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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am 100 right on this one

29 replies

Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:17

Right I have made some friends through my bestie however one of these girls have become increasingly rasicst in the thoughts and deeds she has always been a little UKIP however this has gotten worse since she's started dated this guy she is seeing any who

Over the last couple Of months it has got really bad at first I tried to ignore and give the benefit of a doubt however after she started posting thing from "Britain first" which is a off shoot of the BMP I had to draw the line so I removed her from face book then the next time I saw her pulled her aside and just said with out raised voice or shouting or anything I. Am really sorry but I can no longer have you on my Facebook as you been posting things that make me feel uncomfortable I asked her to let me explain,

She shouted I a,always on my high horse and then ran off with out letting me explain.

She then proceeded to go on Facebook and slag me off with her boyfriend and another mutual friend of our her best mate and now this mutual friend who I have no issue with had de friended me which I think is really off and this person has said she will never speak to me again (confused)

My bestie who introduced us in the first place is horrified and did try to explain to this girl that she is entitled to her views (however wrong I think they are) but I personally just don't won't to be exposed to them and that weather she feels I am wrong at least I had the balls to tell her directly why I felt I had to take her off unlike her who just had a big slag festival on line I feel she has been very immature firstly not telling me to my face how she feels , then going on Facebook with it all and then involving others who have nowt to do with it.
AIBU

OP posts:
Prettykitty111 · 30/06/2014 21:21

Err why did you have to pull her aside and tell her you had defriended her? Why not just do it? If those are her views then you could guess she would start defending herself.
How old are you all?

Rivercam · 30/06/2014 21:21

I think you were reasonable in explaining your actions. Maybe contact the other friend and explain your actions to her, and ask why she has de-friended you, as you can't see any reason for this.

ihatethecold · 30/06/2014 21:24

I just de friend people like that. Easy!
You did make a song and dance if it.

Plonkysaurus · 30/06/2014 21:24

Umm... Let's see if I understand.

Your friend introduced you to another friend, and you became friends on Facebook. She posted racist bile and you defriended her on fb without explanation. You then explained it in person and she went batshit. Then another friend did something else...and the original friend did something?

Urgh I hate he-said-she-said detail. But if your question is really "AIBU to defriended someone I barely know because they support Britain First?" then YANBU.

Ditch the haters. Your life will improve immeasurably.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:26

Pretty kitty - because if we were at a function I don't won't to pretend it was a oversight or a accident and I didn't want her to try and re ad me I think it's much better to be straight with people and just because I think she's wrong don't mean I have to be an arse I could of wrote something under her comment or made her look silly I could of just had a good old slag like she did me but in the end I was raised if you have a issue with someone you deal direct.

Only cowards de friend then pretend it was a oversight when they see the person and pretend like there is no issue

OP posts:
Fram · 30/06/2014 21:31
Shock

Ok, I will admit that I read your OP and sniggered at "BMP", so I googled it, in order to post a wanky witty comment about Birmingham Music Press or something.... but, BUT, BUT when you google "BMP" a linked search (i.e. what others have searched for) come up for "BMP Party" Shock

How many people think they're called BMP then? Confused

And I can't work out if you're BU, because- its FB. I mean really?

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:31

No plonk

I have a bestie who is friends with someone then we all become friends she even came to my hen night she's always been a bit UKIP but we were hoping to turn her if you like however over the years she has been come less UKIP and more EDL especially when she started dating this guy last couple of months I have noticed increased comments and I would say some rasicst at their worst.

So I felt I had no choice but to de friend but she the type to enquire why she Is no longer added so I felt I should tell her to her face

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/06/2014 21:31

"Bestie" - does any adult use that term?

I think I'd have just removed her from your friends list and let her work it out. The FB fallout was pretty predictable by the sound of it.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:33

Yes if this person was someone I never saw then fair play however she's pretty much at every do I go to as she is in my circle of people( sadly )

OP posts:
TucsonGirl · 30/06/2014 21:38

Stop saying "bestie"! And stop using facebook, it is a site that causes misery.

LoxleyBarrett · 30/06/2014 21:39

Bestie - are you 12?

Not sure how you can be a little UKIP either?

Just block and forget about them, they really aren't worth it.

parakeet · 30/06/2014 21:40

You all sound about five.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:41

Parakeet
Thanks for your words of wisdom

OP posts:
Plonkysaurus · 30/06/2014 21:42

Ach the main thrust of my post still stands. Get these people out of your life.

Original poster
Thefishewife · 30/06/2014 21:45

Thanks plonk your right face book is the devils work people get so affronted weather they are added or not

OP posts:
Prettykitty111 · 30/06/2014 21:46

I'm sure she wouldn't have even noticed she'd been defriended unless she only has 5 friends and lives on fb.
If she had come up to you at a function and said why aren't we friends on Facebook then you could have told her but I think you did it quite confrontationally. If someone had felt they had to "pull me aside" and have a quiet word with me then that would automatically put my back up to!

That's why I asked how old you all are. Because you all seem a little young and immature trying to score points off each other and slagging each other off. I can almost imagine having to deal with this kind of he said, she said, i dont like you, well you said mean things, kind of crap teenagers get upset about.

To be honest anyone who spouts the Britain first shit isn't the kind of person i would want to be friends with or talk to at a function anyway and if your mutual friends aren't disgusted by what she posts maybe they are all as bad as each other.

Maybe try and meet new people, you may find your group are starting to mature in different directions....

EmmaGellerGreen · 30/06/2014 21:48

Try to find some grown up friends maybe?

flyingtrue · 30/06/2014 22:07

I'm not sure why you didn't wait for her to ask tbh, it could be viewed as lecturing or aggressive to take her to one side and explain- however honest your intention. She probably felt that way, got on the defensive and well...you know she's a twat anyway so weren't you expecting a twat response?

The mutual friend...well obviously not so mutual a friend.

Sounds like you should block the mutual friend, the twat and her partner. Then distance yourself and wipe your hands of it. Just go out with your est friend and refuse to engage. People that slag off on facebook tend to love drama, denying them that pisses them off far more and stops you getting stressed by it.

gellicleCat · 01/07/2014 00:53

thought she was saying 'beastie' for a whileConfused

MistressDeeCee · 01/07/2014 01:25

Doesn't matter to me how young you are or whether you use the word "bestie" or not. You're mature enough to know racism is vile and wrong, and to let someone know why you are against their racism.

Ignore people on here caught up in how you sound/speak - they're missing the point, which is exactly what they want to do anyway.

As for the FB stuff - you've defriended and said your piece, so just ignore it all from now on. There's not much to her if she has to resort to silly online threats

QueenofLouisiana · 01/07/2014 07:19

YANBU. If she is promoting racist bile you are much better off without it on your feed. You had more guts than I think I would have done to confront her about it directly Smile.

I think FB can bring out the worst in people's personalities, they can spout off shite to a huge audience or put up cryptic "woe is me" statuses to get a response and sympathy.

JodieGarberJacob · 01/07/2014 07:23

If you just select 'hide all posts from this person' then they will never know and you wouldn't have had all this angst.

EarthWindFire · 01/07/2014 07:28

How on earth can you be a little bit something.

I also hate all the she said he said stuff. It opens itself up to misinterpretation or lies.

You all sound quite immature. If you no longer want to FB friends de friend and move on.

Plonkysaurus · 01/07/2014 07:36

I have real trouble following blow by blow accounts of he said she said stuff. Maybe I'm just thick/gormless but I don't think the details of who did what to who are important. I don't think the fact it happened on Facebook matters.

Racist people are douchebags and you took steps to remove one from your life. Well done.

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/07/2014 08:10

I'd have dropped her at UKIP.

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