to be upset about this

[x2boys]

My son was four last month he has a diagnosis of autism and learning difficulties ,he is going on a trip with nursery to a farm next week and they want to put a/wrist strap on him because they are afraid he wil wander off the thing is I have have never had to use reins or a wrist strap and we walk up and down a busy main road three times a day taking older Ds to school younger D's to nursery pickups etc when I stop he stops and he is too scared to let go of my hand even when we go shopping he walks around holding my hand .I could understand if he was a bolter but he isn't ?

The nursery are applying stupid logic.

Any 4 year old could wander off if they see something interesting or bolt.

Your child has no history of it.

My DD (now 16) has moderate LD's, Autistic tendencies, S&L issues.

She has just completed work experience and will be going to collage in September having gained the equivalent of GCSE's (to give you an understanding of were she is up to).

Until she could safely have a phone (and even then), I put her name, address and contact numbers, an explanation of why she wasn't communicating, in at least two pockets/bag etc.

This allowed her a greater level if freedom, I didn't have to shadow her.

She also appropriately played out with her sister, but we put safety measures in place, in different scenarios.

I spent a lot of time teaching her what to do if she was lost and deliberately took her on public transport.

Personally, I think it's sensible that the school is doing this and your DS might not like having to always hold a member of staffs hand, he might like the increased Independance that having these measures can allow.

He will be in a whole different Senario than being out with you, in a familiar place.

It's sounds to me that the school are just expecting the unexpected.

""The nursery are applying stupid logic.""

It isn't the wandering off, I would guess, it's the time factor in the child's inability to communicate to a stranger when upset by being lost.

That's my POV as a parent of a similar issue child.

Communication issues, is the biggest issue that makes my DD vulnerable/life more difficult.

tethersend that's not what I meant. It's normal for children to act differently at home than it is in school- both NT and children with additional needs. After all, the rules, boundaries and consequences are different to home, so we shouldn't be surprised if behaviour is different too. We often find parents are surprised at parents' evenings when the teacher mentions how polite the child is, because the parents don't see that side of the child. Or maybe children are nervous and insecure at school because they are more confident when their primary carer is around.

The OP mentions that he is often too scared to let go of her hand- so how does he act when she is not there to hold?

No, the onus shouldn't be on the OP to find out herself, but if nursery aren't going to tell you then you will have to ask. There could be something that the nursery haven't mentioned because it is 'normal' for their setting- not realising that it isn't normal for the OP's DS. Or perhaps something that is of little consequence in a nursery setting, but worries them in the context of a trip out. For example, he may not like to hold another adult's hand, which is fine in nursery, but they may have a policy of holding hands while out and about so have tried to think of an alternative.

And perhaps if she asks the nursery she will find out that there is a genuine reason for wanting the strap, or maybe she will be able to allay their fears.