Treatment of SEN

[Isthisright1]

Not sure if I'm right or wrong so posting to see what the general view on this is. Have NC to protect identities.
AIBU to think that a child with SEN (ASD) should not effectively be ignored? Have recently witnessed over some time a child basically being treated like they are invisible and never engaged with in any way.
This child throws things, nobody says anything they pick the stuff up, she breaks things they just shout no to her, spoils things, the same. Lies on floor and is ignored completely, sits by door or window and is ignored. No attempt made at any interaction at all.
It seems to be a case of clean up/clear up whatever is disrupted but act as if the poor child is invisible and huff and puff in her direction like its all so difficult. She is spoken about within earshot as if she is nothing but a nuisance and it is not nice.

At first glance it does seem like the problems are very severe and there is little eye contact/communication but the other day I said hello to her and she had eye contact with me. She threw a load of pens and I picked them up then put them back on the table and said "let's leave them there now" smiled and she went to throw them but put them down then sat next to me, and sang the alphabet song.
I don't know who to raise this with but I think this little girl could really benefit from somebody making an effort with her.

What is your role/relationship with this child?

Nothing, I am just at the setting with my own child every session due to her special needs/disabilities

I expect her family are making huge efforts with her, and may be strategically ignoring bad behaviour.

How much of her private life do you actually see?

Congratulations. You cured ASD. Publish your findings and you'll win a Nobel.

In what context are you seeing this little girl? School/ nursery/ child minders/ at home?

And yes. You are probably wrong.

And yes. YABU.

I did not say I cured anything. I just think with a little bit of interaction and less acting like it is all a nuisance things could be better for the child.
The other children in the setting will surely be picking up on the attitude that she is treated like a nuisance and ignored and tutted about rather than the staff including her.

surely if she is at a setting then the staff there are interacting with her and advising the parents and if their behaviour is an obvious issue they would deal with the matter appropriately.

i don't think it is ever a good idea to make a decision about someones parenting based on a snapshot of their day.

Is it staff treating her like this?

If so then I think YANBU

Nothing about parenting at all as I only see what happens at the nursery. Four hours each morning.

It just didn't seem right, strategically ignoring 'bad' behaviour I can understand but no interaction at all? I just wondered if that was right.

Maybe the parents, given that they know their child, have a better idea on how to be with her, rather than a stranger who's spent 5 mins in her company?

My dd has ASD and I feel it's important to interact with her as much as possible even if I don't always get a reaction from her, sometimes it's hard and it gets tiring when you tell them not to do something and they take no notice, I pick my battles . Having a child with autism is hard work and it's hard to know how to react when everyone is watching you and judging you, sometimes it's easier not to react to some behaviours because it could trigger other behaviours.

She isn't talking about the parents, but the staff.

I have not meant to offend anybody with this thread, it just feels wrong to see a child ignored and not interacted with when quite clearly she does respond to interaction.

So the staff are ignoring her? Is it a specialist setting?

With either of my boys, the reaction depends on context. Occasionally, we do need to be selectively unobservant, or else a behaviour can escalate, or maybe we'd drive ourselves potty and are just better waiting for it to pass. Sometimes, right now is not the time that a particular behaviour can be dealt with because by the time it's happening, the horse has bolted, so to speak.

Incidentally, if you know how to discourage an 8yo from walking backwards all the way to/from school, I'll buy you a pint and cancel our LD CAMHS appointments.

She is talking about the nursery staff.

Sorry, x posted lots

Is it a sn nursery? Or a ms nursery?

No, just a normal nursery.

I x-posted with most of the thread, fanjo! Laptop's being slow.

Sorry xpostes. I would think if it's the staff, then you probably have a point. Still hard to be sure though.

I think you are right and they probably don't know how to interact with her so just don't make the effort. Which is sad.

But it's hard to tell.

At drop off and pick up parents are very very affectionate with her, chatty, just lovely. Seems a far cry from the way she is then ignored when there.

Maybe I shouldn't get involved, it just felt wrong watching somebody be ignored.

I would go by how the parents are with her being the way she should be treated.

Poor wee girl.

Ah. Nursery staff.

Can you talk to the parents?