To be pissed off he is ill

[McFlickle]

And going to make me miss a party. Background is that we have a 6 month old DC who is EBF and won't take a bottle. DH felt like he was coming down with something on Monday/tues, but still chose to go out and get pissed on Weds to an all day lunch thing, rolled home late that night (so just me with the baby). Struggled into work Thurs, came home and went straight to bed (me and baby again) went in again Friday moaning and coughing.

Today he has slept in (me and baby up early) got up and sat in a chair moaning and now gone back to bed at about 4pm. I've done the dinner, bath bed routine on my own again. He is still asleep. I went out and bought him a load of stuff fro the chemist (then he moaned I got the wrong stuff).

The plan was we would take the baby as it a kid friendly party and she could sleep in pram and in car on way there and back. I've been looking forward to this for weeks. I've had my hair done, outfit planned, was meant to be seeing friends I haven't seen since having baby. I haven't been out since having her bar a couple of local early dinners and both times had to hear about how much she screamed and cried while I was out. (How dare I)

Baby is now asleep in her cot. I am reluctant to wake her to take her out on my own as it's a fair drive and pissing down raining, and he is dead to the world so I don't feel comfortable leaving her and going on my own.

I am seething with resentment that he has been absent for what feels like half the week, we had a massive row Tues because he told me "fuck you" when I snapped at him. Yes I snapped 'stop questioning me!" in answer to his inane questions as to why the baby was crying. Maybe I snapped as I've has approx 1 full nights sleep in 6 months. I know I am BF but he never helps in the night, sleeps in the spare room, gets up at the last minute before work so does nothing in the morning either.
And I am furious he is sick because he does not take care of himself properly and ends up sick. Goes on a massive bender when he already feels shite. I am now sat here in a quiet house, hair done, wearing a track suit with all the baby feeding and bath stuff to clean up on my own again, missing my party.

I know people 'can't help being sick' so I am probably BU. But I am so upset, pissed off and annoyed :-(

I agree with the others. It's not your dh stopping you from going out...it's yourself.
He can't help being ill, but you can help being a jelly about getting there independently.

Now chop chop! Off you go!

Have you gone?

Oh and you raise valid points about your dh needing to look after himself better, but dont talk to him about it while you're still angry.

Hope you go and have a lovely time.

Your dh is being v selfish, and it doesn't sound like he's taking any responsibility for the baby at all. YANBU.

How is he being selfish? He's ill!!

I would be a bit less sympathetic due to the bender he indulged in when he was coming down with it though, that is very annoying.

He's selfish for never helping with baby, sleeping in the spare room and allowing the op to be sleep deprived for months, choosing to go out and get pissed all day Wed when he was already ill, telling the OP 'fuck you', leaving her on her own with the baby for half the week.

Can you take a cab to get to the party?

Hope you went to the party. You should have instead of sitting at home seething about not having help. At the party there will have been lots of people willing to help. No advice about dh tho. Sorry

Just got back from the party.
I 'womaned up' got ready and went. Didn't stay long but was good to see everyone, baby was good as gold and the drive was fine. Felt good not to hold myself back.
I had had it in my head that DH should come as he wants me to go to things with him and won't go by himself, but it was good to remind myself I was never like that and don't need to be now so thanks for the advice everyone!

Didn't see the bit about opting out when it suits him. I can see why you're annoyed.
Glad you went to the party. Now tell your husband you need more help and that he's not pulling his weight...and by his reaction you will know how to proceed.
He can't help being ill, but he needs to get his finger out or fuck off otherwise.

He felt like he was "going down with something" then went out and got pissed. Why do men continue to get away with this shite and why do so many women see it as acceptable?? It makes me furious.

OP, glad you went and had a good time.

Sounds to me like your dh's life hasn't changed much since you had the baby - he gets to spend all day getting pissed, take himself off to bed all evening/ all morning afterwards - leaving you to care for the baby. Would you be able to do all those things, if you were ill? i know you're bf'ing, but he should be giving you some leisure time/lie-ins too - to catch up on your sleep, relax etc.

Time to have a chat with him about stepping up, imo.

Ah, glad you went and enjoyed yourself.

I'd be annoyed with your DH too.

So glad you went, bet DH will be feeling better tomorrow when he finds out you've been all independent and you're not sitting at home mothering him!