To think that if you are going to stare at ds, at least have the decency to smile at him when he waves to you.

[hazeyjane]

To the woman who stopped and stared as I walked dd's and ds back from the bus stop. Ds is 4 and has a genetic condition, I was pushing him on his little push along bike, and he was making happy noises and blowing raspberries and waved at the woman as he does to everyone, but rather than smiling or waving back, she stopped and just stared at us. It seemed to me it was a stare of curiosity, but she could have bloody smiled as ds waved frantically at her.

My dsis is 32 & has severe learning difficulties.

Even after 32 years of seeing people's reactions to her, I am still amazed at the number of people who cannot manage a smile or a wave when she waves and says, "hiya". She looks about 12 and is very cute but I suppose some people are embarrassed and panic. People staring, however, really winds me up.

DP once explained to me that until he met me and therefore her, he'd never really met anyone with a learning disability so had never known what to say/do. He was always worried about doing the wrong thing. I still can't understand how if someone waves to you, waving back is not the obvious response!

I usually get the same bus as a kid from DD's school. He is about 15. He always sits at front and says hello to everyone who gets on.

Literally noone says hello back except me. People just completely blank him.

Another one here who does not get why people are like that.
There are very few things in life as cheering as a random smile, wave, hello etc from a happy, inquisitive baby/child. It's just lovely and always makes my day. I LOVE playing peepo with babies !

If I see a toddler in the park just on the verge of starting to play up for mum, I will often say "oh I LOVE your wellies/scooter/teddy" or whatever, and do a big smile, which often diffuses the situation and makes the mum smile too.

It costs nowt to be nice AND it's actually good for you too!

I think its also true that people love to say hello to a baby or toddler but stop when a child gets older.

Dd is 7.5 but in many ways is like a toddler.

Can count on on hand the number of people who have ever even smiled at her in last few years.

When she gets to adulthood I'm sure everyone will nlank her as they do to adults with LDs.

*blank

Hahaha, you know something - a kid waving at me from the roadside or another car EVEN when I'm in the foulest of foul moods (which I normally am when I am driving) never ceases to put a smile on my face. I always try to wave back but if I cant (say I'm in the defender with no power steering) I will at least smile and try to pull a funny face for that kid.

I'd say hello to an older child if they smiled at me or waved or an adult. I am a non-discriminatory creepy smiley waver.

YANBU. I have this often with my DS and there's nothing worse, he's 12 now and gets fewer people waving and hi-5ing (he loves a hi-5 ) all the time which really upsets him sometimes.

BUT, I was once out shopping when I saw a teen boy with CP. I did stare for a few seconds because I was trying to figure out if it was a boy I knew from DS1's school, I didn't have my glasses at the time and my eyesight sucks but when I got closer I said 'Hi, X' and explained to his parents who I was.

sometimes, there's an explanation, but you need to then apologise and explain.

He is gorgeous, and at the moment he is still cute toddler looking, but I guess he is getting bigger and his behaviour can be, hmm, a little erratic! It makes me so sad to think that as he gets older some people will feel uncomfortable and unable to just smile or wave or say hello.

He loves to wave at everyone or do his thumbs up (which actually looks a bit more like a seig heil salute) and if people don't respond he makes his 'uh, uh, uh' noise, as if to say, 'come on, I'm saying hello you fool!'

Didn't mean to depress you.

The positive side is very occasionally you meet a lovely person who says hello and it means a lot.

I have seen both sides, with DB with LD people used to stare a bit and I would wonder why when young, then later on understood and would defensively stare them down.

Then I caught myself staring at someone once, just longer than was polite, its human nature.

Now when I see a person with this particular disability, I do often look because he is no longer with us, and it makes me remember....but I always smile or speak to the person....I realise I do it now and try not too as I do appreciate the parent doesn't realise I am actually in a reverie about my DB.

This particular lady does sound odd..now its happened once though op, hopefully never again but if it does, you are better prepared to say something....

Aw you didn't depress me, Fanjo. I just wish everyone had a smile or a wave in them.

I'm a person who gets stared at but even then it doesn't stop me sometimes finding myself staring at others. It's human nature for us to be curious when we see a difference. However I do always check myself look the person in the eye and smile because I know what it's like being on the other side. I much prefer children looking - they do it with innocence and if they ask about me lose all interest once I've explained. Adults who openly stare make me want to slap them - I literally feel my blood boil. The important thing is that my family and friends accept me for who I am and don't even notice my imperfections. Well they might notice my roots but we cant all be perfect ;-)

Just wanted to say he is so bloomin cute!!! How could you not wave at him!? Some people are rude unfortunately. I cant blow raspberries, but id wave and smile!

Waves at Dixiechick-Dd2 (age 10yo) is missing her left arm from birth too. Might we have met at Reach AGM?

It may be that she is scared to react.
I know a lovely old lady in her 90s. She loves children and loves talking to them, and they love to come and see her dog too.
Unfortunately in the last few years there have been some people who have whisked their child away with "don't talk to strangers" when she has bent down to say hello to them. She now doesn't like to speak to a child unless she either knows the parent well, or has asked permission to speak to them. Very sad, she feels that she is judged for speaking to children.

Omg I just took a sneaky peek at your photos OP and he is gorgeous!

It would make my day if he blew a raspberry and waved at me in the street.

I get it with my DS who is ASD, he has some noise quirks when out and about. It's a comfort thing.

I just think there is no need to stare, he is not bothering you so stop blooming staring.

You've got gorgeous kids!

I'm always scared of what the parent will think if I react to their child. I've been accused of being patronising before by smiling and waving back at kids, I don't know if they'd rather me ignore them or interact with them

YANBU though, not at all. Especially not if she was staring so hard your DD even took note!

My Dsis has Downs. When I was a bolshy teen and people stared at her I would say "It's alright, it's not catching!" in a loud voice. Nowadays I smile sweetly at them and sometimes ask if I can help them. Most people have the shame to blush. I can't help but smile and wave at every child I see. If kids wave from trains I always wave back.
There is a fabulous little lad with Downs in my town who always gets a big grin and a 'hello gorgeous' from me. He always reaches out his hands from the pram to me so we can touch fingers and giggle. His parents indulge me.

hazeyjane, have just looked at your photos. Surely, surely they were staring because he is so lovely? Beautiful kids.

I feel for you OP.

My natural tendency whenever a stranger asks me questions/makes comments about my disability is to be sarcastic. Having had a couple of people then clarify they're asking because they've got a kid with a disability and they see similarities in me and were wondering or then say "oh I was asking about your chair because my so and so needs a new one and I was wondering..." I'm trying to bite back my sarcastic shut up you rude idiot type responses and simply respond with "why do you ask?" Because it makes the people who are being nosy realise they shouldn't have asked but gives those with a genuine query I'm usually happy to answer a chance. But sometimes I still just snap "I've been in my chair since I got up this morning" if they ask "how long have you needed a chair?" or "because walking is overrated" if they asked why the chair.

When children wave to adults and they can't be arsed to respond, it makes me want to punch them in the face. It's such a small thing, and makes the kids so bloody happy. On the other hand, I could cheerfully kiss every bus driver who has ever waved to DS; makes his day every damn time.

My DS doesn't have SN, but he loves to say hi to people, and hardly anyone says hi back. I love to wave and smile at other people though (occasionally to ones i don't know, to confuse them) ;) Your little boy is gorgeous OP, please send him some raspberries from myself and DS