To tell DP I don't like Glastonbury even though it will destroy him?

[Bonnywilde]

My parter (43) is obssessed with Glastonbury festival. He's told me many times how he's been for the past 6 times and how amazing it is and how in love he is with it, he sees himself as an expert on it and goes on and on and on about it. Someone was on radio the other day talking about it and DP shouted at the radio to shut up as they know nothing about it .

He took me for my first time last year. Not being a lover of camping I remember being freezing cold every night (I'm extremely anaemic which doesn't help), tired, claustrophobic and fed up. yeah we saw some good bands and met some cool people but I just didn't "get it" even though it seemed I really should? I couldn't bare to tell him so I told him I'd enjoyed it even though I wasn't as into it as him.

Well he was super excited when he got tickets for this year. I thought I'll give it another go, be better prepared, bought a good arctic sleeping bag, plastic penis, coffee sachets, good shoes and lots of stuff for hygiene and although it worked out better than the first time, I still don't "get it". It's too crowded, wet and mucky, everyone is hammered by 4pm and half of them unconscious by 8pm, you can't get anywhere near the big acts anyway, the bogs are disgusting, the food ridiculously expensive and every day is spent trudging from one field to the next to watch some crappy band that DP promises me will be "awesome" and ends up sounding like a school music classroom.

I just don't like it all that much. I've tried it twice and I just don't get it. I also don't like the way DP acts when he's there. This year he bought some weed (which I didn't mind so much as a one off) and an ecstasy tablet ffs - then he's stood there stoned, high and drunk saying he can't face watching the end of Kasabian as he feels funny. Then he starts going on about how he's a "stoner" so used to it its embarrassing. at 43 years old you aint a stoner, you're a middle aged engineer trying to relive your youth.

Anyway, I'm going to have to tell him I don't want to go next year. It will destroy him and I suspect he may even question our compatibility over it (no joke).

Should I just suck it up and go and try and enjoy it or is it too much to pretend? Don't want to be selfish but I can see me getting bitter about it, especially the amount of money it costs. We must have spent around £800 on it this year.

The cost is a red herring, because if he only goes to Glastonbury and nothing else at all all year then £67 put away each month for his only hobby is fair I would say. As long as you get around £67 a month for yourself also.

If you don't want to go, then the date for next year is June 24th-28th, 2015. I would book Alton towers or legoland ( if you like theme parks for you and your DC)

What a catch - sorry kids we cant go on holiday....dad wants to spend the best part of a grand on Glasto and drugs!

With you it would be £400 so actually £33.50 per month

I've never understood the hype of Glastonbury. Just a load of druggies in my (very sheltered childhood) eyes. Can't stand the idea of the toilet and hygiene facilities, or lack thereof. I'd rather poke my eyeballs out and eat them than go to Glastonbury.

DH went a few times in his youth. He knows my opinion on it.

That's pretty much the end of the story.

I would think it "destroying him" is a bit melodramatic!

Tell him to go with his pals OP. I like festies, but not the monster huge ones like Glasto and T in the Park...too big and dirty for me. Also don't see the point in paying out to see the big names, only to watch a few dots move about on the horizon. I like the smaller ones...Solfest last year was brilliant for example.

All those getting their knickers in a knot over the spends...well, plenty of people blow cash on shit they don't need when the family could use better things like a new car don't they?
You'd spend more for a week in Costa Del Burger King to watch your kids play in the pool for a week, when they'd be just as happy camping an hour up the road. Lots of people put their jollies on credit.
Just because Glastonbury isn't your particular interest doesn't mean it's any more a waste of money than a week in Tenerife.
Doesn't automatically make him a 'manchild' if the OP's dh is passionate about his festival...just different from you.

I went to Glastonbury twice and loved it - but I was 17 and 18 at the time.
There is no way in a million years I'd go now, can't stand the thought of it. And even less so at the prospect of the children not having a holiday because all the money has been spent on a drug fest weekend. That is an appalling sense of skewed priorities IMHO. I'd seriously be thinking about the relationship if I were in your position.

Why do children need a holiday?

I mean we do all the bloody work don't we?

Tell him you didn't enjoy it, you've tried twice but it doesn't suit you.

Then talk to him about how you arrange your family finances, and your priorities, and how any 'spare' money is spent.

If you each have 800 a year to 'blow' on anything you fancy, then it's fair for him to waste his on a festival. If not, not.

And yes he sounds like a middle-aged wanker going on about how 'with it' he still is. He's supposed to be a grown-up now, even if it doesn't seem much fun. And that means paying the bills first, not indulging himself.

He's too old. Seriously, some sad old man in a field. I'd have dumped him at "back in the day ".

Can't stand Glastonbury.

Move on!!!

I think the £800 was for both of them to go.

I simply can't imagine acting happy for my partner for three whole days whilst feeling miserable inside - either you are amazing at hiding your feelings or he just doesn't particularly care about your enjoyment. I also can't imagine why you don't feel able to tell him to go on his own?

The money thing is another issue altogether, and it does make him sound like a cock, sorry.

I actually think going to Glastonbury with someone can reveal how you really feel about them. You spend so much time together. The company can make or break the experience. Quite frankly I couldn't bear to go with someone who dragged me around to see as many bands as possible, U have always picked a couple of must-see bands but spent plenty of time in the green, craft, circus etc bits.

I , not U

£800??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Fuck that. I can't think of anything worse than going to Glastonbury, but the thought of actually having to pay that much to go?????

No. Just No.

He's told me many times how he's been for the past 6 times

Is this a new-ish relationship then? I would assume were you together for these past 6 times you'd know he'd been and he'd have no need to keep telling you this. Is he father to your DC?

The reason you don't like Glastonbury:

It's too crowded, wet and mucky Yep, it can be.

everyone is hammered by 4pm and half of them unconscious by 8pm Nope. I question who you are going with and where you camp. There are places on site which are much worse than others for that. There are a hell of a lot of people who aren't there for the drink or the drugs.

you can't get anywhere near the big acts anyway Glastonbury isn't about the big acts. Its about ALL stages. You can go a whole weekend and never go to the main stage.

the bogs are disgusting Well yes...

the food ridiculously expensive Some of it is. Some of it is surprising affordable and still nice. You just need to hunt around a bit.

and every day is spent trudging from one field to the next to watch some crappy band that DP promises me will be "awesome" and ends up sounding like a school music classroom. What about your music tastes. Why do you have to go and see bands he likes? I'm sensing that your whole experience of Glastonbury is doing what he wants rather than you having your own experience.

I also don't like the way DP acts when he's there. This year he bought some weed (which I didn't mind so much as a one off) and an ecstasy tablet ffs - then he's stood there stoned, high and drunk saying he can't face watching the end of Kasabian as he feels funny. Then he starts going on about how he's a "stoner" so used to it its embarrassing. at 43 years old you aint a stoner, you're a middle aged engineer trying to relive your youth. Well now we are getting to the bottom of it...

Anyway, I'm going to have to tell him I don't want to go next year. It will destroy him and I suspect he may even question our compatibility over it (no joke). Are you putting words into his mouth or are you subconsciously voicing your own feelings that you don't want to admit to yourself.

Glastonbury isn't everyone's cup of tea. Not everyone enjoys it. However what you are describing isn't having a problem with Glastonbury. Its having a problem with going away for a weekend away tagging along with your partner who is behaving like a twat, not considering what you like (and don't like), in an environment you aren't comfortable with, not exploring anything you want and spending far more than you need to in the process...

Yes there is an issue with your compatibility here, because its all about him, and not about you at all.

I can't help but feel Glastonbury is probably one of those things that was great 'back in the day' but has now become completely commercialised and actually has very little to do with the music and people anymore.

I couldn't think of anything worse than spending nights sleeping in a muddy field surrounded by filthy drunk and drugged people, being forced to listen to loud shitty music by mediocre performers.

It would destroy him if you told him you don't enjoy Glastonbury? What a precious little snowflake he must be.

Let him go by himself next year and spend the money on something you want to do.

If you have never told him how will he know? Your mistake was deciding to hide your true feelings just to appease him.

He might well shrug his shoulders and get over it.

I would find it very difficult to find such a man attractive if I am honest.

I've never been to Glastonbury but I always imagined it to be much as you describe but with more queuing. No thanks.

Are you the same OP who can't plan the wedding/honeymoon she wants because her partner is funnelling all the money for it towards his Glastonbury obsession, and whose partner is suggesting they just shouldn't get married then because he won't put off going to Glastonbury a year? (I really hope there aren't two of you). If so, and I'm remembering those threads right, you have far more serious problems than can be resolved by just sending him off on his own next time.

How did the 2nd lot of tickets come about?

Could he not tell that you didn't enjoy it or didn't he care?