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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you are going to stare at ds, at least have the decency to smile at him when he waves to you.

78 replies

hazeyjane · 30/06/2014 19:53

To the woman who stopped and stared as I walked dd's and ds back from the bus stop. Ds is 4 and has a genetic condition, I was pushing him on his little push along bike, and he was making happy noises and blowing raspberries and waved at the woman as he does to everyone, but rather than smiling or waving back, she stopped and just stared at us. It seemed to me it was a stare of curiosity, but she could have bloody smiled as ds waved frantically at her.

OP posts:
dawndonnaagain · 30/06/2014 19:55

DD used to wave and say: "I know, I'm fabulous, aren't I".
In fact, she's 17 and still does. Or if she's using her stick she will sometimes say: 'Do you want to see the other use for it?" with a menacing look! Grin

LastTango · 30/06/2014 19:56

People really don't know how to respond sometimes. Don't take it personally.

TheReluctantCountess · 30/06/2014 19:57

How rude of her.

I'd have waved and said hi.

hairylittlegoblin · 30/06/2014 19:58

The weirdness of some people never ceases to amaze me. Who doesn't wave to a child?

Staring is horribly rude.

SixImpossible · 30/06/2014 19:58

Perhaps she would not have smiled even at any other child. Perhaps she was thinking "It might have been all right after all".
Perhaps she was thinking "My shoes hurt and I'll be glad to get home. Oh, not seen that family before."

Who knows.

FWIW, not only would I have smiled back at your ds, but I would probably have blown raspberries back at him, too.

Original poster
hazeyjane · 30/06/2014 19:59

Your dd sounds so fab, Dawndonna.

I wish now I had just said, 'can I help you with something?' Or along the same lines as your dd, 'he is gorgeous isn't he?'

But I was just a bit thrown. Even dd1 said, 'why was that woman staring at us?'

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 30/06/2014 19:59

What a cow! I'd have waved and said hi.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/06/2014 20:00

YaNBU.

Noone waves back to DD, many stare at her or obviously turn away

WeirdCatLady · 30/06/2014 20:00

(Smiles and waves at hazyds)

GoringBit · 30/06/2014 20:02

hazeyjane, 'he is gorgeous, isn't it' sounds like a winner to me. (And I'm sure he is.)

Original poster
hazeyjane · 30/06/2014 20:02

Haha, Ds would love you Six, he loves a raspberry, and a thumbs up, that always goes down well!

OP posts:
GoringBit · 30/06/2014 20:03

Oh for crying out loud... isn't he.

Sorry.

dixiechick1975 · 30/06/2014 20:03

Some people are rude but it is upsetting.

I can still vividly really the teen girl in asda screaming when she saw baby dd (born without her left hand and arm below elbow). Dd is 8 now.

Over time I find I don't even notice starers anymore. Most people are nice Smile

We have also met some lovely people who notice but explain they/a family member has a missing limb.

Singsongmama · 30/06/2014 20:05

If a child waves at me I always wave back (sometimes a little too enthusiastically according to my DH!) and if they're close enough I always speak as well - usually just "oh hello, that's a lovely bike!" etc.

If she was staring then she could have managed a wee hello.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2014 20:08

The rudeness of some! Dawndonna good on your dd Grin

flipchart · 30/06/2014 20:09

There could be another side to this you know, she could have been day dreaming and although looking straight at your DS wasn't really noticing.

Years ago I was in Asda or somewhere when I heard a shrill voice say to her toddler, ' don't worry darling, some people are just rude and don't like children'
I looked around and there was only is 3 in the aisle. I honestly hadn't registered this kid making eyes and waving at me!!

Original poster
hazeyjane · 30/06/2014 20:11

Goring, you don't have to say sorry Smile

Fanjo, some people are arses. Ds is younger than your dd, and I don't think I have got used to the idea that people might stare and be rude.

I kind of don't mind if people do that slightly longer look than normal, if they smile, but this woman stopped in her tracks to watch us go by looking straight into ds's face.

It has been niggling at me ever since and I don't start threads in AIBU, but thought it might get it out of my system, so thankyou for being kind Smile

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/06/2014 20:13

What I dont understand is..DD makes noises..OK it's human nature to turn round once at an unusual sound, but some people turn round every single time, if they are in her vicinity for a while. I mean whats the point, they know the source of the noise.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 30/06/2014 20:14

if that is he on your profile pics then he is indeed lovely, Smile

YouTheCat · 30/06/2014 20:14

Flip, I think there's a huge difference between someone who hasn't noticed a child because their thoughts are elsewhere and someone who is clearly staring.

Thomyorke · 30/06/2014 20:15

Sometimes there is a reason, my DP gets very angry at people staring at DS2 and was just about to confront this one lady when she introduced herself as DS2 special school. I like to give people who stare the benefit of the doubt but tutters and mutterers can piss right off.

MyFairyKing · 30/06/2014 20:15

YANBU, so mean! I love smiling, waving and chatting at little ones. It always brightens up my day.

Thomyorke · 30/06/2014 20:16

Sorry that should of said special school teacher.

RatHammock · 30/06/2014 20:19

That is one beautiful little boy you have there, hazeyjane Smile.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/06/2014 20:20

If someone stares at DD I stand between them and DD and stare back. It works.