AIBU to consider only taking one of my kids on a day out?

[thornyhousewife]

OK, I have two DD's. DD1 is 4, DD2 is 18 months. We have been invited to a Summer BBQ at my husband's place of work. I understand they will have a bouncy castle and face painting.

AIBU for considering only taking my 4yo, and leaving my 18mo with my parents?

I love my 18mo, she is amazing, but she is a pain in the arse a very spirited toddler, who is mostly grumpy, doesn't mix well with other kids and will 100% monopolise my attention as she runs away and likes to do dangerous things etc.

I promise she is lovely sometimes

I would like to take just my 4yo as she loves meeting new people and I think she will really enjoy it. It would be nice to just give her some one on one attention. It will also be 18mo's nap time, and she doesn't sleep in her buggy...

Also, if I'm totally honest, I feel nervous about making a good impression on my husband's colleagues and would be mortified if 18mo smacked their kids/me and threw tantrums the whole time.

Should I man up and take them both and hope we have a great time, or should I just take the 4yo? What would I say if anyone asks to see the baby?

I feel guilty for even considering.

Any advice much appreciated!

When they were little I would get DD1 to 'look after' DD2 from time to time, that way she was helping and feeling grown up but also it enabled her to see the vulnerable side of her little sister.

As they got older we played board games etc, always giving little sis 2 extra seconds start or extra turns. Cooking together was always tricky but helpful for teambuiding. These sound like obvious things, but it is easy to fall into the trap of them playing a role and once the youngest starts being the attention-seeking Diva the older one can get resentful and it's hard to come back from it. Divide and conquer also works, Dad takes one, Mum takes the other etc but generally to get the older one to feel protective about the younger one is the best strategy.

It will all fall into place whatever you do, so don't worry about it too much.

Do it!
I have 3 dc, age 13, 10 and 7yo. And I, and they love having special time with just me and one of them.
It's also, even now, much easier having just one of them, any one.
They all get their own turns at being the one, so it is perfectly fair.

I tried those sort of things with my two to try and help them bond. They are nearly 15 and 18 now and to be honest it backfired spectacularly.

DS in his early teenage years accused Ds2 of being the favourite because he always had to help 'him' he said Ds 2 always got things extra just because he was youngest and where was the fairness in that.

I still hold feelings of resentfulness towards my sister if I'm totaly honest for similar things.

I didn't try and make him help out all the time either as I didn't want to be to OTT.