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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my 4 year old return his stolen goods?

56 replies

OorWullie · 28/06/2014 12:46

5yo DS and I were in our local shop earlier, he had a bit of a hissy fit because I wouldn't buy him a kinder egg, I asked him to put it back- which he did, and he chose some crisps instead (fine).

Got home and he said "I don't have anything in my pocket", obviously this alerted me, I went into his pocket and pulled out the kinder egg.

I spoke to him about stealing being wrong, and that when I say no it's not ok to take it anyway. Obviously he has not been allowed to keep the kinder egg but I'm not sure whether I should make him take it back and say sorry to one of the girls working (i know them as i also work there) or if i should just explain next time i am in and pay for it.

Part of me thinks it will make it more "real" if DS has to face this himself and part of me thinks its a bit pointless as he has probably forgotten about it already.

OP posts:
charmund · 28/06/2014 14:45

My DD aged 4 stole the baby Jesus from her nursery nativity set - I made her take it back and apologise - she went scarlet but has never done anything similar and is now 14. Def make him take it back its a really important life lesson.

KurriKurri · 28/06/2014 14:48

Yes make him take it back and apologise.

Sorry - I know it's not really funny, but 'I don't have anything in my pocket' did make me smile, he was obviously squirming with a guilty conscience - which is good, I'm sure he won't do it again Smile

MerryMarigold · 28/06/2014 14:51

Definitely take it back. I made ds do this around the same age when he put something in the bottom of the buggy. It's a good lesson that you need to pay for it.

I am a bit Shock that you think he'd have forgotten about it already. He is 5 not 1.5! How much did you tell him off? He needs to go and apologise personally.

BeaLola · 28/06/2014 14:55

I would definitely make him take it back and say sorry. Agree that it would be good to warn shop as otherwise they might say something daft like "thats kind you needn't have bothered" or similar. Im sure he was all ready feeling bad hence telling you he had nothing in his pocket.

BanjoKazooie · 28/06/2014 15:01

I bet the shop will be nice about it. I don't think he needs a huge telling off but he should apologise. Maybe he could draw a card or something if you think it needs reinforcing.
In future you will be able to remind how he did the 'right thing' and how he felt happy after he apologised (assuming he does ). You really can turn these thingsi to positives if everything goes right.

I hope it all goes well.

BanjoKazooie · 28/06/2014 15:03

I suggested drawing something because he might, understandably, be really tongue tied if he is asked to apologise. Giving a card with an accompanying apology might be easier IYSWIM

EatShitDerek · 28/06/2014 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BanjoKazooie · 28/06/2014 15:17

EarShitDerek. I was always so nervous of that happening. Even if the Kids are in prams it's hard to watch their little grabby hands all the time. The problem is that it's a classic shoplifters method to use your kids to do the dirty work.

EatShitDerek · 28/06/2014 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWinnibago · 28/06/2014 16:32

Ooh Derek you've reminded me of the time my 1 year old nicked a handbag from Monsoon! She filched it off a rack and when we got home, I found it stuffed in her buggy!

I took it back next day and explained and the young woman looked at me like Hmm

I mean WHY look at me like that?? As if I'd nicked it but decided it wasn't nice or something!

jeee · 28/06/2014 16:37

When DS was 4 I found him skulking behind the sofa demolishing a cadbury's cream egg. l marched him back to Woolworths (DD helpfully telling him he was going to be locked up in a cage Hmm) and made him apologise (I obviously paid, as well).

The shop assistant was lovely - far too lovely, if you ask me. She actually told a very weepy DS that it didn't matter.

When DD3 was one she managed to slip a pair of glittery gap shoes into her buggy. I discovered them half way down the High Street, and walked back, with DD1 in floods of tears because she thought I was going to be arrested.

MerryMarigold · 28/06/2014 16:38

On another note, I have several items which the security has not been taken off. One was a gift. The other 2 I paid for. I am too embarrassed to take them back. I wish they checked my bags at the time and realised their mistake.

Muskey · 28/06/2014 16:41

I would make him take it back pay for it and then destroy it in front of him.

GatoradeMeBitch · 28/06/2014 16:43

He'll remember! But if you're going to take him do it as soon as possible.

Original poster
OorWullie · 28/06/2014 17:13

Hi everyone! Thanks to all for your replies and for reinforcing that taking him back was the right thing to do.

We took a walk up there this afternoon and he gave the egg back and said he was sorry for taking it without asking and giving pennies. He hid behind me and acted very sheepish when he was doing it so i'm confident he knows he was wrong and has learned his lesson! The girl in the shop was very nice but firm with him and he didn't get to buy a sweet when we were in either and it was explained to him why.

Marigold The reason i thought he may have forgotten is because he is quite immature for his age and instant consequences do work better with him- rest assured he did get a good telling off when i discovered what had happened.

Merry Thanks for your advice but I'm not really sure what that would have taught him, I think apologising and not getting to keep what he'd taken was enough. Destroying it would just have taught him to be destructive in future maybe?

OP posts:
Original poster
OorWullie · 28/06/2014 17:14

Sorry, the last bit of my post was for Muskey not Merry.

OP posts:
LoveBeingInTheSun · 28/06/2014 17:21

I know someone who did a similar thing and now works in law Smile

Muskey · 28/06/2014 17:28

My reasoning is that you may feel obliged to pay for it (I know I would) and then what would you do with the ill gotten gains. Perhaps it's just me but I know my dc would expect to have the kinder egg despite the fact that she had not deserved it........queue more bad behaviour

GilmoursPillow · 28/06/2014 18:03

There's nothing worse than telling your child off for taking something without asking and marching him over to give it back and apologise, and the person he's supposed to be saying sorry to just smiles and says "That's all right pet. You have it if you want it"

DD stole a keyring when she was about 7 or 8. I took her back and made her own up and apologise.

The shop assistant said "Oh, that's ok, ma'am"

I was stood behind DD, eyes bulging mouthing "NO IT'S NOT!"

MammaTJ · 28/06/2014 18:21

I did the same to my DD when she stole a three pack of chewits. I rang the shop and asked them to look at the CCTV, as DD was saying it was DS and DS was saying it was DD. While I was on the phone DD confessed. I took her back the next day and she handed them over and said sorry. The manager told her they call the police when they catch people stealing. He was perfect. Not too scary but not too kind.

I don't think she can even look at chewits without remembering it.

londonrach · 28/06/2014 18:28

Warn shop and take him back. I remember taking a free toy from a magazine at that age. In my deference it did say free how was I to know you had to buy the magazine first (I left the magazine). Lost the toy of course (pencil top) and mum was very disappointed in me for a couple of days. Never forgot and never took anything ever again.

livelablove · 28/06/2014 18:50

Aw this is so cute. I think just him knowing you think it is wrong and take it seriously enough to make him give it back and say sorry, will have a big impression.

gastrognome · 28/06/2014 18:57

Glad you went back to the shop.

My daughter did something similar when she was about 3.5. Came out of the supermarket and couldn't work out why her woolly hat was perched on top of her head, hip-hop stylee. Whipped off the hat and there was a massive packet of jelly sweeties that she'd nicked off the display by the tills.

I marched her straight back to return the sweets and apologise. But it was hard to keep a straight face - even though I thoroughly disapprove of stealing and gave her a proper telling off, it was so comical to see this huge pack of sweets "hidden" on top of her head.

She still remembers and wouldn't steal anything again, I don't think. She's very self-righteous about it now.

scotchtikidoll · 28/06/2014 19:01

You sound like a fantastic mum, OP. If my mum had ever caught me pinching sweets she never did then she would have smacked my arse, pure and simple. When my DS grows up I'm going to do it differently, like the way you did it.

scotchtikidoll · 28/06/2014 19:02

Not saying he will definitely pinch sweets! Haha!

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