DSD & Uni

[puzzledassduck]

I've NC for this in case anyone recognises me and i'm not sure what you will all think to this!

So DSD is nearly 18 and currently at college. She pretty much comes and goes as she pleases. So there's no real custody anymore. Her mum gets all the child benefits etc. We get all the bills.

All the money DSD needs comes from us. In the past this hasn't been a massive issue because we earn a lot more than her and DH's attitude is that it's his daughter so he's more than happy to support her.

So right now her allowance comes from us, her food/travel costs for college, driving lessons, clothing. Entertainment. We pay for all of it. Not a word has ever been uttered to the ex about it. Even her college address is registered to ours. It's been so tough recently with her wanting to learn to drive. It's so much more expensive nowadays!

DSD is going to be applying to Uni soon. DH & I sat down over the weekend and worked it out that basically we will really struggle to support her at uni because of the course she wants to do and our combined income means she will get hardly any bursary/loan.

So given her mum has the benefits, would I be unreasonable to suggest that she registers as living with her mum? That way she gets more of a loan and maybe a bursary.

The second part is that I suspect if we did suggest it that his ex will go nuts. She's not the most reasonable of people and any effort required on her part usually ends in disaster. Especially if it comes to anything dealing with the authorities. She has this strange aversion to anyone in authority.

But I can't sleep at the moment with worry. Obviously DH wants his daughter to go to Uni, as do I. But we have two other kids to think about who will be at home for some time to come.

AIBU to want the ex to step up a bit and help out?

Maddy That is impressive if you had to contribute nothing. Did she get a loan and a grant. My DC got minimum loan, worked and we still had to contribute.
Some universities are very generous if you are from a low earning family. The amount one of my DC's friends received was amazing, so she didn't need to work. We certainly could have matched that amount.

When I trained as nurse they were bringing in sponsorships for HCA's on the ward, giving them a salary (12-14k approx) whilst training either as a nurse or a midwife. I struggled on just an nhs bursary which was £4.5k in 96-99 and part time work too, although I was exhausted and ended up doing months longer as a result of missed placements (not from working, just exhaustion!) could DSD look at this option?

A car isn't always necessary. I worked shifts on a ward for years from being 18, and used bus and train to get into work/go home. Lots of us commuted into work.
It might be more difficult if her trust is in a small town but there should still be transport for staff/shift workers.

It is perfectly doable with minimal support.

She will get all tuition fees paid by the NHS. On top of that as she is post 2012 student she will have a mandatory grant of £1000 before any income is assessed.
On top of that she will be able to have the NON means tested portion of a student loan (approx £2300 this year) so she gets £3300 before income assessment.

My DD2 is nursing. We have a combined income of approx 45k a year and DD2 gets £330 a month from her income assessed bursary. She lives simply and also works a few hours at Fatface around her placements and shifts... and we just send £40 a week food money. It really is doable.. and most students work.

My DD1 is a medical student and her situation is much tougher as they don't get tution fees paid til 5th year ..just normal student loans but she has managed to do HCA work in her local hospital..and manages, tho we have had to fork out for elective placements (ouch.. £800 this summer) and help with food, travel etc .

Try not to panic! Unless she has been independent (ie living away from both parents) for 3 years she IS classed as a dependent student and both parents have to submit details.

• As mum has been recieving benefits still for her she is DEFINITELY a depdendent student and mum can't wiggle out of that!

She won't need a car, OP. When I was a student nurse a few years ago hardly anyone had one - placements that weren't at the local hospital had a shuttle bus service, and community placements we got to by bus. Most people did work on the nursing bank as an hca at least through the holidays (which are shorter than a standard degree but still long) and many managed to fit it some bank shifts in term time.

I do think she should register with her mum's address as her main address but please don't think you have to foot the bill for all her living expenses, travel and partying - you don't, most parents don't and mine didn't contribute anything even though they should have according to assessment!

Your DSD is an adult now, so she's needs to work out how she is going to do this. Tell her you will be able to afford x per week/month/whatever and she'll need to discuss with her mother, look at work options, consider going to work for a couple of years first to put some money aside. I see a lot of graduates who have come through uni with their parents having supported everything and never having to work or make tough decisions. Believe me, they are the ones that really struggle when the reality of the working world hits them.

Thank you all for the replies. We, well DSD will have to broach the subject with mum but like I said before, from previous experience it won't end well.

That will make DH go into his whole "Well fuck her then. If she won't support our daughter then I will" mode. He's already working two jobs and yes we have a decent income but we work bloody hard for it and there often is sod all left at the end of each month.

For now I guess it is all hypothetical. It's a very tough course to get into. At the last open day they told her there's over 1000 applicants for 48 places. So I guess in some ways we will just need to cross that bridge when we get to it.

If people are on standard courses with set hours, they can get through with minimal financial help depending on where they live.

DP and a lot of his uni mates (mature students) have managed it so far whilst doing engineering degrees (20+ hours a week in lectures/labs, about equal amounts of work out of lectures), all of them didn't go from college to uni though, they worked for a few years, built up what buffers they could and have worked in whatever jobs they could get living here (temping, ad hoc, bar work, call centres, etc). But we do live in a city (which is expensive) with a lot of temping and bar work available.

My sister went to a uni up north and studied for 5 hours a week, but there were barely any jobs up there for the locals, let alone students, so my parents ended up helping a lot.

Get her to look into her uni and what will be available nearby. There are options for shift workers if she's in a place where there is work, it may not be great, but it'll be there.

Also, see if she'll consider working a year or so before going, she could find out if there could be any study/voluntary work she could do to improve her chances of getting into the course as well during that time?

If people are on standard courses with set hours, they can get through with minimal financial help depending on where they live.

I think this point is key - just like with the MN threads where posters in cheaper areas of the country can't understand why you can earn what seems a lot in some areas if the country and still be really quite hard up.

In some places the cost of living is much cheaper, so students can survive on a loan plus part-time work. In other places, as previous posters have mentioned, the university may ban term-time working or there may just not be many suitable jobs available - or, as is the case in many places, the cost of living is so high that part-time unskilled work just won't pay enough to live on. Accommodation in lots of areas is extremely expensive - more than a student could earn doing shift work around a degree course. And it isn't always possible to live at home - midwifery isn't offered by every university.

Also don't forget to take into account the money you currently spend on her while in college (food, clothing, driving lessons, other expenses). I remember when I first went to uni my DM forgot that these expenses would go with me leaving home so she had that money to contribute to the total she needed to provide. You may find it's a lot more than you think, once you pay out for incidentals. Think it worked out more than the rent she was paying for me in halls.

past It is indeed. It's more the people who live in areas with jobs that amaze me as they don't seem to get that in some places, there are just no jobs. I'm from such an area but I'd struggle to believe it if I hadn't spent six months trying to find any job there.

I live in an expensive area (city on south coast), but we have a lot of part time and ad hoc/temping jobs down here, they may not be great, but they are available, so students do have that choice here.

What really annoys me is that DPs grants are based on his Mother's income. He lived with her for six months before going to university to save some money on renting and they based his grants on her income, even though he'd been financially independent for 4 years by that point and not living there for over two.

Can she review where she goes to study? Is there somewhere closer to home, or a relative/friend nearby that she could stay with? Or is there an option of uni in a less expensive town?

Studying such a vocational course, I would imagine that most of her socialising will be done with her course mates, so the who social uni thing might not be so important.

I would sit down with her a do a budget, and then discuss how you can help, what help she can get from other sources (Student loans, NHS, uni bursary) and see what the shortfall is.

Student finance has changed quite a bit in recent years, I'm back off to uni this year so I've just been through the application process.

Your DSD will have to do her application asking for the maximum maintenance loan and grant as well as the tuition loan. Her mother will have to fill in a separate form and sign it declaring her income from 2012/2013 if DSD is going to uni this autumn. She doesn't need to provide any other docs unless they ask at a later date because they check with inland revenue (I think it's them, they ask for the NI number at any rate!) ultimately it's what's best for DSD so hopefully she wouldn't have a problem with it and it saves her being asked to chip in for costs later down the line.
If her salary is above 25k pay then it will be less, going down until a £50 grant if there is a household income of 40k. Does the ex have a partner that lives with her? She has to declare it all on the form.

I though child benefit stopped at 18 anyway

Studying outside of London gives a lower rate of loan/grant and it really isn't enough to live on for some. The maximum for each only gives £600 pm if spread over 12. Shared accommodation makes a big difference though.

Peachy: They expect you to live elsewhere/work though for 3 months of the year, it comes to £800pm if you spread it over the 9 (September to July). There is one point where it's spread over 4 and it's less on average then too. Then there is also the loan, which obviously needs to be paid back.

TheFairyCaravan, quite a lot of the uni accommodation I've seen costs a lot more than 3k! More like 5k and even 6-7k at some places.