to think things aren't actually THAT bad!

[siamesekittensatplay]

I know people mean to be kind, but I am pregnant at the moment. The baby's father is not on the scene. We met at Christmas, and evidently I misjudged my dates. I'm 33 nearly 34 so I'm not a feckless teen, but accidents happen.

I didn't want to terminate the pregnancy.

I weighed things up and realised I had a very well paid job, a lovely home and a lot to offer the child so I went ahead with the pregnancy.

However, I'm being treated like a combination of a pauper - I don't mind this too much as it is so kindly meant I can't get cross about it. But I get tutted at by the midwife, which does upset me as most of the midwives are lovely but she keeps asking if I have support from my family, and I don't, as they are all dead , then tuts when I say this but disapprovingly rather than sympathetically!

Even the kind ones keep saying that do I know it will be really hard, I can't put the baby back now, can I!?

I'm trying to get excited about my arrival to be as I might not be married but I want this baby and I want to be like any other excited Mum but I feel discouraged and upset.

Has anyone else done it completely alone?

Congratulations :o
it will be really hard but then it aleays is
you sound like you'll be a brilliant mum

Let them speak. You can be more alone with a partner. You'll be fine.

Congratulations.

Thanks - I think if brilliant mum means 2.4 normality then probably not, but if you mean the child will be totally loved, clean, warm, fed and dressed then yes I think I will be!

How horrible- are we still living in an era where unmarried women are looked down upon? No, and it's none of their bloody business either! Just ignore them, you sound lovely and like you'll be a fab mum.

Oh and congrats :)

You can be more alone with a partner.

Yes, this. I can't believe people are being so rude to you. HCPs in particular. Disgraceful. Congratulations and please don't allow these people to dampen your excitement.

Thank you :) and I LOVE your username!

I'm probably being sensitive, it's just after the twentieth conversation of, "no partner ? No. No mum ? No. No family? No. None at all? (Disbelieving, horrified) No."

"It'll be hard!"

I always feel like shrieking "I know!" in true Kevin the teenager style

I was pretty depressed in tri 1 but at about 13/14 weeks something shifted and I felt blooming marvellous!

you will be fine.
it will be tough, but that's the case with babies, support or not.
good luck!

Yes, you can do it. My sister found out she was pregnant a matter of days before our father passed away. She had also recently split from her partner.

We do not live close by & have never really been all that close TBH (although we are getting more so as we get older).

She was also 34, and although the pregnancy was unplanned, she had no doubt that she wanted to have the baby. She has a great job too - but although it is very well paid it is also long hours. DSis returned to work when her DD was 6 months old, using a combination of a nursery and a childminder to cover childcare.

Certainly, she was told she was being selfish and accused of not putting her baby first - to which her reply was always "I absolutely do have my DD's best interests at heart. I just think it is in her best interests that I can pay the mortgage and buy her food & clothes."

DN is now 10 and a very happy, healthy, well adjusted child. I'm sure it isn't/hasn't been easy, but it is possible and I know for sure (because she told me) that my sister doesn't regret her choices for a minute.

Congratulations & good luck .

OP congratulations!

I have had 2 pregnancies and what they have taught me is that there is no 'one size fits all' and no 'perfect' scenario in which to have a baby.

First pregnancy i was a teenager and separated from boyfriend- i felt very guilty and felt i couldnt enjoy my pregnancy as i shouldnt have been pregnant sondidnt deserve to be happy about it. Well my ds brought me so much joy and i was never happier than when he was small, just him and I getting on with our lives. It was brilliant.

Second pregnancy i was with EXP but pregnancy unplanned and parents werent happy- agains i felt i couldnt enjoy it as it wasnt planned and i had let my family down again. It sent me into a depression that almost 6 years later i am still not completely free from.

I have decided that any other pregnancies i have i will make my mind up to enjoy them and get excited and sod anyone who has an opinion about it.

It's your life and family OP- dismiss tutty advice and sneery attitudes. They wont be there with you and your baby. Just you roll your eyes at them and go on enjoying it. It really is a lovely time.

Oh, and just to add - even though I did have some family about when my DCs were born (DH & ILs) - I can't say they actually helped much! The ILs are absolutely lovely and would visit often for tea, cake & a cuddle with the baby - but did not actually help with childcare.

I did it myself after finding out I was pg at age 35. I had the baby when I was 36.
It was the hardest thing I've ever d

Oops. Pressed send too quickly.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done. No one commented on my lack of partner but I was very conscious of it myself.

My ex came back on the scene when dd was 6 months old and he now sees her every week.

Congratulations and good luck!

I suppose I'm not really bothered by the lack of partner, so it surprises me others are.

I found it easier without a partner tbh.

Op- I think you are being a little naïve.Children are easy enough to look after when they are still in your belly!! These women are speaking from their experience as mothers.Are you sure you are interpreting the midwifes 'tuts' correctly.I find it hard to believe she is disapproving of you for having dead relatives?

Congratulations! Ignore, and enjoy your baby when hr/she arrives!

I'd start telling people you used a sperm donor

I'd start telling people you used a sperm donor

No,no,no! Tell them it was a one night shag-a-thon with a Spanish model named Raul and you broke his heart and left him to forever mourn the fact you were just that far out of his league

YANBU. My daughter was conceived in less than ideal circumstances and I got a pretty shit response from a few people (including a long and emotive letter from a family friend asking me to really consider what I was doing ).

Tbh, I think once you've made the decision to continue the pregnancy, then people being anything but happy for you is just plain rude! You've made your decision, you're a grown up, yes it's going to be hard but people putting a downer on the whole thing are not helping are they?

Goid luck. You'll be fine.

So no support from the father at all? That does seem a shame, but you'll be fine

I'm very surprised by the HCP's reactions, part of their job is to support women, especially whom they feel are 'vulnerable' without support networks of their own, not judge them. Have they recommended any groups or classes, or been helpful at all?

Congratulations. DS4 was born with a cleft lip and palate and I got a lot of negative reactions from HCP's when he was tiny. The HV used to come round, shake her head pityingly and say "well you do have a lot on your plate, don't you?" Drove me round the bend!

Don't listen to them! I feel less alone as a single parent. It was much harder when I had my DDs Dad about!

Congratulations! You most certainly should be enjoying your pregnancy and looking forward to becoming a mum. If people comment say something like "Thanks for your concern but I am well prepared for the baby" or "Please keep your opinions to yourself if you can't be positive" depending on whether you think they meant well or not.

Do you have friends who can provide support? It may be worth saying this to head people off if you do.

Sort of, Ghoul

I've got some lovely, lovely friends, BUT you can never, ever be quite as demanding of friends as you can with your own family!

Six yes, that's just what I mean; right there! Disapproving, find it difficult to believe I'm not a slut the father went back to Portugal, faintly disapproving.

The midwife evidently doesn't disapprove of me for having dead relatives but for being "naive" enough to have a baby alone.

He or she is due in October, I can't put him back now!

OP is there anything that you think you might struggle with or need support with? It might help you to have 'solutions' prepared for those disapproving comments. And also help you feel more prepared and relaxed yourself.

Congratulations! I don't think it's as hard as its made out to be! I left my baby's dad when I was four months pregnant and I'm doing it on my own. I love it its fun. I'm a bit younger than you but was only working as a waitress. financially you'll be better off so that's one step head already and one less thing to worry about!