to let asc ds get 2 buses to school each way- alone

[appealtakingovermylife]

Hi there, I'm not sure if this is appropriate in AIBU but here goes, will try and keep it brief.

My 11 year old ds was diagnosed asc at 8.8 and I would class as typical aspergers, socially awkward, very anxious, vulnerable and big for his age.

We lost our recent appeal to desired school and were given 2nd and only other choice which seems to cater very well for asc children. Our intention was to move nearer but are now not in the position to at the moment.
Ds is on school action plus on the SEN register but doesn't need any extra help at school.

Problem is, allocated school is 2 long bus rides away, I don't drive.
Ds loves having a bit of independence such as walking the 10 minute journey home from primary school, he's currently in year 6 and due to start secondary in September.

However, after having a rare heart-to-heart, he has said that he is petrified of travelling to the new school, his anxiety is increasing, not eating or sleeping properly and he really doesn't feel safe ( route involves the busiest road in the city with links to major motorway)

I'm on the borders of two boroughs, the one where I live has failing academies with bad reputations and both the appeal and allocated school are in the neighbouring borough.

Am I being unreasonable to think its not safe? My LA won't help as its not one of their schools and the LA where the school is tell me to contact my LA as I'm not one of their residents.

Ds does not have a statement and this is the first thing anyone asks regarding my concerns. I'm not willing to compromise his safety, but what do I do?

Can you get one bus with him and then put him on the second while you travel back? 2 long bus journeys seems a lot for any 11 year old

Can you book him a regular taxi at least until
He is settled at the school.

Have you tried school transport? Where we live it's free if the child lives further than 3 miles and no pavement.

Hi, thanks for replying, I'm trying to think along these lines too but also have a 3yr old dd in preschool a couple of miles in the opposite direction so wondering if this would work. She does 9-2, 3 days a week.
School has European hours, starts at 8.25,half an hour break all day then finishes at 2.10 so he would have to leave before 7.30.
He currently leaves at 8.45 to start at 8.55 so quite a difference.
It's the second leg of the journey that really concerns me, no traffic lights were he would need to get off and road renowned for RTA's.
The school prospectus even comments on how busy the road is where the school is situated and my ds is completely unfamiliar with the area.

I'm thinking do I go to look at ( awful ) academies in home authority? They both have school buses to where I live, or think ds won't always be 11 and I'm underestimating him. It's the fact that he has asc and there's no transport help ( even for just the first year even ) that shocks me.
I would worry myself sick letting him go to this school:(

This doesn't sound great. If I were you I'd go to your more local schools and ask them about how they deal with SEN. You could try doing the route with your DS to prepare him gradually but it's sounds hard work and is obviously a source of anxiety for your son.

I've an 11 yo ds with HFA and there's absolutely no way I could let him do this. It just wouldn't work. Personally I would just put that school out of my mind and start looking more locally.

Ghoul, it's really making him anxious and withdrawn. He loves school so really don't want his view of secondary education to be this negative.
There aren't a lot of good schools here and to me do I compromise his safety or schooling? It's a no brainer really but I know the allocated school has a great reputation for asc.
I'm going to phone the better of the two academies and arrange a visit, his senco is really pushing the allocated school and doesn't seem to get why I'm so worried.
Ds puts on a facade with her and said he will be fine so I now look like the typical over-protective mum!!, but I know him better and he's now opened up to me.
Nobody else from his school or this area will be/is attending the school.

My DS has ASC and a little older than yours, and I wouldn't be happy with him travelling to school on his own, especially with such a complex journey. There is not just the road traffic, but risk of bullying, being mugged, traffic disruptions leaving him in unfamiliar places, being forgetful and missing his stop/interchange. He is high functioning but has more severe needs than your DS, so he goes to a special school and has a taxi provided by the LA. Other DC at his school take the bus but they are usually provided with travel training before hand. Our LA is pushing for most DC even with statements to travel independently, we are quite lucky to have kept our transport.

Most mainstream DC with ASC do travel on their own, but their needs are less serious. It doesn't sound like your DS needs a very high level of support, but his anxiety is worrying. Ipsea have advice on transport for children with SEN, although I think it's tough to prove a need if the child's needs aren't serious enough to need a statement. In your situation, if the LA refuses to help and organisations like Ipsea don't think you can appeal for it, I would be travelling with him on the journey, taking your dd if necessary, for the first term at least. It is quite a big change to do two long bus journeys from a 10 min walk, no wonder he is anxious.

Thanks Nicki, it's not just me is it?
Other people close to me are not getting why I find this a problem.
Imo,he's not capable. He suffers terrible with anxiety and would spend all summer holidays worrying and I would never forgive myself if something went wrong. I know he won't always be 11, that's what people keep telling me. No he won't, but he will always have asc.

Slightly,hi, thanks for your message:)
What you said about transport has proved my suspicions as I rang local parent partnership who were lovely but said the chances of getting any help are pretty much zero, doesn't help that allocated school is in a different authority to where we live.
I got my appeal decision letter last Thursday and was heartbroken, the school was perfect but majorly over-subscribed by about 500.
So I then was woken in the night by a phone call to say my terminally ill uncle had passed away at just 52:(
School stuff went out of the window for a few days but I've now got to make some decisions and I'm worried I will make the wrong one.
All of the issues you mention regarding travelling cause me a lot of worry, ie bullying.my ds is tall, stocky, looks older than 11 but acts younger, really feel he would be an easy target.
One other issue ds has with the school ( which I think is a great idea ) is they have passes to get to the front of the lunch queue, toilet passes etc.
He hasn't had any "special treatment" his words, in primary school and doesn't want it now.
I feel lost.

I have no experience of aspergers, but I did have to take a train and two buses to school when I was eleven.

If you have no alternative, could you take him on the route several times, so that he gains confidence in going alone?

Hi Mexican, that's the next step i think, aswell as contacting local academy. This seems to be the lesser of the two evils.
I was lucky to be driven to school by My dad from 11-18 as it was 2 buses away and awkaward to get to but on the few occasions I had to get buses I just took it in my stride but I was rather old in the head at 11! ( and a bit of a madam I'm told )
I'm sure if he didn't have asc I wouldn't be worrying but it really does affect him and of course that impacts on other areas of his life.
I've got lots to think about, thank you all for taking the time to reply.

My reply got lost in the midnight forum servicing.

A friend of mine pushed for and received taxi transport for her ASD DD no statement, for the whole of secondary school. I think you should go down this route if you can, though I'm not sure how it is done.

Can you write to your MP? It sounds like an awful situation.

Can you look into moving your daughter to school in the direction where your son's new school is?
You mentioned you may want to move that way anyway.

I hadn't thought about the MP, is it something they could help with? Thanks for that.
I'm waiting to hear about the transport but effectively have been told no.
I really would rather not move close to the school, it was a possibility but will pretty much isolate me, we now live in a village with some family nearby and were not in the position to move in the immediate future as it stands.
Thanks for your messages, it helps to know I'm not going crazy by thinking this is too much for my ds.

My dd7 has ASD, at 11 your boys are still young and their disabilities make them more vulnerable. I would not, a few years down the line yes, bug not at 11 no. Do they have a statement? Can LEA provide transport as they have a disability and would not be able to get to school on their own.

Yes I would push and push for transport, get MP on board, you don't drive your boys have a disability and this is the only suitable school. I would also get school HT to write to,the LEA re transport.

Move the 3yo so you can drive both to school?

If your budget won't stretch to taxis have you considered a lift-share? I know it's difficult to organise before you start there but the school might have a Facebook page or they might put an ad in the newsletter for you? If you could find someone to do the nursery run (either paid or in return for another favour) then you could do your share of the lift share maybe? Or pay for a taxi when it is your turn if you don't have a car.

Are there any retired people in your village who drive and would welcome a little extra cash (and a bit of company) and take him to school. Could work out cheaper than a taxi.

A really difficult dilemma.

Mainstream schools truly good for children with ASD are rare so if you have been lucky enough to find one (and have good evidence that it is not just sales blurb) then I would be tempted to stick.

Can you investigate alternative means of getting to school like taxi's or lift with someone else local. The taxi company might give a discount for a regular booking although I know will still be expensive. It might be worth even doing a taxi for the first half-term even if it becomes prohibitive due to cost after that as at least then he will have hopefully settled into school so that will not be an additional worry. If these prove non-starters then practise like crazy the bus route over the summer holidays so it becomes less daunting. You might also need to rehearse what if situations - like the bus is late or if he forgets his bus pass. Does he have a mobile phone and would he use it if he gets stuck.

As there are more local schools I think you will find it very difficult to persuade the LA to pay the taxi fares but it is still worth asking the question.

Sorry if you've already mentioned & I've missed it but do you have a partner who could help with the school or nursery run? Your ds' dad?

Id also look for a car share/parent scheme. Around here i know of a parent who runs a people carrier into and back from a local grammar school. They charge £5 a day(!!!!) per child (£30/day nice little earner considering theyd be dropping their dd anyhow)

I think you will have to go with him at first - perhaps for the first half term/term until he gets a bit more confident.
Can someone else take your DD, or can she be a bit late to preschool if you have to take her with you? (Will she start school next year, can you apply to one closer to your DS school?)

It may be that your DS will be able to make friends with other pupils who get the same bus and can later travel with them.

Is the bus the only public transport option?

My son is 12, and has aspergers. He gets the train to school, which works really well for him. We chose a school on a train route rather than a bus route, because I knew he'd find buses really hard - even a school provided one. Trains are predictable. If you have a problem there is always a guard you can find. If you miss your stop, it's easy to work out where you are, and find out how to get baack. And he sits on his own, away from other children. I think he'd struggle with the "socialbleness" of the bus to be honest. We did lots and lots of practise over the summer before he started last year, and built up to him doing journeys on his own. And I travelled with him for the first couple of weeks too until he was confident.

Don't know if that might be an option for you? Or whether it might open up possibilities for schools a bit further afield?

I completely understand your concerns, and the frustration that others don't...