Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to family funeral against doctors advice

43 replies

wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 21:26

I have done some major damage to my neck which has resulted in the gp putting me on some rather heavy duty pain and muscle relaxant meds.

A close relative's mum died last week and the funeral is next week, I was brought up calling her Gran and have known her my whole life and am quite upset at her passing amd desperately want to go to the funeral. Unfortunately it is a 170 mile trip each way and due to medical appointments the next day I will have to do it there and back in one day. The gp has told me I am not meant to drive.

I feel fine on the meds, not sleepy or distracted but nit sure if I should heed the advice or say bugger it and go. All the family know I have been unwell and have told me not to go if I am in pain etc and would not be upset etc but I feel awful.

Wibu to go?

OP posts:
Annunziata · 27/06/2014 21:29

Don't be so bloody daft.

I am sorry you've lost your Gran.

whereisshe · 27/06/2014 21:32

Is there any other way you can get there? Train?

Has the GP told you why you're not to drive (ie is it dangerous or just bad for your recovery)?

It doesn't sound like a good idea, but I can understand why you're considering it.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 21:34

Unfortunately the train would take too long and I would not be able to do it there and back in a day.

He is worries about my recovery but there are possible side effects to the meds that could make it dangerous to drive. So far I have been fine but only done local droving

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 27/06/2014 21:34

I know it might be expensive, but could you try ringing one of those airport taxi door companies and see if they'd cover this? Might even be cheaper than the train with their rates and time tabling.

KitKat1985 · 27/06/2014 21:35

Ultimately it's up to you. But I would say to get a train / taxi, etc if you've been told not to drive. You may feel okay to drive but it's not worth the risk to yourself or other road users.

gordyslovesheep · 27/06/2014 21:36

the not driving thing may not just be for YOUR sake - you may present a danger to other users by not being able to move your neck and have a safe view of your mirrors/over your shoulder - it may even effect your insurance if you drive against medical advice

I'm sorry for your loss but yabu x

Suttonmum1 · 27/06/2014 21:37

I think this will be against your insurance policy if you have been told not to drive.

KitKat1985 · 27/06/2014 21:37

You should be aware as well that if you have any accidents whilst driving on meds against medical advice your insurance company are unlikely to cover you.

Annunziata · 27/06/2014 21:38

You are putting yourself and other people at risk. Driving 340 miles in one day is tough on anyone without a funeral and then you want to put dangerous side effects on top of this? Your gran wouldn't have wanted you to do that.

puntasticusername · 27/06/2014 21:38

I understand why you want to go so badly, but sorry I really don't think you should drive. Imagine if you hurt yourself or someone else doing so - Gran wouldn't have wanted that, would she?

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

Viewofthehills · 27/06/2014 21:38

I am so sorry you have lost a dear relative, but I am sure that if you do this against medical advice and have an accident, any accident-it wouldn't have to be your fault, you wouldn't be insured.
Quite apart from that 340 miles is an awful lot of driving for anyone in one day and would probably aggravate your neck.

You can't do this safely. Can you send a message, perhaps a treasured memory to be read out at the service? Maybe you could find somewhere quiet to sit and think of her while the service is taking place?

Original poster
wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 21:39

My insurance is fine as he hasn't said outright I cannot drive just that I need to be careful of the side effects as they could make it dangerous - i have already checked that!

OP posts:
greenfolder · 27/06/2014 21:39

370 miles in a day is pushing it when well.

Send some flowers, if you are that way inclined, go to your local church at the time of the service and light a candle.

Go when well and spend time with the family.

Would she really wish you to put yourself at danger?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2014 21:39

It is like driving drunk - you feel you are fine, but the alcohol (or in your case, the drugs) have impaired your ability to judge how impaired you actually are. And it is just as dangerous as driving drunk - not only for you, but for other people on the roads too.

If you did have an accident, your insurance wouldn't pay up, and if you caused injury or worse, you could be prosecuted.

I am so sorry for your loss, but it is not a risk you should take, IMO. Sorry.

SmallBee · 27/06/2014 21:41

I am so so sorry for your loss, but please don't drive. I know you feel fine at the moment but it is a long way to drive & that really changes things.
As someone has said already, it's not just your wellbeing you're risking. Driving whilst on meds against a GP recommendation is foolish at best & as irresponsible as drink driving.

Goldmandra · 27/06/2014 21:42

What would 'Gran' say if you asked her?

My bet is that she was the kind of person who would have told you not to be so ridiculous and that there is no way you should be risking your own health to go to a church service.

Find a different way to commemorate her passing. I'm sure that's what she would have wanted.

MyPrettyToes · 27/06/2014 21:43

The gp has told me I am not meant to drive.

he hasn't said outright I cannot drive just that I need to be careful of the side effects as they could make it dangerous

Which is it?

I, too, am sorry for your loss but you are barmy to even consider this.

NorbertDentressangle · 27/06/2014 21:44

Please don't drive.

You'll be putting yourself and others at risk.

You have a few options:

  • change one of your appointments so you can go/return on a different day which will mean you can use public transport
  • find a friend/family member who will drive you there and back that day
  • don't go, but do something at home to celebrate and remember this woman's life another way.
WooWooOwl · 27/06/2014 21:46

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

I understand you wanting to be there, but clearly you aren't safe to drive if you have a major neck injury and are taking heavy duty pain killers.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 21:48

I cannot change my appointments unfortunately

Hadn't really thought about the drink driving comparison so thank you.

I will hope that dp can get the night off work and then he can drive me.

Thank you for helping me see past my grief xx

OP posts:
lastnightIwenttoManderley · 27/06/2014 21:51

Could you catch the train up the night before?

creampie · 27/06/2014 21:51

Have you actually checked with your insurance company that you'd be covered? I'd start with that.

todayisnottheday · 27/06/2014 21:53

It will invalidate your insurance, the box says do not drive or operate machinery if drowsy or words to that effect. Anything that goes wrong will be tied back to the drugs if there is even the slimmest chance it's connected (and insurance companies have a whole other level of slim!

Other than that it's just plain dangerous, you may not notice the drowsiness day to day but after 170 miles and an emotional event you probably will! I'm pretty certain no-one will want to be worrying about you driving home when they've also had an emotional time.

Sorry for your loss and the dreadful timing of your illness.

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 27/06/2014 21:54

Could you catch the train up the night before?

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 27/06/2014 21:55

Oops.. Stupid phone!

Swipe left for the next trending thread