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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex Partner gone mad?

31 replies

Yepyep333 · 29/06/2014 15:26

Ex Partner comes to see our our 3dc at my house on weekends mostly Sundays, I have posted before that he will only have them at my house but that's an ongoing issue, I have bought an extra armchair that fits/matches perfectly into my home, anyhow today ex partner walks in and sees it and starts shouting 'what the fuck have you got another chair for? You are not right in the head, you have lost the plot' storms off into my kitchen leaving me bewildered and off he goes slamming the front door Shock
Am I missing something here? Why could anyone be so angry over that?!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 29/06/2014 15:29

No normal person would!

gamerchick · 29/06/2014 15:30

Does he still see the place as his? (if he's lived there before that is) my ex really struggled for a few years that the house wasn't his anymore.

Whereisegg · 29/06/2014 15:31

The chair is the least of your worries, stop him seeing the children in your home.
He takes them out, or nothing.

Don't let them hear him talk to you like that anymore!

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 29/06/2014 15:32

Its because you choose something for your home without consulting him. If I were you I would tell him he must sort out appropriate places to bring the children as you can not and will not facilitate his temper in your home.

Happydaysatlast · 29/06/2014 15:33

I would ban him from my house for talking to me like that.

How dare he swear at you in front if your children in your own house. That's abuse.

Thumbwitch · 29/06/2014 15:34

Ha. I reckon he thinks you've bought an extra chair because you have an extra bottom to sit on it - i.e. a new bloke - and he's gone off his head about it.

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2014 15:34

Is he still in the kitchen now?

AnyoneForTennis · 29/06/2014 15:35

Do you have a new partner? Bf?

Does he pay maintenence for the dc?

I'm thinking he is seeing you move on without him and he doesn't like this

How long have you been split? You need the contact to be out of your home or not at all....

WorraLiberty · 29/06/2014 15:35

Oh sorry, I see he slammed the front door.

He sounds totally bonkers Confused

squoosh · 29/06/2014 15:35

He sounds like a control freak.

Will only see the kids in your home, doesn't like you buying things for your home without consulting him. Huzzah to him being an ex.

When out of earshot of the kids tell him to fuck right off and to keep a civil tongue in his head if he plans to set foot in your home again.

foslady · 29/06/2014 15:36

Ban access to your home. No one has the right to speak to you like that in your own house (and log it in your diary for the divorce proceedings if he ends up being a twat about that too)

Thumbwitch · 29/06/2014 15:38

I agree with the others that the time has come to ban him from your home. He has no business even commenting on what you choose to buy, let alone in such a manner - so best thing is to remove that option from him by refusing to let him in the door ever again. I'm sure there is a local McDonalds/café/park/soft play centre where he can see the children - there is absolutely NO need for him to cross your threshold again.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 29/06/2014 15:48

The chair obviously signifies something to him which is clearly not apparent to you. The comment about the "extra bum" is possibly the right explanation.

Whatever it means, it doesn't really matter to you, or rather, it shouldn't. I'd take this outburst as a last straw and ban him from the house. If he wants to see the children it needs to be somewhere else. He's done you a favour, actually.

Original poster
Yepyep333 · 29/06/2014 15:50

Thanks for replying, to answer yes he does pay maintenance (when it suits him) I am so used to him talking to me like that Blush but I thought it was particularly strange to be so angry over a chair, I fear that if he can't see the children in my home he won't bother seeing them at all that's why I stupidly let him in/talk to me like that Sad

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 29/06/2014 15:52

Well he's a fuckwit then, if the only way he'll see the DC is in your home where he can continue to abuse you.
And I doubt it's in the children's best interests to see him under those circumstances, sadly. It won't do you any favours in their eyes either - they might think it's ok to treat you like that themselves as they grow older. :(

AlpacaPicnic · 29/06/2014 15:54

No, getting angry about buying an extra chair is not normal.

When one of my dear friends got divorced, he said how sad he felt that his ex had redecorated their home as it felt that she was trying to 'erase' him. But he said that to me, in private after the visit, and he acknowledged that she was right to do so, he just felt sad about the closing of that chapter of his life. If he'd reacted like your ex did, his ex would have told him to fuck off and I would have agreed with her!

StillFrigginRexManningDay · 29/06/2014 15:55

Sweetheart better to have a father who doesn't see them than a father who verbally abuses their mother.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 29/06/2014 16:08

Sorry but it really isn't your problem if he sees the kids or not. If he is abusive to you in front of them then it's hardly positive is it.

Where is he now?

Nanny0gg · 29/06/2014 16:10

better to have a father who doesn't see them than a father who verbally abuses their mother.

This^^.

If he can't see them at his house, get a contact centre. But get him out of your house.

How old are your children?

Icimoi · 29/06/2014 16:10

So, is the insistence on seeing them at your house his way of keeping an eye on you? Tell him he has to sort something else out.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/06/2014 16:20

That is certainly not acceptable behaviour. If you really must continue to let him into your house then next time I suggest a pole in the living room and a sex swing

HappyAgainOneDay · 29/06/2014 17:23

As foslady suggests, keep a record of every incident (however significant or not) where he is unpleasant to you. Things he says (for instance, what he said about the new chair), things he actually does (for instance, kick something in the house). A note of absolutely everything even swearing at you in front of the children. I did this and went for a divorce citing unreasonable behaviour. My list of words and deeds resulted in a foregone conclusion. Doesn't matter how many sheets of paper it takes.

hoobypickypicky · 29/06/2014 17:33

If the choice is:

A) Talk to you like you're a piece of shit and question the decisions you make about your home and how you spend your money, while seeing your child in your home and letting your children witness his behaviour

or

B) Punish you for refusing to let him be abusive to you by no longer being willing to see your child

FFS go for A!

His behaviour is controlling, abusive and no example to set to your children. Remember if he refuses to see your child because you won't toe the line and allow him to control, abuse and monitor you in your own home that is his decision and it is NOT your fault. You're NOT responsible for his choices or reactions to your perfectly valid, reasonable and responsible decision to protect your children and yourself.

It's simple - a contact centre with someone else supervising or nothing. Let that and only that be his choice. Take control back from him. If he makes the decision not to see his children in order to spite you he doesn't deserve to have contact with them.

Itsfab · 29/06/2014 17:33

Definitely what Thumbwitch said. He thinks you have a new man or else is just being a twat and trying to assert the authority he is under the impression he has. HE IS NOT THE BOSS OF YOU.

If you have to be abused to enable him to see the children then you are doing completely the wrong thing.

Don't let him in. Get the divorce/maintenance sorted and never let him in again.

hoobypickypicky · 29/06/2014 17:35

Oh god, I meant FFS go for B! I'm so sorry OP, I never in a million years intended to suggest that you carry on letting this man abuse you and your family. Blush

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