to think things aren't actually THAT bad!

[siamesekittensatplay]

I know people mean to be kind, but I am pregnant at the moment. The baby's father is not on the scene. We met at Christmas, and evidently I misjudged my dates. I'm 33 nearly 34 so I'm not a feckless teen, but accidents happen.

I didn't want to terminate the pregnancy.

I weighed things up and realised I had a very well paid job, a lovely home and a lot to offer the child so I went ahead with the pregnancy.

However, I'm being treated like a combination of a pauper - I don't mind this too much as it is so kindly meant I can't get cross about it. But I get tutted at by the midwife, which does upset me as most of the midwives are lovely but she keeps asking if I have support from my family, and I don't, as they are all dead , then tuts when I say this but disapprovingly rather than sympathetically!

Even the kind ones keep saying that do I know it will be really hard, I can't put the baby back now, can I!?

I'm trying to get excited about my arrival to be as I might not be married but I want this baby and I want to be like any other excited Mum but I feel discouraged and upset.

Has anyone else done it completely alone?

sixlittleblighters I find it hard to believe she is disapproving of you for having dead relatives?

I find it very easy to believe. I've been condescended, disapproved of and looked down upon for having dead parents, and told it means I must be damaged, held me back, etc. and I'm not pregnant nor a single mother! And they died when I was an adult!

OP - its shocking when you discover how old fashioned society really is, and that there are people out there who would like to stigmatise perfectly capable people. Goodness knows how slightly less capable people must feel, and no wonder so many of them give up working, etc..

I tend to speak rather sharply to people like that, and tell them not to be ridiculous.

Op you can be surrounded by family and still struggle or you can be gloriously and totally In charge and soar through the early weeks.

Sometimes there is too much help, constant visitors can be a complete pain up the arse.

Tell the midwives to butt out. How rude.

You will be fine.

I was single and secretly very excited but on the surface I had to be suitably regretful.

I love my life with just me and ds.

Congratulations.

Oh and when or if you'll find it hard, 'cause you might it is in the nature of babies, remember: it would have been hard anyway.

Only advice is: ask or get as much help as possible/you need. Do not feel bad nor guilty.

So chuffed for you.

Congrats OP.

I hate it when people assume because you have a partner. That is not always the case. It is lazy tick boxing.
Yes I am married but has he done a day feed let alone a night feed? No. I can count on one hand how many nappy changes he has done - that is two children. Ffs he was too tired to stay with me in the hospital while I gave birth. A partner means nothing sometimes but a person who is supportive means everything.

So forget relatives and partners - who have you got to support you. Even if it is someone who you can text and say can you pick me up a pint of milk on the way home?

Bollocks to them. I spent part of yesterday in the park with a lovely young woman I know. When she got pregnant, she lost her job, had nowhere to live, useless family and friends abandoned her. The father was off the scene. Know what? Now the baby and her are happy, healthy, housed and doing fabulously. She has a lovely partner, back at school, the father has healthy contact with the baby. It was hard, she was up to it. I'm ABSOLUTELY SURE you are too.

And, it's a baby. A soft, delicious, baby. My ovaries hurt. Stupid DH not wanting another

DH and I are together, but we have zero support from anyone else either.

It's not easy op, but doable.

I know our circumstances aren't the same but I also got the head tilt when I was asked about my parents.

It really upset me.

DF was dead and DM dying and finally did die when dd was just short of 8 months.

You will be able to do it.

And congrats

It's a roller coaster but so, so amazing and 100% worth it

You'll be fine OP, just look at them puzzlingly next time they say it.

Just one thing, that bit you said about a loved child being clean... it is not true. They are never clean.

When pregnant I went to that NHS class for parents to be in a hospital. I didn't think anything of it. The midwife was checking the list, asked about my partner, I said I had none and she cried out oh no, poor you! Well, then I felt conscious and embarrassed. Thanks!

Congratulations!

However, as you say, you don't like being judged, neither do teenage mums. Those of us who are teens with unplanned pregnancies/babies aren't feckless either, you know

misses point of the thread entirely

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don't let the bastards grind you down!

Hello, I was in a such a similar situation and thinking back I can't believe the front of some people and how personal the questions were! I'm annoyed with myself I gave out full details to colleagues when it had sod all to do with them.

My advice would be. Fuck em! You have nothing to be ashamed of so next time you get the sad eyes tell them u don't need any sympathy, you knew exactly what it meant to keep it and made that decision with your eyes open.

Yes it's hard being a single parent (especially from the word go) but I can honestly say I've never once regretted my decision. I am actually proud of myself for it and you should be too!

Enjoy every moment - you never have to share any of them!

That's very true, koala :) Very true, and I apologise and retract that statement.

Thank you for the support everyone else.

That does sound rather tedious, tiring and really infuriating. What they are really asking is do you have a support network, as you never know how difficult or easy you will find it. IME i met so many people on the baby circuit that my pre baby network was pretty irrelevant. And from reading lots on mn there are many many women who have a dp who doesnt help, and even adds to the workload. Another thing to bear in mind is that you can often throw money at a problem to make it go away. Cleaner, internet food shopping, doulas - the list goes on. I think if you are super organised now and get evrrything you need and look up available baby groups etc then it might ease their professional concerns. You shouldnt have to of course, and they should be more careful with their choice of words and body language. Is it worth a letter to someone?

Going by the Relationships boards, I'd say it sounds like a positive advantage not to have a husband stinking up the place and making more work for you.

You need to get used to others sometimes unasked for opinions about your body/parenting style/children. It is usually their process that is talking not yours.

Congrats OP There are many women in far worse situations than you who manage fine so the bitchy midwife can keep her tuts to herself.

No need to apologise - it was intended light-heartedly, but re-reading it now I came across as a bitch!