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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off he is ill

40 replies

McFlickle · 28/06/2014 18:51

And going to make me miss a party. Background is that we have a 6 month old DC who is EBF and won't take a bottle. DH felt like he was coming down with something on Monday/tues, but still chose to go out and get pissed on Weds to an all day lunch thing, rolled home late that night (so just me with the baby). Struggled into work Thurs, came home and went straight to bed (me and baby again) went in again Friday moaning and coughing.

Today he has slept in (me and baby up early) got up and sat in a chair moaning and now gone back to bed at about 4pm. I've done the dinner, bath bed routine on my own again. He is still asleep. I went out and bought him a load of stuff fro the chemist (then he moaned I got the wrong stuff).

The plan was we would take the baby as it a kid friendly party and she could sleep in pram and in car on way there and back. I've been looking forward to this for weeks. I've had my hair done, outfit planned, was meant to be seeing friends I haven't seen since having baby. I haven't been out since having her bar a couple of local early dinners and both times had to hear about how much she screamed and cried while I was out. (How dare I)

Baby is now asleep in her cot. I am reluctant to wake her to take her out on my own as it's a fair drive and pissing down raining, and he is dead to the world so I don't feel comfortable leaving her and going on my own.

I am seething with resentment that he has been absent for what feels like half the week, we had a massive row Tues because he told me "fuck you" when I snapped at him. Yes I snapped 'stop questioning me!" in answer to his inane questions as to why the baby was crying. Maybe I snapped as I've has approx 1 full nights sleep in 6 months. I know I am BF but he never helps in the night, sleeps in the spare room, gets up at the last minute before work so does nothing in the morning either.
And I am furious he is sick because he does not take care of himself properly and ends up sick. Goes on a massive bender when he already feels shite. I am now sat here in a quiet house, hair done, wearing a track suit with all the baby feeding and bath stuff to clean up on my own again, missing my party.

I know people 'can't help being sick' so I am probably BU. But I am so upset, pissed off and annoyed :-(

OP posts:
Casmama · 28/06/2014 18:54

While I can understand you being pissed off you are running the risk of being a it of a martyr. Take the baby as planned and have fun.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2014 18:55

Go out to the party with the baby, you're not going to feel comfortable leaving her with twat features.

Hopefully at the party she'll get cuddled and passed around everyone so you can relax with a glass of wine.

Annarose2014 · 28/06/2014 18:56

I'd go to the party with her. If the two of you were going you'd still have been waking her to go. Whats the difference with only you going?

Don't be sat downstairs like a fuming martyr. Just do what you want!

SmethwickBelle · 28/06/2014 18:57

YANBU and if you can possibly manage it I think going to the party even if you only stay for a little while might be a good idea. Sounds like you are going stir crazy. It does sound like he isn't pulling his weight. x

AuditAngel · 28/06/2014 18:57

I would also take the baby and leave him to it. If he complains, obviously you took her out to make sure he had a good rest so he can help out tomorrow and not miss any more dad and DD time Grin

parallax80 · 28/06/2014 18:58

Go to the party.

ShatnersBassoon · 28/06/2014 18:58

You're at the end of your tether, and I feel for you.

It's not his fault that you can't leave the baby at home with him though, it's just one of those things.

Just go as you'd planned. What could he do with the baby at the party that you won't be able to do on your own?

Joysmum · 28/06/2014 18:58

Baby is now asleep in her cot. I am reluctant to wake her to take her out on my own as it's a fair drive and pissing down raining

YABU

Clearly going the party isn't as umportantant to you and the want to feel pissed off at your DH. If you wanted to go then a drive in the rain wouldn't stop you.

Wishfulmakeupping · 28/06/2014 19:00

Go if you feel comfortable taking your baby and driving there and back but only if you feel comfortable doing it and if your not tired etc. I would be pissed off too- I get annoyed every year when my oh doesn't have his flu jab even though he's in and out of care homes, schools etc and always picks it up annoys me!

Littleturkish · 28/06/2014 19:00

Definitely go to the party- everyone will fuss you and you'll have a great time.

I know it is so so hard those first few months. Even great partners can do fucking stupid things that make you want to kill them, but a night out will do you good.

MamaPain · 28/06/2014 19:01

The only thing you are being unreasonable about is not going out on your own.

Yes he has been annoying and you are lacking in sleep, but hey you have a baby, its not a new concept. Also being annoyed won't change it.

What you can change is if you go or not, so go, enjoy yourself. If its too mud you can come home but it's much better than missing it all together. If you don't want to drive, call a cab.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/06/2014 19:01

I assume that your DH was going to drive so you could have a drink?

It does put a different dynamic on the evening when you are sober and in sole charge of a baby at a party, I do understand, but maybe you would feel better if you went anyway? I would give it a go if you can.

flyingtrue · 28/06/2014 19:01

Go without him, your DD may not even wake up and if she does the car may soothe her off again. Don't sit in and seethe, it's unproductive, go and have fun and let him wallow.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/06/2014 19:02

It sounds like a long drive though. I would be pissed off too btw

Hakluyt · 28/06/2014 19:03

Why don't you want to take her?

KiaOraOAotearoa · 28/06/2014 19:04

Just go on your own with the baby, don't get what's stopping you?

HumphreyCobbler · 28/06/2014 19:04

I hate driving when seriously sleep deprived though. It feels too dangerous to do it late at night, and add a screaming baby into the mix and you could have a nightmare. I understand your reluctance OP, but if you DO go I bet you would feel it was worth it.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 28/06/2014 19:05

Leave the baby stuff for him to tidy up. Get your glad rags on and take he baby with you. If you don't you will spend the whole night seething and getting more annoyed

He sounds like a nob, no wonder yoh are pissed of when you cant get a break.

Original poster
McFlickle · 28/06/2014 19:05

If he was awake and well we would have coordinated putting her straight in the car after final feed and go rather to sleep in cot then waking her up to go out. Stupid question it's my first baby will it be bad for her to wake her up now she is soundo? I feel a bit selfish.

I would be a bit nervous driving on my own as well especially in this weather but will try and summon the courage and do it. God I used to be so independent, I feel useless now, I get anxious.
Your responses have been very encouraging thanks

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 28/06/2014 19:08

well done OP, hope you have a lovely time. You will feel better for making yourself go!

Your baby will probably drop off very quickly in the car again. It really doesn't matter about moving her, she won't mind.

MamaPain · 28/06/2014 19:11

It depends on the child but yes it's ole to wake her. I personally would get everything ready so that all you need to do is transport her from where she is sleeping to the car and drive off. That ways, or at least with my DC, they would have stayed asleep or drifted straight off again.

RumAppleGinger · 28/06/2014 19:21

I hope you go to the party OP otherwise you will just sit and fume to yourself about twat features up in bed. The baby will be absolutely fine. Go and see your friends, show off your baby and your hair and have a good catch up.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/06/2014 20:10

Get everything in the car including baby car seat. Have car keys easy accessible. Pick up baby and cuddle on the way downstairs. Pop in car seat and drive straight off.

And tomorrow discuss endlessly what a great time you had (even if it was crap) and such a pity dh had to miss it.....

HermioneWeasley · 28/06/2014 20:14

Agree go and have a lovely time. And then tomorrow talk to "d"H about how he's a selfish twat

PortofinoRevisited · 28/06/2014 20:16

Definitely go to the party and tomorrow tell him he needs to get his arse in gear, or fuck off - he sounds like a lazy manchild.