To not punish DD16 after this party?

[primoserock]

Hi all, first time poster here. Daughter is 16 (17 in a few days) and went out on Saturday night to celebrate the end of the school year. There was a party at the house of a boy in her year, with older siblings around and parents in town so they could come back. We live 5 mins walk away, DD knows the boy well and she has been to his before and had a great time. However, DD does not normally drink like her peers, is quite small and skinny and exhausted from the end of term. Ended up throwing up and passed out (she was not the only one) after 3 beers (which she shared with her boyfriend). Boyfriend rang us from her phone and I drove to pick her and him up (he slept on our sofa).

Now, the tricky bit is whether to actually punish DD or not for what happened. She is remorseful (who wouldn't be with a whacking great hangover) and apologetic, out of embarrassment and actual shame. She is a very sensible girl normally, and although she clearly did not know her limits (which I have talked to her seriously about) she did not drink with the intention of getting drunk. However, I don't want to necessarily punish her, because a) she didn't really break any rules or do anything morally reprehensible, and b) punishment would not necessarily help to enforce a message about drinking responsibly.
We will unquestionably give her more serious talks about responsibility if she is going to drink, and expect her absolute best behaviour from now on, but we also want to help her put it behind her and learn from it. We are just glad she was not far away and with good friends who took care of her. It happens to all of us after all.
So, would I be I being unreasonable to not punish her for a silly, naive but ultimately minor incident?
Sorry for the essay! Thank you

Don't you just love it when everyone agrees

The hangover is punishment on its own.

No punishment from me either.

At that age I had been doing that very thing from an even younger age - and I had to cope with the consequences myself.

It's all part of growing up.

My DD was hospitalized after silly drinking on her 17th Bday. It was a family party and DH and I were taking drinks off her all night but it still happened. She slept all night in hospital and I sat by her bed and still had to go to work next day. I was very angry with her and told her. But she was very contrite, took my anger (only words...not shouting/row/ physical). I made her pay the taxi home and put £20 in the Air Ambulance Charity box. (She didn't get airlifted!!) We have a bit of a 'laugh' about it now but I was really embarrassed. She hasn't done it since (to my knowledge!!). She even went to work in a very physical job (Stables) next day with not even a hangover! Don't punish...just thankgod that she's ok and that she had a lovely sensible BF to care for her. It could have been so much worse.

I'd keep it lighthearted "well you won't be doing that again will you" but I'd also get across the message that without her sensible boyfriend, the outcome could have been very different.

No need to punish, I think its a good lesson in itself.

I remember getting really drunk on my 18th, (normally sensible) and I was so ill, since then I've been quite sensible, I certainly learned my lesson!

At least you know she has friends who will look after her :)

Oh bless her, don't punish her! If she feels anything like I do this morning that will be more than adequate. Great that her boyfriend contacted you and great that you were able to collect them both. Hopefully she will learn from this. Sadly, I never have (53)

I wouldnt punish id tut about it and warn her not to do it again, you do reslise she is fibbing dont you she has concocted aww mum I only had 3 sips of beer mya friends dd was bunged into a taxi because she couldnt walk and she only had 3 wkds

What I got from my dad was black tea and dry toast but I would never have expected/asked for/got sympathy. No punishment required.

She has a lovely and sensible bf.
No no punishment. She will be suffering enough as it is!!

Why would you even think of punishing her? It's part of growing up.

Though i would speak to her about how many drinks she had as its hard to believe she passed out from sharing 3 beers.
Maybe make it clear she can be honest with you.

Thinking back, my parents never punished me for getting drunk but they were suspiciously LOUD the next morning..

Hi all, thanks for all of your replies!
Glad everyone agrees about no punishment. I never really wanted to punish her (she is doing that herself). I asked mainly because I spoke to a close friend about it and she was bemused as to why we didn't punish her. Also apparently some of DD's friends were surprised she didn't get yelled at. At least we are now finally 'cool' parents
Also agree with all of your comments about the boyfriend. He is lovely, and this weekend (thankfully before the party) was DH's first time meeting him, he was suitably impressed.
Am inclined to agree with some of the comments about the amount she drank- it was actually the boyfriend that told me that she had had 3 beers when I picked her up, but that could've been a white lie to protect her. Don't really want to drag it up now- whatever she drank, it was too much, and the most important thing is that she learns her limits.
Daughter and I have had a chat this morning about how things could have been different. She is obviously embarrassed, and I've tried to reassure her that 8 weeks of summer holiday will dilute the memories in people's minds and it will be old news by September, especially as she wasn't the worst at the party. Even she is starting to find it funny now. She has texted round to apologise/thank the party host and the people who looked after her. At least she knows she has good friends there.
Next year will be uni where she can embarrass herself in front of a whole new lot of people

Definitely no punishment. The hangover and mortification is punishment itself. I did it when i was 18- also an angel and i still remember how horrified i was, and sick as a dog- especially after my mum brought me breakfast in bed before i had remembered what happened, then dragged me out in the garden as the fresh air would do me good!

I would be thanking the BF for doing the right thing and maybe make a comment to DD along the lines of "and this DD is why under 18's are not meant to drink alcohol" but leave it at that.

I do also wonder if anyone spiked drinks for a laugh? My sensible, can hold his alcohol DS was a right state once and actually heard his 'friend' say ' oh god I've killed MaryDS'. Maybe a talk about this too as its seen as quite funny by some.