Daughter being bitten and scratched at local playground

[Anchors]

We visit a playground a couple of times a week and there is another child there who is very excitable and lively. Lots of biting and shouting/being loud and grabbing/scratching other children.

My daughter has been scratched in the eye (very purposefully, with clenched claws attacking centre of face), had the back of her ear scratched so severely it bled, and bitten on 2 occasions (peeling skin and teeth marks that stayed for days).

The mother of the child is defensive when I have tried to talk about it and justifies behaviour by saying her child was provoked (pushed or had a toy taken away for example).

I don't want to stop going to the local playground 5 minutes from our house where we have made lots of friends, because of this child. But also don't know what to do if the other mum won't discipline or tell her child it's wrong to hurt someone. What would you do?

I'd be doing loud parenting and encouraging my 4yr old to stay away from a child who can't play nicely.
That child and the parents are going to really struggle in a school environment.

The mother of the biting girl is stupid or pig headed or both; so sad and antisocial.

Follow your dd around, if the girl bites or scratches again and leaves a visible mark or draws blood, call the police. This mother needs to get a grip.

I'd just shout at him next time tbh.

Don't let them play together? Tell your daughter to keep well away perhaps? A few 'no, leave me alones' and your daighter walking away to play on something else away from may make the other child's mother think-especially if a lot of people adopt the approach. Poor child will end up with little in the way of friends I expect when at school, but quite honestly the other children's safety is more important.

If your child ends up being in school with the other, then speak to the school as soon as you know and make it clear you don't want them in the same class or near each other if possible.

I would approach the mother and calmly say, 'the next time your child assaults mine I'll be calling the police. Control your child'
You don't have to put up with this

Can i ask is your child a lot bigger physically than the other child ? I only ask because my child is of a similar age and has only bitten one other child at this age and he was a lot bigger , clearly i came down on him like a ton of bricks for doing it . If your child is pushing the child around and snatching things from them , then they are likely to retaliate somehow , not being of an age where reasoned arguments are very common . Is the child wrong for retaliating , difficult to tell from what you have posted , should the other parent intervene , absolutely .

They are the same size and while my daughter does stick up for herself rather than say nothing, she knows what is right and wrong.

I don't seriously think I can get the police involved with small children.

It wasn't regarding biting and was a diifferent setting, but I have once, effectively, done what heather and flying suggest, just keeping well clear and refusing to allow the child to play with my child/our stuff. If they do end up at the same school, and if it does happen, there will be the teacher who will have authority, so you won't be trying to resolve it on your own.

Sorry Anchors i think i may have misunderstood , so it isn't your DD who pushes or takes toys from the other child ( regardless of the ownership of said toys ) ?

If someone else's dog bit your child and its owner did nothing to stop it, you would call the police wouldn't you? Next time this child behaves like this, tell the child off, loudly and effectively. If the mother kicks up a fuss, call the police about her (the mother, that is). Make sure you have your mobile phone with you when you are likely to encounter this child. If there are bite marks and injuries left on your child, take your child to a doctor or a&e and tell them what happened. Children's saliva can carry diseases so if blood is drawn or the eye injured, this can be serious.

What will the police do exactly? The child is well below the age of criminal responsibility and what could they accuse the mother of, lax parenting is not a crime afaik.

I saw a little boy at soft play, who when he was hurt by another child shouted really loudly "NO! NO PUSHING AND NO HURTING" I thought it was great and the hurter backed away scared.
Coukd your child do that?

Do you have a local PCSO you could ring instead of the actual police?

My child bites and scratches as an inappropriate response to stress - he has SN. I still make it abundantly clear that his behaviour is unacceptable when he does it, however. I would find the mother's behaviour bemusing.

aintnothinbutagstring
no one suggested calling the police to charge the biting child, but they might intervene if an adult such as biting child's mum becomes aggressive. The police do here in UK have a duty to protect children from harm. I would argue we all have that responsibility. A copper turning up and talking some sense might just help.

It's civil matter involving two small children,I can't see the police role
Anchors. Sorry to read. Your Daughter has had these experienced.youre right to support her

Frumpet, my child doesn't snatch toys away this is the other child. My daughter has pushed the other child when her toys have been taken and she has been shouted at when she asks for them back.

On another occasion she was bitten by this child for accidentally tripping over legs - absolutely accidentally! So the other child's first response to any kind of perceived attack or not getting own way is to lash out physically, and the parent seems to think it's justifiable.

I have got photographs of all the injuries. I don't know what I intended to use them for I just felt the injuries were so extreme (from one 4 year old to another), that I needed to keep them on record.

I empathise it's as shame.you've got no sway over the other child.you have sway over your child
You can consider how to teach her to appropriately deal with tricky situations
And realistically it's unlikely the adult parent will take on board feedback,so for now I suppose avoidance,and use other facilities to not potentially lash with the other child

I think I should work on my child's responses, so loudly saying no do not bite/scratch me, immediately coming to tell me, and generally staying away.

The time before last my daughter was so upset at the attack and the blood that she was hysterical. It was so unjustified. Feel so angry thinking about it.

Instinctively,you'll be enraged your child got hurt .of course.
Do work on daughter responses and ability to protect herself.she'll need at school
No immediate answer or resolution.do praise her,reward appropriate interaction

4yo's should know not to bite.

The fact the mum won't tackle the behaviour worries me, how is the kid supposed to learn anything if mum won't support & encourage & guide GOOD behaviour?

Are the school doing settling in days? If so, ask to see the teacher privately and show them the photos. Explain that you expect your DD to be safeguarded from Bitey, and that you will be monitoring the situation carefully. This should also trigger some assessments of Bitey's needs. Perhaps this is also relevant.

It's outrageous to all. Another child bitey. And it's not necessarily safeguarding.at all
One cannot preempt how the other child will be at school.nor should one stigmatise a child
One cannot begin to label any child bitey or anticipate problem.

scottishmummy
this is not a "civil matter between two small children". Anchors has a duty to protect her own child from harm, under the Children Act 1990 if nothing else. The police do, in fact, in England, have a duty to protect children (and other people) from harm. What biting child is getting up to is causing real harm and must be stopped, regardless of etiquette between adults. If biting child won't cooperate, and biting child mum's gets "defensive" and constantly accuses other children, biting child's mum is a menace and the police can speak to her.
And what's all this about "use other facilities"? Why shouldn't Anchors and child go to whatever playground they like, without having to flee in terror?

Quote legislation as you wish,realistically I can't see police role.
Pragmatically op better addressing her daughter responses,and continue be supportive