AIBU to consider only taking one of my kids on a day out?

[thornyhousewife]

OK, I have two DD's. DD1 is 4, DD2 is 18 months. We have been invited to a Summer BBQ at my husband's place of work. I understand they will have a bouncy castle and face painting.

AIBU for considering only taking my 4yo, and leaving my 18mo with my parents?

I love my 18mo, she is amazing, but she is a pain in the arse a very spirited toddler, who is mostly grumpy, doesn't mix well with other kids and will 100% monopolise my attention as she runs away and likes to do dangerous things etc.

I promise she is lovely sometimes

I would like to take just my 4yo as she loves meeting new people and I think she will really enjoy it. It would be nice to just give her some one on one attention. It will also be 18mo's nap time, and she doesn't sleep in her buggy...

Also, if I'm totally honest, I feel nervous about making a good impression on my husband's colleagues and would be mortified if 18mo smacked their kids/me and threw tantrums the whole time.

Should I man up and take them both and hope we have a great time, or should I just take the 4yo? What would I say if anyone asks to see the baby?

I feel guilty for even considering.

Any advice much appreciated!

Of course not! Makes every sense and lovely opport for lovely 1:1 with eldest! Don't feel guilty. At all!

Why would you feel guilty? Toddler will be having a lovely time with grandparents.

If your parents are happy to have her, go for it.

If anyone asks where the young one is say that your parents wanted to spend some time with her. Enjoy yourselves!

makes sense.

How much would an 18 month old really get out of an event like that anyway?

I think it is nice to do some 1:1 with your children. They all need some individual time and attention and it can be hard to make that happen sometimes so if you do have an opportunity, take it!

YANBU - If it's not worth the stress it will cause you, just arrange to do something fun with the toddler at a different time if you feel a bit guilty.

Not unreasonable at all. Enjoy the day

Your 18 month doesn't sound that amazing if she is grumpy, doesn't mix well, is highly spirited and monopolises your attention and runs away!! She sounds a horror!

Of course leave her at your mums and if any one asks where she is you just say ' she's at my mums' what's difficult about that!

YANBU at all. I wouldn't worry about the 18 month old making a poor impression, but it sounds like you'll all have a better time and you'll be better able to make a good impression yourself if you weren't basically just their to guard your toddler. And at 18 months your toddler will get as much out of a day with GPs. (This all assuming you, GPs and toddler are generally happy about GPs looking after her).

Don't worry so much about what other people think (about toddler's behaviour or you not having toddler). Some people will criticise whatever you do. Most won't notice or won't judge. Think about what will likely work best for everyone (including you) and go with that.

Go for it! I do this sometimes and it works out better for everyone.

I wouldn't hesitate. Do it and have a lovely time

Don't feel guilty at all, it'll be good for your eldest to have some one to one time with you, plus you could do with a break I'm sure

I agree with everyone else - this is a win-win for everyone, including both your DCs, each of whom get quality family time without their sibling butting in!

Thank you- much appreciated.

Parents love having the kids, we are very lucky.

I think I feel guilty because I find her such hard work.

Flipchart - thanks for that. I can list her positive attributes if you like, although it's generally rather tedious when mum's do that.

Nah, don't bother listing her positive attributes, you are right it is boring!

She sounds like my DS 2 when he was that age! Spirited meant a pain in the arse.

However, hopefully it's just a phase and it's nice to do things with the children individually from time to time.

Of course YANBU - it's what I'd have done if I had Grandparents ready and able to do that.

Hey op, maybe yours will be the first AIBu when everyone is in agreement?!

It is good for a child's self esteem to have one-on-one time with parents/grandparents without always having siblings around. This has been proven to apply to boys and girls, but probably has more impact on older children. But you might as well get in practise now!

I had a grandmother who refused to have more than one (of 3) of us to stay on holiday at a time, and I think it was actually a good thing for me (youngest). Middle sister remembers it differently though!

totally not unreasonable. I used to take my 5 year old to the cinema and leave the 18 month old at nursery.

Great bonding for the 5 year old who'd originally had my undivided attention for 4 year before his brother appeared (and was a total velcorbaby when I was a around).

sorry velcro baby

I once left dd2 at nursery while I took dd1 and 4 friends to soft play. She is still outraged (four years on). But in your case, yanbu. Enjoy your day with your 4 year old.

No, I take my children away on separate trips and short holidays. I think it nice for them and feels so special. She won't even know at 18 months

I feel much better about this- think you all! Am looking forward to it!

Both DD's will feel like they're getting a special day out. Win win.

You have the same age gap I did which is quite close but at that age they are very different. It is very hard right now as they both have high needs and you will all be needing a break from that intensity. YANBU to separate them, but try to work on them building a closer relationship when they are older.

Thanks again all.

unrealhousewife- good point, thank you. Any tips?!