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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask you to share your experiences of a Wendy

85 replies

OnlyWantsOne · 28/06/2014 20:00

Reading other threads about relationships with friends has got me thinking about women in my life who have made deliberate and calculated efforts to exclude me from having a relationship with one of my close friends.

She's a bit odd tbh. What grown woman turns up at another person's house unannounced with a bottle of wine and an over night bag for a "GIRLY SLEEPOVER" and basically takes over the house and has a jealous rage about friend texting any one else when she's with her. Making face book status about how much they love each other etc. I let them get on with it now but when it first happened I was really upset

OP posts:

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 29/06/2014 22:39

I'm definitely happy to use Wendell. I know one in RL, and what a duplicitous arsehole he is!

SistersOfPercy · 30/06/2014 00:01

My Wendy managed to drive a wedge between my best friend and I in our late teens. She told her I'd said one thing, told me she'd said something else and then essentially told bf I no longer wanted contact with her.

At the time I'd just had a child,I was a single parent and very alienated and was told by Wendy that bf didn't really want the baggage of mate with child.

Fast forward to two years ago and I had a Facebook message from best friend. Tentatively we went out for lunch, compared notes and realised we'd been thoroughly wendied. We are very close again now. We don't see much of Wendy hehe

Minehaha · 15/08/2014 16:36

I am 54 years old and now realise was "Wendied" by my bf many years ago. It's such a relief to discover this term as I thought it was my fault. (Sorry nice Wendies out there) it was very upsetting at the time but I did move on. It was very subtle and I just couldn't believe someone I thought I knew could be so malicious. Still see Wendy as we are in the same small community but I now understand how she operates and keep clear. Tried to confide in another "friend" but wasn't believed ended up losing that friendship. I am a kind confident and well adjusted but Wendy is v charismatic and will always win because she has no conscience. My best advice is to back off and be yourself. You will be the real winner and Wendy will never be happy

LaQueenLovesSummer · 15/08/2014 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainbowInACloud · 15/08/2014 17:29

I've been on the other side of a Wendy situation.
We were a group of new friends (met through NCT). I thought they were all lovely girls but I am pretty easy going generally. After some time one of the girls began to complain that another of the girls was excluding her, not making her included etc. I TOTALLY couldn't see it and to be honest thought she was being too sensitive and thought 'well some people will naturally get on better than others'
Luckily all the other group members and I did not exclude the first girl; we just arranged to do separate things with her. We are still very good friends now. I always listened to her side of it (even though I did think she had half imagined it!) The Wendy was completely lovely to me at all times.
Until.... a few years later she began to distance herself from me and I felt a bit excluded and understood what my original friend had experienced. I talked to my original friend and it brought us closer I think.
But as the friend in the middle, it is so subtle as I didn't pick up on anything at all. I'm now pleasant (but distant) with the Wendy and close to the original group (who had also experienced it by then; one by one)

MewlingQuim · 15/08/2014 17:44

I got wendied at school.

By a girl called Wendy

After 'stealing' my best friend, Wendy then wendied her too.

Got my best friend back in the end, we were both rather hurt and confused by it all though. I never saw Wendy again but best friend saw her and Wendy pretended not to know her despite them having being inseparable for about 5 years

There are odd people in the world.

MewlingQuim · 15/08/2014 17:49

Like rainbow I was closer to my best friend afterwards. I didnt blame her at all. She was badly hurt by the experience and I felt very sorry for her. She had a lot of trouble trusting new friends afterwards

Stinkle · 15/08/2014 17:53

I was Wendied last year

I met her when I was out dog walking and got chatting. She'd just moved to the area, her child was going to be starting at my DD's school, didn't really know anyone locally, etc, etc.

I introduced her to some of my friends, we used to walk the children to school together in the mornings and stuff like that.

Long story cut short, I noticed she started trying to freeze me out and exclude me from things (a few other friends had also clocked it).

Then I attended one of DH's work dos and we discovered that my DH was her DH's boss. Her face was a picture when she realised. It still makes me laugh now, childish I know.

Lucyccfc · 15/08/2014 18:02

I have a friend who is turning into a bit of a Wendy.

She lives near me and didn't really know anyone when she moved here. I made an effort to be-friend her and also introduced her to my group of friends. All started well and we would have nights out and a good laugh.

Over time she started to arrange to do things with my closest friend. She would invite her round and not ask me. She would invite her shopping and not ask me. My closest friend and I have known each other for 30 years, so I was determined Wendy wasn't going to spoil that, but I was also happy she did things with others.

I have just made sure that I do things with both Wendy and my closest friend, but make lots of time just to talk to and still do things on my own with my closest friend, as I have always done.

Wendy can railroad people into doing things they perhaps wouldn't do - she can be quite forceful, without realising it, although she does mean well. I'm quite assertive, so just politely tell her to sod off and laugh. She does railroad my closest friend into stuff though, but she needs to deal with that herself.

I've never mentioned what I suspect Wendy is up to with my closest friend, as I don't want to sound possessive or jealous, but there's not a chance in hell I will allow Wendy to break a 30 year friendship.

Groovee · 15/08/2014 18:53

We had a mum in ds's year. Ds didn't go to playgroup but when he started nursery, my friend's wee boy was already there. We both went to a music group and this mum arrived with a right attitude one week who was new. A few weeks in she asked if ds went to the nursery and then pushed her way into us, like gatecrashing us going for lunch after the music class before nursery and one day she had a go about something I'd said about my childminder.

She was always arguing with the mum's who went to playgroup. Then one day she phoned me and said "Not seen you for a while, lets have coffee once we drop the boys in nursery!" So we're walking up and another mum who has always been lovely had a face like thunder and demanded a word! It all came out that she had been saying stuff about this other mum's child in the school office and another parent took it back to the mum, and when she tried to call her, she was ignored and got so mad that she did it at the school gate.

A few nights out soon brought out everything she had said and done over the years about people which actually she was the one saying and doing.

She then moved away with a very sudden move. She was friends with my other friend and 2 years ago I got a text from a very upset friend who had just been ousted out.

She was a bully who used other people to try and cover the fact she was the puppet master and they were her puppets!

She never had any real friends and people are very wary of her!

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