To thing someone making social plans with another, when you get along well with that person is insensitve and ill-timed

[Whatalife58]

I was at work helping a colleague with something. Along comes another person and says to the work colleague we are meeting so and so and so and so after work come along.

Yes it's really rude. Often during the school run I'm chatting to someone and then someone else comes along to ask them if they have a hangover from the night before, and what a laugh it was, etc etc so I get totally excluded. It's rude yes.

Similar happened to me this week. Colleagues discussing their plans for an evening... Shall we invite x along (another colleague). All in my earshot but nothing said to me.

I felt like piping up with That sounds like fun, can I join you? Except I wouldn't have been able to as DH working late so had to get back for the kids. Perhaps they knew I'd be unlikely to come and that's why I was left out.

Ah I'd probably brazen it out and say oo can I come? Even if I knew I couldn't make it... I coukd cancel later but at least I'd be on the radar by then!

I didn't really ex

I didn't really expect to be invited. I quite like the people concerned. But I felt uncomfortable and angry. I wouldn't make social arrangements with someone who was more than an acquaintance standing there .

Well, if they were my friends or were generally close to me and didn't invite me, i would feel a bit excluded, but if we weren't, I respect that my friends have right to have other social circles I don't belon to (just as I have mine) so it doesn't upset me when someone invites a friend but not me.

Difficult to say without knowing more about the dynamics.
Are these two people friends outside work? Do they do things together (have lunch together, go out shopping/for a coffee, visit each others houses?)
Are you friendly with first person (you say you are more than an acquaintance) to the extent that you do things that are not work related together?
How do you feel about person 2?
Do you want to become friendly with person 1? If so, why not invite them to do something with you?

They most probably do do things outside of work. I don't particularly want to be part of their sociaæ circle but I felt the situation I found myself in was awkward and as I said I felt uncomfortable. The person who initiated the social invitation is relatively new to the work place and is possibly insecure.

I think this is rude, and I would never do it.

So they are close friends? Their conversation is quite different given that piece of info.
In which case YABU and it sounds like you are the one feeling insecure,, not new colleague. If you don't want to socialise with them I can't understand why learning they have plans would upset you. What is there to feel awkward and uncomfortable about when you already know they socialise outside work? Tbh you sound very down on new person and maybe this comes across?

Yes it's rude. It's not that difficult to wait until the non-invitee is out of earshot, or make arrangements by email/some other time.
If you're talking to them when the social arrangements are made, it's common courtesy to ask you if you'd like to come along too, regardless of whether or not you want to.

Not down on new person, not particularly insecure. I don't think they are great friends and am happy for them if they are. I just thimk making social plans with a third party you are friend ly with, without imcluding that person is insensitive.

Yes, it's rude. And it's not about people having their own social lives which is, of course, perfectly fine and normal. It's about having a conversation which excludes someone and has the potential to make them feel all kinds of uncomfortable. It's just about manners, really.

A favourite (and deliberate) ploy displayed by both my dad's ' friends'. But they are 12 and 15. You'd think by the time people are older they'd have learned to be a little nicer. Yanbu.

I think it's rude too.

Lol that should be dd's not dad's.

Glad you clarified that one, Chicken!

You had me a bit worried there chicken!

Lol. My dad's 74 and he only goes anywhere with my mum

Yes it is rude. There is no need to discuss meet ups/what happened last night in the presence of those not included.

I often think it is done deliberately. To show others that you are close with so and so.

I have witnessed this many times, especially in the workplace. I pretend I cannot hear and get on with my work.

Throwachicken This happened to me by 'friends' at secondary school. They had sleepovers and went to one another's homes for tea and discussed it at school. I sat there feeling embarrassed. I assume they wanted me to react but I didn't.

FB is another way of people feeling excluded when they see photos of meet ups they were not invited to. I have hidden people for this very reason.

It's very rude IMO.

If deliberate v childish, but not sure it was deliberate to exclude you here, just thoughtless.

With other mums particularly I take care not to make social arrangements if I don't plan to invite everyone present. Just good manners.

At work people do do this re lunch sometimes which I suppose is understandable as that can't wait til a better moment.

It's never occurred to me to mind...

I do walk round in a little world of my own though

Rude.