreasonable for a GP to want to show you how to check for lumps in the future under those circumstances. If you had been there with a painful knee etc. & he'd insisted on checking your breasts - that would be suspicious.

Thanks Merry.
FWIW I have never, ever had a problem with male health professionals in any other context (and I've had various gynae things, and other breast issues, too). There was just a weird vibe to this, so thought I'd see what people thought.

Re "porny": My body at that stage reminded me of the bodies of women I'd seen only in porn. Perhaps irrelevant, but I wouldn't say weird to notice.

Thanks LiDL and Yellow for understanding the discomfort.

Thanks all for the comments.

The weird vibe may have come from not feeling fully comfortable with your body (the huge boobs). Or it may have come from him. I think if it hurt you should have told him to stop.

I think perhaps I should have asked him to stop, too. I did tell him it really hurt, and he said it was important that I learned the technique, and carried on.

I think a simple 'Would you like me to show you how to check for lumps correctly?' Would have helped. I personally wouldn't have been comfortable with someone just doing it without checking first.
It's most likely a case of poor bedside manners rather than anything sinister, but regardless I can see why it would concern you OP.

Thank you Bean. Yes, I think that question would have helped a lot.

He definitely should have asked for permission before touching you, and the fact that you told him it hurt and he continued makes it sound abnormal/inappropriate to me.

It probably is quite reasonable for a GP to tell/show a patient how to examine their breasts, but only with consent and if the patient is comfortable.

I went about 18m ago with a lump, towards the end of breastfeeding. The (male) GP, who I trusted implicitly (and still would had he not retired since!), checked, said it was almost certainly a blocked duct, then told me I should check regularly, showed me how to, and after a chat about mastitis - of which I was well aware, having had it twice already at that stage - also said that if the swelling didn't resolve and continued after I'd finished breastfeeding, I should return and he'd refer for further investigation. At no point did I think there was anything dodgy. He did offer to get a nurse in the room before checking, but I'd have had to wait another 15 minutes and my baby was awake and hungry, so I told him just to get on with it! I also felt that it was a waste of surgery time to get a nurse in - I assumed when I booked the appt that the dr would have to look at and check my breast and I was asked if I was happy with a male dr or if I'd prefer to wait for an appt with a female one.

This may or may not help you. Sounds like standard procedure, but you obviously felt uncomfortable. I didn't. Also, I have a strong family history of breast cancer (mother and her two sisters, plus a cousin...) so I was quite happy to be told the difference between blocked ducts, potential abscesses and possibly cancerous lumps. Nothing lecherous at all and I didn't feel like a porn star, just a stressed mother with bloody painful boobs and a hard lump. If you were made to feel otherwise, maybe there was an issue.

It sounds pervy to me. I thought GPs usually bring a female nurse in for this kind of thing (to just stand there, as a sort of mutual protection thing against anything untoward happening or being alleged). I also would think he'd get you to do the manhandling bit yourself so that you learn how to examine yourself rather than learn to be examined. The biggest thing is how you feel about it though - if it felt a bit suspect to you to the extent that you still think about it now, then it probably was a bit suspect.