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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I will have to just please myself?

46 replies

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 11:10

Sorry it's wedding related. DH and I are getting married.

We;re also emigrating to his country (Oz) in 2016.

I want to get married over there on the beach. My sister has just said it's out of order as none of my own family can come if I do that.

I feel sad now. I feel that DH has lived here in the UK for 12 years now and his family have had the loss of him and our children all that time...they should get to enjoy our wedding over there...also DH has a lot a good friends who will want to come whereas over here in the UK I don't have many people I'd ask at all....DHs friends are mine too...and I have a very, very special friend over there who is going to come too.

I want to get married in Oz.

My Mum has seen three of my siblings get married with big weddings and MIL has not seen one of her two children get married. My SIL won't marry....she's 45 and a lesbian and has just split up from her long term girlfriend...theres always a chance she might meet someone else but it's not on the cards really.

I could just about pay for my Mum to come over to see us get married but not any of my siblings...I didn't think they'd care this much.

Only my older sister has moaned about it....now I'm worried that I'm being selfish.

OP posts:

SarcyMare · 03/07/2014 11:15

if you are moving to your OH country his family will soon see lots of you, so that is really a false argument there is no need to make up the time to them, with a wedding, just lots of visits once you are there.

Could his family afford to get to where you currently live for the wedding?
or is it really the wedding on the beach you want?

MelanieCheeks · 03/07/2014 11:16

Have your wedding where you like.

Can they "view" it by skype or somesuch? Will you have a big get-toghther as a family afterwards (even 3-4 weeks later?)

SarcyMare · 03/07/2014 11:16

one couple i knew got married in the middle between uk and japan so everyone was put out, that seemed fair.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 11:18

Sarcy no they couldn't afford it....

Melanie how can we have a big get together when we're on the other side of the world?

Sarcy that would cost us more than we can afford...accomodation etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 11:19

I feel that a wedding in the UK will be just for my family. I only have about 3 friends here...that's all I'd ask. So there'd be about 20 people including my 3 friends....and I'd only be doing it for my sister really.

OP posts:

DefiniteMaybe · 03/07/2014 11:22

Get married where you want to get married. You can get your mum there and if any siblings really want to be there, they will get themselves there.
I think as a previous poster suggested, having skype set up so that people in the uk can watch your wedding live is an excellent compromise.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 11:24

I feel so torn now and sad too. Why did I have to fall in love with a bloody Aussie!?

I could get a very small wedding together in the UK....maybe a registery office and then a meal out for my close family and my three mates...but that feels like I'm just doing it for my sister! I haven't really dscussed it with Mum yet.

OP posts:

iggy155 · 03/07/2014 11:24

Get married where you like. Sounds like sour grapes on your sibling's part. Getting married on a beach in the sunshine sounds awesome!

FourAndDone · 03/07/2014 11:27

Please do whatever YOU want! If you marry in the uk to please your sister you will resent her forever and look back and regret it all. It is your wedding remember.

SquigglySquid · 03/07/2014 11:27

Life's too short. Get married where you want. You're marrying him, not his family and not your family.

MaxPepsi · 03/07/2014 11:28

Get married here, in a registry office before you go.

Have your wedding blessed, on a beach, when you get to Oz.

MelanieCheeks · 03/07/2014 11:31

Sorry, I'm confused about the dates. You said you're moving to Oz in 2016. When's the wedding?

Runesigil · 03/07/2014 11:47

Have a ceremony here for your family and another when you get to Oz for your new family.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 12:02

Melanie when we get to Oz was the plan! I have to get married either before or within 6 months of arrival.

I don't think I want a ceremony here...it's not "the" wedding in Oz then is it? I want to get married and be done with it.

OP posts:

CaffeinatedKitten · 03/07/2014 13:07

Do as you want. Your sister is being selfish and needs to realise she lives her life and you live yours. She has two years to save, so if she feels she needs to be there she can make the effort. Enjoy making plans:)

DoJo · 03/07/2014 13:15

Don't arrange a wedding you don't want because your sister's moaning. You sound like you have thought of all the pros and cons and made a decision that you and your husband to be are happy with, and FWIW I think you have chosen fairly. If your sister is desperate to come, then you can work on making it as cheap and easy (putting her up when out there, giving her enough notice to book cheapest flights, making arrangements to accommodate her etc) but you shouldn't make your big day about her.

CoffeeTea103 · 03/07/2014 13:19

I like maxipepsi idea. It's your wedding and I think the reasons you gave are good enough.

scortja · 03/07/2014 13:19

Why won't your SIL meet anyone else?! She's only 45 - don't write the poor woman off just yet!

Standinginline · 03/07/2014 13:21

Do you think it's affecting your sibling(s) so much because you offered to pay for you mum but not them ? I mean they would probably love a free holiday to Austrailia and you said yourself you didn't think it would affect them this much ...

MissMooMoo · 03/07/2014 13:22

do it where ever you want!
dp and I are getting married in the UK, I am not from here, I am from a country half way round the world away.
tough shit for people who dont like it.

HowsTheSerenity · 03/07/2014 13:27

Get legally married in the UK.
Then.....when you move to Australia (where by the way, im nosy) you could renew your vows and the big fabulous wedding. Beach ceremony, fabulous reception etc.

Original poster

MrsWinnibago · 03/07/2014 13:32

Scortia I didn't really want to go into details but she has mental health issues. :(

I feel for my MIL who'se never had the pleasure of a big wedding for her dc....not one...and my Mum, I'm predicting won't care really...she'll just want me to be happy.

Hows I just don't want two "special days" I want one. I want a wedding that's the "proper" thing. I can't help it...I know it's a bit silly/precious but I've never liked all the blessings and extra days people have. I think it's one day...a wedding...and that's that.

OP posts:

TalcumPowder · 03/07/2014 13:32

Do exactly what you want. We did, and that was two witnesses off the street and jeans. Mass familial horror afterwards, but there's a limit to what I'm prepared to do so that my MiL can wear a big hat.

HowsTheSerenity · 03/07/2014 13:36

I can understand that. How about a engagement party in the UK then the true wedding in Australia. You only have one wedding then. Put all the planning into that.

NynaevesSister · 03/07/2014 13:39

Talk to your mum and see how she feels. She is the only person whose feelings you need to consider here.

Then have the wedding YOU want. And ignore everyone else.

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