To tell DP I don't like Glastonbury even though it will destroy him?

[Bonnywilde]

My parter (43) is obssessed with Glastonbury festival. He's told me many times how he's been for the past 6 times and how amazing it is and how in love he is with it, he sees himself as an expert on it and goes on and on and on about it. Someone was on radio the other day talking about it and DP shouted at the radio to shut up as they know nothing about it .

He took me for my first time last year. Not being a lover of camping I remember being freezing cold every night (I'm extremely anaemic which doesn't help), tired, claustrophobic and fed up. yeah we saw some good bands and met some cool people but I just didn't "get it" even though it seemed I really should? I couldn't bare to tell him so I told him I'd enjoyed it even though I wasn't as into it as him.

Well he was super excited when he got tickets for this year. I thought I'll give it another go, be better prepared, bought a good arctic sleeping bag, plastic penis, coffee sachets, good shoes and lots of stuff for hygiene and although it worked out better than the first time, I still don't "get it". It's too crowded, wet and mucky, everyone is hammered by 4pm and half of them unconscious by 8pm, you can't get anywhere near the big acts anyway, the bogs are disgusting, the food ridiculously expensive and every day is spent trudging from one field to the next to watch some crappy band that DP promises me will be "awesome" and ends up sounding like a school music classroom.

I just don't like it all that much. I've tried it twice and I just don't get it. I also don't like the way DP acts when he's there. This year he bought some weed (which I didn't mind so much as a one off) and an ecstasy tablet ffs - then he's stood there stoned, high and drunk saying he can't face watching the end of Kasabian as he feels funny. Then he starts going on about how he's a "stoner" so used to it its embarrassing. at 43 years old you aint a stoner, you're a middle aged engineer trying to relive your youth.

Anyway, I'm going to have to tell him I don't want to go next year. It will destroy him and I suspect he may even question our compatibility over it (no joke).

Should I just suck it up and go and try and enjoy it or is it too much to pretend? Don't want to be selfish but I can see me getting bitter about it, especially the amount of money it costs. We must have spent around £800 on it this year.

I love camping but Glastonbury would be my idea of hell, peace and quiet is what it's all about for me. You can't keep doing it if you hate it that much, and to be honest, if he can't go without you and be happy with that I think there are bigger problems in the relationship.

My DH used to be into some sort of wargames dressing up thing when I met him, and dungeons and dragons. I made it clear from the start that I had no problem with him doing it but wasn't going to get involved myself. He was fine with that, and over a few years moved on to other hobbies.

I'm one of those people that loves festivals (don't do drugs at all though and would fume at e) DP on the other hand, doesn't want to entertain it.

So do you know what I did? Went myself with friends, because I love DP and I am not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to.

If your DP is worth being with, he'll just make alternative arrangements and accept it's not for you.

he hasn't been "every year for the last 6 years"

Glastonbury Festival wasn't held in 2012

Mmmmm, plastic penis.

YANBU. I can't fucking stand camping, or the very idea of festivals. Back to nature - ick. The entire drive of human civilisation has been aimed at getting as far away from nature as possible. There's a REASON for that.

More usefully - if you really think that revealing your hatred of Glasto to your partner would cause a big rift in your relationship, perhaps it's a conversation you need to have, painful though it may be?

exactly Korma. This is why it's making me mad. No holiday next year, clamped out old cars without heat or air con because they're wrecked, bank in overdraft every month but hey, Glastonbury is a must.

Tell him! Can't he go with friends?

I go to a festival every year. I have a blast and love every minute of it, but, it's local. I don't have to camp, I can go home when it rains or if I want a shower.

Whilst I love the music and the (ponce alert) "vibe", we dance, get a bit pissed and totally let our hair down, I'd hate it if I had to stand around in the mud and the rain then trudge back to a bloody cold, wet tent. I'm too old for that shit.

DH hates it, so I go with friends. It's not that big a deal, and if he'd consider splitting up over something so daft as you not liking music festivals, then I'd be thinking WTF am I doing with such a man

And I would be pretty mad at festivals being put before taking the kids away.

I haven't been to any since our eldest (2yo) was born as it's just not affordable and saving for them to have a holiday comes way first.

I too am in the camp of disappointment that the plastic penis was a she wee. Although, they do seem useful.

I never found those large camping groups fun. I like camping in an RV with electricity, a heater, and a built in shower. Even then it's pushing it to go somewhere without wifi.

The problem I'd be seeing with it is that your DP is 43 and still doing drugs like a kid. You sure he's not going through a midlife crisis?

I don't see why he can't go by himself. Surely if it's that great, he'll have just as much fun on his own.

"We can't even afford to go, we have two cars (mine is 14 years old, his is 12 years old) and they're falling apart, failing every MOT, we can't afford to take the kids away next year yet Glastonbury is organized without a second thought. It just annoys me. (see I'm already becoming bitter about it)"
Ok, until this point I had assumed you were in a boyfriend/girlfriend/not living together/no kids scenario. My bad. So, you live together? Are the children his? What ages? Because now it looks, apart from his sadly-clinging-onto-his-yoof, there is a serious need to reassess your financial priorities. Nobody's hobby gets to control the family finances IMO.

Sorry, phone rang so I crossed posts with updates,

But yes, family cars, family holidays, etc, come first. If I can't afford it without dipping into the family budget, I don't go

I cant understand why he will be SO devastated if you say that you'd rather not go to a festval that takes place once a year...? Its not such a huge deal, is it?

My Dh goes to football every week, all the tournaments etc. I go maybe three times a year with him (when there is an away game in a place I might fancy a mnoght away!)...big deal. He likes footie, I dont.

If he loves festivals in general, there are smaller, much gentler ones than Glasto that you can try as a compromise. But if its camping you hate, tell him. I dont see it as a dealbreaker unless he is an unreasonable twat.

partners do not need the same interests and he could go without you.

but the drugs, the inability to understand finance, the poor priorities when you have kids....bigger fish to fry here, I fear.

Oh, and your boyfriend sounds like a cock

This sums it up really.

Sorry still on 'plastic penis' I will get back to you...

"I just don't like it all that much". ha ha ha I loved that line at that point in your post. Really? you don't like it? Really?

I have never been but I can promise you that I would like it about as much as lying face down in shit-mixed mud, catching norovirus, listening to morons screaming and talking gibberish all around me, and a shitely produced band I didn't like that much anyway thrashing about miles away attempting to replicate some songs that were only mildly listenable indoors on a decent sound system, while knowing - KNOWING - that the next time i needed to use a loo would be hell on earth. Oh right that's what it is like, isn't it.

just say no. he sounds like a dickhead anyway

I absolutely love Glastonbury (this year was my 9th), but if you really don't like it then don't go. You'll be happier, he'll be happier (though he sounds like he's being a bit of an arse so I'm not sure him being happy should be that much of a concern), and your ticket will go to someone who really, really wants to be there.

Off topic slightly, what are the she-wees like? I've never plucked up the courage to use them.

Forget she-wees. Traveljohns are where its at.

Anyway I digress. OP, outside of this Glastonbury nonsense, would you say you are generally compatible and rub along together happily? If so, then just come clean, if he's a nice person he will accept that it's just not for you. Although I suspect he's a bit of a dick in other areas of life too and will give the OP all manner of grief if she's honest about this.

It would 'destroy him'? Bloody hell, his priorities are fucked.

I love Glastonbury. Love, love, love it. I also love my DH and if he didn't like it I would go with like minded people. No big deal.

Your dp sounds like a right plastic penis.

The drugs would be a deal breaker for me. Or the £800 spend when you have an overdraft and no holidays for the kids.

Off to Google traveljohns and she wee before my camping holiday (£210 for the whole family for a week with about £250 set aside for food and spending)

He sounds like a plastic penis cock tbh.

Does he not understand that not everybody is interested in Glasto the same things?

If you really feel that you can't tell him though, that's a problem.

I love Glastonbury, but I totally get where you are coming from. If its not your cup of tea it would be hell. If you dont like it dont go.

Just tell him. And then tell him how you feel about him prioritising this over his kids and your needs as a family. He sounds like his priorities are totally screwed and he needs to grow up

You have kids together and he'll question your compatibly over a dirty muddy field? Agreeing with everyone else sadly

Did you see Dolly & Metallica? I'm jealous of that bit.

I'd advise buying a proper plastic penis and sending him away on his own.

Order of financial priorities:-

1. Family
2. Hobbies

Glastonbury the way he wants to do it is a hobby, not a family thing. Tell him he can pay for Glastonbury (and go on his own) after the family holiday has been booked and paid for.

I love camping, I love bands, I love a good piss up. But I HATE Glastonbury.

Once I've been and the good just doesn't outweigh the bad for me. The mess, shit and litter everywhere, disgusting toilets, people off their face everywhere, occasional fights...bleugh. You couldn't pay me to go back.

I could deal with the drugs, I don't see it as ^that big a deal tbh as a one off.
If going to a festival is being put before decent cars, a family holiday then your oh needs a look at his priority. If dh put a hobby/event of his ahead of a holiday for the kids that would be the dealbreaker for me.