To not punish DD16 after this party?

[primoserock]

Hi all, first time poster here. Daughter is 16 (17 in a few days) and went out on Saturday night to celebrate the end of the school year. There was a party at the house of a boy in her year, with older siblings around and parents in town so they could come back. We live 5 mins walk away, DD knows the boy well and she has been to his before and had a great time. However, DD does not normally drink like her peers, is quite small and skinny and exhausted from the end of term. Ended up throwing up and passed out (she was not the only one) after 3 beers (which she shared with her boyfriend). Boyfriend rang us from her phone and I drove to pick her and him up (he slept on our sofa).

Now, the tricky bit is whether to actually punish DD or not for what happened. She is remorseful (who wouldn't be with a whacking great hangover) and apologetic, out of embarrassment and actual shame. She is a very sensible girl normally, and although she clearly did not know her limits (which I have talked to her seriously about) she did not drink with the intention of getting drunk. However, I don't want to necessarily punish her, because a) she didn't really break any rules or do anything morally reprehensible, and b) punishment would not necessarily help to enforce a message about drinking responsibly.
We will unquestionably give her more serious talks about responsibility if she is going to drink, and expect her absolute best behaviour from now on, but we also want to help her put it behind her and learn from it. We are just glad she was not far away and with good friends who took care of her. It happens to all of us after all.
So, would I be I being unreasonable to not punish her for a silly, naive but ultimately minor incident?
Sorry for the essay! Thank you

I wouldn't punish her, but my eldest is only 5!
I'd be a bit gloaty ('told you so'), naggy and stricter, but I think her embarrassment and hangover will be punishment enough. It's a rite of passage. And I'd really big up the boyfriend for getting in touch with you.

As close to unanimous as I can remember seeing on here. For what it's worth I agree with everyone else!

Don't punish. Do sit down and tell her you want her to be happy and her safety is important. Tell her she can drink but talk about knowing your limits and enjoying yourself without getting blotto

Agree with everyone too. Both about not punishing your daughter and about commending her v sensible boyfriend.

I think punishment would mean that if this happens again, she'll hide it from you & could end up in a dangerous position.

I think it was more than 3 beers but hey ho. As another poster said just offer tea and sympathy.

I wouldn't punish. A head crushing hangover will do that for you. It won't be the last time she makes a mistake on a night out and the key thing is that her boyfriend called you and you sorted it out. My view is that teens do dumb stuff and she needs the confidence to know that if she fucks up you will rescue her, whatever she has done. She'd just better stand still for the bollocking / naggy conversation later.

no need for punishment we have to find our own way in the world and getting totally pissed is just one of those things she wont be doing it again soon:)

I'm not sure why people don't believe it was only 3 shared beers. I'd pass out if I shared 3 beers, people have different tolerances to alcohol.

I'd have a conversation at some point about not giving in to peer pressure (if that's what happened) & the dangers of drinking so much that you pass out.

Well done to the boyfriend, I agree.

Hope she managed to get to the bathroom!!

I agree, punishment isn't necessary, she's doing that herself. I do think she needs to understand how lucky she is to have such a caring boyfriend though, he acted sensibly and thoughtfully, if she had been with the wrong person it could have been very different.
I discovered at 16 that however nice Guinness is I can only handle 1 of them and it tastes awful coming back up

Was certainly more than 3 beers. Been there, done that drink whatever you can, as much as you can, and when parents catch you pissed oh, i only had a glass of cider.

Of course you shouldn't punish her! She's 16, not 6. Now is the time to be out drinking yourself silly. My siblings and I all have a very sensible attitude to alcohol and it's because my parents let us drink and learn our own limits. My mother was the one they probably now frown upon in Sainsburys, buying me my four pack of Smirnoff ices before a party. Sympathy with a small amount of I-told-you-so is all that is required.

I agree twas probably more than 3 shared beers, and I speak as someone who was only about 7st at 17 and didn't drink and would have been all over the place on 3 glasses of wine at that age.

I also agree that punishment is not necessary. Obviously you don't want it to happen again, but what if it did? What would you want to happen? Well basically the same as what DID happen - for the boyfriend to phone you and for you to be able to go to the rescue. If you punish her, the next time she is in a bit of a pickle she won't call you to avoid the punishment. And that could turn out a whole lot worse.

Of course you can't punish her anyway she's nearly an adult.

17 is the age they do daft things like this ( says she at considerably older than that and hung over last Sunday)

Make her a cuppa and chat.

Btw 3 shared beers my arse! weight and ability to hold your drink have absolutely no corolarion.

I am a skinny short arse and can drink my tall fat friend under the table. Not proud just saying.

Punish her? What on earth for? Do you never go over your limits, even now?

I would be proud that she is showing remourse and responsibility for her actions, which is again more than most adults can manage.

I would also be proud that she has really good taste in boys. Her bf actually phoned you up and made sure she was ok.

I agree with everyone else. My first time really drunk was 12! I had half a bottle of vodka. The next 16 and I had 3 litres of cider.

Now though I hardly ever drink and never get drunk. It's been about 5 years and I'm only 24 so all my friends arestill in that stage.

I think it was pushing myself at a young age that has made me more sensible today. Not condoning though of course and if I had a child who did that I would go mad, but just saying not all teenage drunks stories are bad ones.

I would imagine it was more than 3 shared beers simply because that's what they've admitted to. Generally speaking, I would expect them to minimise the amount when telling the story.

No punishment from me. Sounds like a great boyfriend too.

I don't know, 3 beers and I'd fall over at that age. I'm not a whole lot better now

I wouldn't punish either, maybe take a leaf out of my mum's book and Hoover outside her bedroom door at 7am

I don't think you can really punish someone who is nearly an adult. It's not your role any more.

I Would,nt punish her. But if she threw up anywhere other than tidily inside the loo or tidily outside in the garden she goes round there with flowers out of her own money, and apologises.

No punishment required.

I remember doing the same thing at that age, my parents took me to a&e though, no punishment just a 3 day hangover after my bottle and a half of vodka 4 alco pops

No punishment.

Just be careful if feeling sorry for her and inadvertently treating her!