to leave sixteen year old

[groupiedoo]

Aibu to make sixteen year old son babysit his nine year old sister and twelve year old brother for two days a week while I work.I should add I won't be paying him .he refuses to get a job for the holidays and my job is voluntary

Do you trust him?

He does tend to fight with them a bit and wind them up! Eighteen year old son will also be here home from uni but doesn't tend to surface much before lunch

Twenty year old will be here lol I can't even remember their ages! !!!!!

If he refuses to get a job, what is he planning to do for money? Presumably he will want to see friends sometimes?

Why aren't you treating the babysitting as a job? If you just make him do it I guarantee it won't be successful.

YABU if he fights with them and winds them up

You have chosen to work without pay, not sure you are instilling the right work ethos in him by forcing him to do the same as you. Why not pay him?

Why do you not expect more from your 20 year old?

I think making him do it, without pay, especially when he has older siblings who aren't being made to do anything, would make him very resentful, even if he's chosen not to work. You don't want him taking it out on the little ones or bunking off - if he has to do it the needs to be responsible. One day would be fine, but 2 days a week repeatedly is a lot. I would think you should either share it equally between all three older children, if they aren't working, or pay a small amount of money to whichever one does it.

If you have two older kids why won't they be able to do it? Are they working themselves or something? Aside from that if he fights with them and you do not intend to pay him then I wouldn't do it. If you force him into it there are likely to be issues as he won't want to do it.

My DS1(15) sometimes looks after DS2(4) and DS3(2) for a few hours but they usually get on really well anyway and I do pay him for it. Consequently as he is getting paid he treats it like a job and usually does a really good job of it.

If you are annoyed about him not working then refuse to give him money to do anything until he at least starts looking for work - If he has no money to do anything then he will probably start looking for a job.

How easy is it to get a holiday job in your area?

At 9 & 12 I would consider it. But pay him something (or reward him with some other privilege) & he's to be around the whole time & available if they need anything, they're to check in with him if they want to go out when they return, etc. Otherwise they can mostly ignore each other.

I have no experience of teenagers except having been one myself, but I would be reluctant to pay him for doing something needed to keep the family ticking over- helping at home whether cleaning or cooking or looking after the younger ones is something i would like us to teach our children to do without pay. I appreciate that doing it regularly two days a week might be a bit much though.

Sephy

I would agree for one-off baby-sitting, but not for something as regular and restricting.

YABU there are three dc there they could work out a rota between them, it seems very unfair to load it all on ds.

YABVU. You are coming across as pretty unpleasant, self-righteous and tight with money. Is your 'voluntary work' for one of those pissy interfering charities that do more harm than good, by any chance?

What you propose is unfair to all three younger children - you intend to use your 16 year old as an unpaid childminder, which is exploitative, and it's not going to be much fun for the younger two when their older brother tends to torment them anyway.

If this is some sort of attempt to 'give him a work ethic' a much better way to do that would be to pay him.

Your younger children will not thank you in years to come for leaving them with a surly 16 year old who fights with them and winds them up. If he doesn't want to do this then he will take his resentment out on them.

You are leaving them at his mercy for hours and why? For a voluntary job?

at best YABU and at worse negligent and selfish.

I used to have to look after my siblings when I was about 14/15. I hated it, I never got paid and was always missing out on plans with my friends because I was always babysitting. If my mum had been working and needed me to babysit so she could earn some money then I would not have minded. But she didn't.

I think YABU.

So hang on, you spend your time working for free (so I assume you are ok for money). You plan to let your children spend the summer holiday looking after each-other at home, so you can continue being away from them not earning money? It is not like you have to work to put food on the table, and this is the summer holiday you plan for your kids?

It does say that charity begins in the home, but FGS.

Yes, yabu you should pay him.

I don't think your job being voluntary is either here nor there tbh. Would I expect a 16 year old to help out at home? Yes of course. Would I pay them, yes of course.

I was babysitting for neighbours' kids over night at 14.

I don't think it's right to make an older sibling be responsible for their younger siblings on a regular basis for prolonged amounts of time.

Why should he do it for free??

If you would pay someone else to do it then you should pay him.

He doesn't sound mature enough if he fights them and winds them up and why should 20 year old not surface until afternoon, unless he works at nights.
Sometimes delightful young people who are extremely responsible with other people's children aren't as good with their siblings-or perhaps its the siblings who won't co-operate with them as they would for another teenager.
I think you could be asking for trouble and he would do better with a different summer job if he can find one.