Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave sixteen year old

45 replies

groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 09:29

Aibu to make sixteen year old son babysit his nine year old sister and twelve year old brother for two days a week while I work.I should add I won't be paying him .he refuses to get a job for the holidays and my job is voluntary

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/07/2014 12:57

Is he between school and college then?

Yabu to force him to do it, ask him and ask the other child to help out but no you shouldn't force them to help especially not when your working voluntarily,

Andrewofgg · 02/07/2014 13:21

Make 20 surface in time to do his share. TNS.

CointreauVersial · 02/07/2014 13:26

What amicissimma said. Maybe the smallest token payment, but really this is the sort of thing he should be doing as part of his contribution to the family. DS runs the hoover round sometimes but I wouldn't pay him for being my cleaner.

AllDirections · 02/07/2014 13:38

I don't think it's right to make an older sibling be responsible for their younger siblings on a regular basis for prolonged amounts of time.

This

My 17 year old looks after the younger two sometimes but usually just the youngest one. The odd few hours here and there is all part and parcel of family life but 2 days a week is excessive and probably won't work well anyway by the sounds of it.

Is it a problem if he doesn't get a job? He is only 16.

bonkersLFDT20 · 02/07/2014 14:04

Our 15 YO will babysit his 5 YO brother. If it's when DS2 is in bed already and DS1 has no plans then we view it as just part of being a family.

If it involves putting DS2 to bed or if it's during the day when it might impose on other things he might want to do then we pay him.

We try not to do it too often as I feel it may change their relationship. While there is a large age gap, they are still brothers and I don't want the little one to only have memories of his old brother being responsible for him. It's a balance of course.

bonkersLFDT20 · 02/07/2014 14:06

...by responsible in this sense I mean having to take charge of him and act like a parent. We of course expect him to look out for his younger brother like a mature 15 year old.

Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 14:43

I have decided to the afternoon shift at my job which certainly isn't pissy' or'doing more harm than good' it's for two hours twice a week and I will leave my oldest in charge, the reason I am doing the voluntary work is because I have a very high chance of getting a paid position with the organisation when one comes up, it would-be much better paid than anything I could get just now so I am looking at the bigger picture
Thank you for the polite replies

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/07/2014 14:47

YANBU

I left my 9 year old the other day with his 12 year old cousin, who basically stays at home by himself while my Sis works (she goes home for lunch).

I'm sure you could leave those two alone for a couple of hours twice weekly, if they are fairly reliable.

gets ready for the stoning

Lweji · 02/07/2014 14:49

2 days a week is excessive Shock

Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 14:53

Like I said it will be two hours twice a week with responsible twenty year old in charge and only too mins away from home

OP posts:
Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 14:54

Sorry, ten mins away from home!

OP posts:
Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 14:54

The two days hours were ten till three

OP posts:
GiveTwoSheets · 02/07/2014 14:57

Tbh I don't think the 12year old needs babysitting, he old enough to be out with his mates IMO.

Yes I would leave 9yr old with 16yr old for 2hrs twice a week if they was going to be sitting on arse anyway I would even kick the 20yr old out of bed. I wouldn't pay my teen as such as she gets enough bought for her and money here and there.

But if it 2full days then no I wouldn't without it being a mutual agreement and for some kind of thing in return

Lweji · 02/07/2014 14:58

A 9 year old is not that much work, unless she is a hellraiser. Hardly worthy of payment for being at home at the same time as her, I'd think.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 02/07/2014 15:04

Okay. I would have no issue with leaving my 16yo with his 14yo and 10 yo siblings for a couple of hours. Done it before, will probably do it again. I don't do it when I work as I'm gone longer than that and I'm not comfortable leaving 10yo DD that long as she doesn't like it (older DSs can get a bit engrossed in other stuff and she gets ignored)

However, I don't leave DS1 'in charge'. They're all capable of looking after themselves - putting a sibling in a position of power can really bugger up the dynamics ime. Most of the arguments between me and my siblings when we were young was because my parents would go out and leave me in charge and I'd try too hard (or get bossy!) and my siblings would resent it and get deliberately arsey. If there had been a real problem they would (and did) defer to me, ditto with my DC. They look to DS1 if there's issues, so no need make it official iyswim.

Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 15:04

Spoke to twenty year-old who is more than happy to do it, sixteen year-old does get money for helping out but my thinking was if he doesn't want a job then he can help me out by enabling me to do something which will benefit us all in the long term, once school goes back I will do longer hours as the organisation is right next door to the school, I can hear bell from the office!

OP posts:
Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 15:07

Mrs Dimitri that's exactly the kind of scenario I was worried about! However the situation is now sorted and everyone happy!

OP posts:
Original poster
groupiedoo · 02/07/2014 21:04

Just wanted to add, if I don't get a job and am really desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel I can always work the sex chat lines.......yuck

OP posts:
hippo123 · 02/07/2014 22:05

2 days a week is not excessive. You shouldn't be paying him, nor should he be viewing it as a job. It's called being an active member of the family. You shouldn't even have to ask to be honest, it should just be expected. The same applies for your 20 year old though. Everyone should be pitching in and helping out, including the younger ones.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/07/2014 22:07

Yabu. They are your kids, not his.

If he doesnt want to get a summer job, fine, but id ask how he is planning on funding his six week break. Surely he will want money for cinema, buses etc?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page