To pull my DC from nursery? To keep them there? I dont know!

[DenyDenyDeny]

Ive name changed, and will have to alter somethings apart from the main issue to keep the nursery anonymous, Im not here to bitch about my childs nursery - I genuinely need to know who or what is unreasonable. And what the fuck I should do.

My child 2 years 10 months has severe allergies to dairy, egg and banana.

DC was supposed to start nursery in April, but the day we arrived, the manager told me their epipen training had run out and they had to be re-trained.

So DC didnt start until June.

DC has been there for a few weeks, and absolutely loves it. Has a best friend and loves being there.

Today I picked DC up and there was hives on the jaw line and chin. I asked the manager who said "Oh yeah I noticed scratching earlier" she hadnt given pririton, despite me having written it clearly in the 'plan', that hives and itching always need medicating. Antihistamine can make the difference between needing adrenalin or not.

I saw the other kids had cheese for snack and I said 'the kids wash their hands after though dont they?'

She said "No that would take forever! We already cant go on the field because of him!"

I -passive aggressively admittedly- said 'I hope it doesnt kill him then' and she laughed and said I doubt it.

I was dramatic yes, but it was in response to her field retort. However,if cheese touches his lips or mouth there is a massive risk of anaphylaxis.

(He recently rolled in some grass and was covered head to toe in hives, I told her and she just said 'we wont go on the field then', I was going to suggest she just gave me warning to I could dress him in long sleeves and trousers those days).

I fucked up big time and put it on facebook. Stupid bastard facebook Im such a stupid idiot. Why the hell didnt I think that through? I never mentioned names or the nursery name but I put it up all the same - because Im a twat who clearly types before she thinks.

She gets told (I know who it was- like I said, Im stupid) and she calls me in.

She denies EVERYTHING. She re-worded everything of what she said (which changed twice in the 5 minutes I was in the office). She said she never said those words and that she never laughed.

She fucking knows she did, she handled it badly, (I too handled it badly by asking for advice in facebook) but there are no witnesses and she denied it. Course she would!

I cant trust her at all, she lied, denied, resented my son "we cant go on the field because of him" and put him at risk.

But my son loves it there. Absolutely loves it.

Should I just risk it, and get over the fact that she denied our real conversation? Shall I deal with the hives and just hope and pray it never reaches his lips?

No other nursery near by has anymore experience with allergies than this one (this one has quite a lot of experience) and Id be starting from scratch with epipen training.

Ok, Im totally preparing for flaming, Ive cried my eyes out all afternoon, I think I can handle a bit more!

Is it a nursery for childcare or for socialising? You cannot trust this woman, so you need to rethink your childcare.

I don't see how you can leave your dc with someone you clearly don't trust to keep him safe and be honest. If they are that experienced with allergies then they shouldn't treat it so lightly .

Hello, is he in nursery for fun or because you work? Would a child minder be better?

It isn't about how much he enjoys it. It's about risk. You can keep in touch with his friend easily enough and move on.

I'd research childminders tbh.

Your child will probably equally love another nursery that respects your son's medical needs.

Move him.

It was supposed to be childcare whilst I worked but it was so late in the academic year that he started, that I wasnt able to begin the job that was lined up.

Therefore its for socialising but come september it will be childcare.

He only goes for a couple of hours, he will be doing 4 mornings in september, 5 by Christmas.

Huge sympathies OP. My gut is to tell you to get your dc's out if there sooner rather than later. Someone who has so little regard for the safety of a child in their care shouldn't be allowed to work in her job. If feel uncomfortable leaving them with someone so willing to rewrite history and cover her arse. Have you thought of looking for a childminder rather than a nursery? There might be more of caring attitude in a more one to one environment.

Oh dear! The thing is up until the fbook rant you were completely in the right! She is acting in a negilgent, cavalier way with your son's health and that is totally unacceptable. How odd that she acts this way when she has had experience of working with children with allergies! That's terrible!

I'm sorry to say but I think the trust has gone from the relationship between yourself and the nursery manager. You either need to really sit down and talk this through with her to ensure that she gets how serious it is or you need to leave. You can't just leave it.

Move him somewhere with more respect for his allergies. But is probably always send him in in long sleeves - get some nice light trousers and long sleeve tops so that they can go in the field.

Move him, they have such a blase attitude to a serious condition. If they had apologised and looked into where they went wrong fair enough, but they laughed it off.

I would be looking at other nurseries or a Childminder and not send him back.

I would also complain to ofsted, it's not acceptable and needs investigating.

If my child had severe allergies to the point that they may need epipen then I would not leave them with anyone (family included) that did not properly understand and take seriously the severity of the condition.

I would ask for another meeting - apologise for the Facebook incident and ask what she can do to ensure your child is not exposed to triggering incidents while they are at nursery. Kids should be washing their hands before eating so surely they need to wash after eating too to ensure that food/germs are not spread all over toys?

Not going to get on your case you are doing that enough to yourself. You really can't leave your child with someone you don't trust as it will do your head in and possibly lead you to do other things that you might regret. Find other nursery and start being a bit kinder to yourself

Er yes I would be moving him to another nursery or childminder ASAP. They are not providing the correct level of care based on his allergies and facebook rant or not, I would be considering raising that issue alone with ofsted

Was the FB incident you asking your family and friends for their opinions or was it a 'FFS GUESS WHAT THE FUCKING NURSERY HAVE DONE NOW?"?" type message? Because that sort of changes how you need to approach a follow up meeting lol.

My son also has a severe allergy and I've never encountered any issues at nursery. ALL staff should be trained to use an epipen - I thought that was standard. They (and we) don't give piriton with hives unless they persist as usually they are urticaria but I'm sure if I told nursery to then they would. If you don't trust this woman then you need to move your child - allergies shouldn't be taken in such a blaze attitude - especially dairy which is presumably in most of the things other children eat?!

And actually - my son's nursery absolutely makes them wipe or wash their hands when they eaten. Again, pretty standard I would have thought?

Move him. You say other local nurseries have less experience with allergies but that could work to your advantage as you can help write the rule book, rather than them just doing things the way they always have. I wonder if this nurseries experience is with less severe allergies & they don't truly understand the danger they've placed him in. Just the lack of medication for hives would be enough for me without anything else.

Move him. You need him somewhere who'll take his needs seriously.

how did it get back to the nursery (what you'd posted on Facebook)?

If this happened to me I'd move my dc, because the manager has clearly shown she doesn't understand the need for rigorous precautions. You have to be able to trust your dc's carer.

Move him. Although it was many years ago, my son had severe allergies, which would result in seizures if he came into contact with allergens (citrus fruit, dairy, wheat etc).

The nursery were astounding - bearing in mind he went there for 18 months, only once he got hold of a child's fresh orange, and to be fair it was in the same cup as his!

The levels of hygiene they maintained to prevent cross-contamination was brilliant. It must have taken lots of hard work, but they never complained and even looked into stuff everyone could make for baking sessions etc which would be safe for my son.

I would have been fuming had I received the 'service' you have from this nursery - and the complete lack of concern of the seriousness of the hives, not administering medication and flippant attitude after this would make me take my child out of this nursery.

Ive just been looking online at the nurseries a little 'further afield' and more expensive but Im willing to do so and pay more if it means he can have fun and I can relax at work and not leap everytime my phone beeps.

Id so, so trusted this nursery. Id really liked having a few occasions just to be alone, thinking he was well looked after.

I think he was well looked after, but there a issues that have arisen that just cant be ignored.

WeeBlueBerry no, it wasnt quite that bad!

Although I did say 'what the fuck?!' At the bottom.

I was asking for advice when it comes down to it, which people tried to give, before I had to delete it.

Move him. It's sad for him but better than something horrible happening. They aren't even managing to follow your basic advice (the piriton) so what would happen if something major went on.

Racheal you have really, really highlighted to me what my DC's needs are and that it isnt impossible.

You are all right, I know you are. I just hope he loves the next nursery as much as that one. The 'best friend' was going up in september anyway so they only had a few more weeks together. Perhaps I should get the mums number.

so one of your Facebook friends told the nursery what you'd posted on Facebook?

You know, I don't think you should worry about what you said on Facebook.

They are being insanely cavalier with your son's health - and life - and I'd pull him out of there so fast they wouldn't know what had hit them. And report them to Ofsted.

What are they thinking? She, in particular, sounds horrible, resenting a small child who has health issues, and should rethink her career.

I'd move him.

My daughter has a fairly severe dairy allergy, and I would need to know it was being taken seriously. We have a good nursery who work with us.

For your own peace of mind, I'd move him. Friendships at that age are so flexible too that a "best friend" at this age is really not the same as one when he is older.