To ask when this whole parenting thing gets easier?

[PenelopeChipShop]

This is actually a serious question. I wonder how many people who clicked on this are expecting me to say I have a 12-week-old, struggling with breastfeeding, or similar. Nope. DC has just turned 2. I'm really down today because:

He has still never slept through the night, not once. DH hasn't helped much up to now so I feel like the living dead

He's a really fussy eater - basically wants to live on fruit and/ or rice cakes, not interested in proper meals

Is super, super clingy - to the extent that he won't usually even be comforted by his dad. DH tried to get up with him at the weekend to let me sleep in and they could only manage half an hour before he was shrieking 'Mummy see' and demanding to be let at me

Am an unhappy SAHM - made redundant on mat leave despite wanting to return. Have been offered 2 jobs since then but both turned down flexible working requests so I didn't feel able to take them (my mum is not well at the mo either so this was partly bc of her needs, not just the DC)

Of course, I love love love him - plus side is he very cute, language very good so communication is getting easier, I am v lucky to have him I know. But two years ago I was at the peak of my career, and now I feel utterly stuck, isolated, drained - if I could just sleep through the night things wouldn't look so bad but I can't imagine him ever doing it. I don't think DH understands why looking after one toddler is tiring, in fact most of the time I think it shouldn't be.

I just want to know what age does it get a BIT less intense - when can you stop following their every step for example, or when do even the worst sleepers give up the fight? I guess I just hoped things would be a bit easier by now. Feel that I can't talk to people in RL as I know a lot of mums with toddlers his age or a bit older who already have or are expecting no.2 so they obviously don't feel the same!

Toddlers tend to sleep and eat better as they get bigger, stronger and burn more energy (usually by the age of 3-4). They also express themselves better verbally rather than through adverse behaviour. Although until then it can be hard. You are not doing anything wrong but a fixed regime can help for eg have set eating times and give normal food. Once that time is over clear the plate,even if the food is not eaten, your child won't starve because if hungry an otherwise healthy child will eat. Don't cave in and give rice cakes and fruit until after he has eaten the food you have prepared.

It is normal for 2 year olds to be clingy but engaging in activities with other children, family and friends where he is apart from you, but can see you or know that you will be back to collect him can help to reduce separation anxiety.

I was a former health visitor so have seen lots of children and based on your description your child's development is within normal parameters. You sound like you could do with a break and I wish I knew you so I could help.

I found it got easier at around 13 months, it coincided with me becoming pregnant and I think it was my reaction to ds that made him easier, I had morning sickness and also flu in the first trimester so there was alot of just getting through the day. I night weaned ds and he started sleeping through, my dp got up with ds in the mornings, ds would cry for mummy but often I'd be throwing up or lying in bed trying not to throw up and taking care of him just wasn't an option, dp entertained him, they often went to the park ( at 7 in the morning) and now ds is disappointed is pappa has gone to work before ds wakes up.

The other thing was finding places where ds doesn't need assistance, big open fields are great, we take a picnic blanket and I sit down and ds potters about.

I wouldn't have chosen to parent the way I have in the last few months had it not been necessary, we do still do tons of activities but I actually think being hands off and leaving dp and ds to entertain themselves has been really good for ds, he's happier than ever despite entertaining himself on occasion.

Wow thank you all for advice and thoughts. There is a lot of good advice actually, I agree with whoever said that stopping breastfeeding will help, and I know we probably need to reduce the 'help' he gets to go back to sleep, it's just that these things are so much easier said than done. Will definitely try to get DH involved. I think he has such an way ride sometimes. :-( I would have liked to carry on the career I've worked so hard for and yet still have a to cute toddler, 24 hour wraparound childcare and usually have dinner cooked for me too! Fatherhood is just so different. Oh well.

DS got up at 4am today for the third day running!!! He slept trough until then which is good but we couldn't get him back to sleep so he's now napping and I think I will too!

Fatherhood and motherhood is what you make it, being a father isn't easier that being a mother, you get involved commited mothers and fathers and you also get lazy uninterested mothers and fathers.

Sleep training is easier said than done and things will get harder before they get easier but i think you would feel so much better if you was sleeping well. Is your aim to have your DS in his own bed not needing to be fed at night? If so you could try getting a plan towards that such as only offering water and a cuddle at night. This may then help with eating during the day.

We had to work very hard at getting DS to accept doing things with daddy. DS was 2.1 when DD was born, and we generally alternated bathtime (One parent with one child each night). But DS decided that he only wanted me, so (a bit meanly)we told him that bathtime was always going to be with daddy if he whined about it. After a week or so, he'd learnt that daddy was quite fun too, and he accepts daddy very well now.

Sometimes you have to take on the battle, but it will get better in time...

Sorry you're having such a hard time. I agree with the others who've said your DH needs to get more involved. It might be hard work at first but toddlers do adapt quickly - it just feels endless but actually it won't take long. Why not try alternating lie ins at the weekend so on Sat you get one and Sun DH gets one? And start making plans for the weekend which mean your DH regularly needs to look after your son for a while. For example you could make it a regular thing that you do the weekly food shop (and get a coffee) while he takes DS to the park or does messy play at home. Or instead of food shop do whatever you fancy :).

DH and I used to give each other an hour of on Saturday and on Sundays. It only worked if the one not with the DC left the other alone. At first if I heard any crying I would go and see what was going on but then I learnt to leave DH and the DC to it.

Oh I could actually hug you - I have SO been in your shoes (still hovering in them in fact!)

Ds is 2.5 and I just wanted to give up when he hit 2 and still wasn't fucking sleeping through..... In fact, it got a lot worse around his second birthday and has only just in the last month improved. He was waking every 2-3 hours but had the manipulative skills to keep me there longer (I want water / story / a cuddle etc) in the end I went cold turkey and we had a hellish few days. On the other side of it now though, I got a gro clock - which works!!! It's like the little tiny sun is law to him!! He still wakes maybe once, but I can cope with that and I just go in and lie him down without talking.

Behaviour wise, he is still mega clingy if I'm honest. I try and plonk myself down with a prop that I try and pretend to be interested in (a book or something) so he gets used to me being there but not engaging. I found if I was stable - so not moving - he would move around me but let me do other stuff.

The last few months have been a massive developmental leap for ds, and the difference between him at 2 and now is huge. I am a lone parent, and when ds had just turned 2 I called my best friend sobbing and said I wanted her to adopt him as I just couldn't do it any more. He is now 2.5 and things have improved so dramatically that I reckon I will keep him now

Just wanted to send you a hug. The constant hovering over a 2 year old is hard. A DH who doesn't do as much as you expected is hard. Sleep deprivation is hard. Oh sister, you got it hard!

A couple of things that worked in this house - using a Groclock when sleep training; giving DH 3 hours 'off' at weekends and asking the same in return; getting a job I like (and a cleaner)but also...time.

Things got better a few months after he dropped his day nap (not right away, he still tried to get by on the same amount of night time sleep and no nap for ages, which just meant he was 'pinging' awake with over tiredness all night, was grouchy and super clingy in the day). So that was closer to 3 than 2. Then sometime after 3 imaginative play started in earnest and gradually he started to play a bit more alongside me as I did household jobs, then between 3-4 a miracle happened and I could be out of the same room for 10 mins or so without Mummeeeeeeee!

Then at around 4 I noticed that he had developed a lot of common sense so I didnt have to worry about him running into the road, finding knives etc. He's also much more able to handle and talk about his feelings and is basically a joy to have around. These all sound like little things but put together and they make a huge difference.

How about you go away for the weekend and leave them alone. 2 Nights for you in a reasonable hotel (premier Inn etc).

It will be a quick way of weaning (I too BF until that age and it is hard to wean when they can see you).

Your DH will have to step up and I almost bet the 2 of them will have a great time. Will give DH a chance to do things his way. And find his feet.

You will catch up on sleep ... 2 days and nights of rest and you will feel much better

Good luck