Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to go to family funeral against doctors advice

43 replies

wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 21:26

I have done some major damage to my neck which has resulted in the gp putting me on some rather heavy duty pain and muscle relaxant meds.

A close relative's mum died last week and the funeral is next week, I was brought up calling her Gran and have known her my whole life and am quite upset at her passing amd desperately want to go to the funeral. Unfortunately it is a 170 mile trip each way and due to medical appointments the next day I will have to do it there and back in one day. The gp has told me I am not meant to drive.

I feel fine on the meds, not sleepy or distracted but nit sure if I should heed the advice or say bugger it and go. All the family know I have been unwell and have told me not to go if I am in pain etc and would not be upset etc but I feel awful.

Wibu to go?

OP posts:

EverythingCounts · 27/06/2014 21:55

Definitely don't drive yourself. As your appointment is the next day, could you take the train the night before and book a cheap hotel? If not, you can honour your loved one at home - light a candle at the time of the funeral, pray or just think about them, look at old photos. They would understand.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/06/2014 22:02

I'm sorry for your loss.

I am on hefty doses of painkillers for my disability. I have checked with the DVLA, my GP, my Pain Management Consultant, my Spinal Surgeon and Pelvic Surgeon, it is ok to drive on them and it does not invalidate your insurance. On the box it says, may cause drowsiness, if affected do not drive or operate machinery.

It is the may and the if that are the most important words.

I would not drive that far in one day in your condition OP because it could well make your recovery longer. I hope your DH can take you.

Original poster

wheresthelight · 27/06/2014 22:07

Fairy as I said further up I have checked and for the same reason as you I am covered by my insurance

And for everyone else please read my last post where inlaid I would be getting dp to drive me if he can get time off work

OP posts:

PersonOfInterest · 27/06/2014 22:18

I hope your DP can drive you.

Regardless of the drugs, driving for hours with a neck that is already injured would be a really bad idea. Just sitting in the car for that long could be uncomfortable.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/06/2014 22:20

I hope your dp can drive you. If he can't, is there a friend who would drive you?

You are making the right decision, and I am sorry that it may mean you missing the funeral.

Catpawprint · 27/06/2014 22:23

How about a relative with a tablet/ iPhone doing FaceTime or Skype (even voice only) so that you can be part of the service?

Kundry · 27/06/2014 23:28

DVLA rules are that you should not drive for 2 weeks after starting some pain killers or any dose increase. This clearly only applies to some painkillers - without knowing what your 'heavy duty' ones are it's difficult to advise you.

ShoeWhore · 27/06/2014 23:34

I'm really sorry for your loss OP.

Hope you can get your dp to drive you. That's a lot of driving in one day at a difficult time even without the medical/painkiller stuff to factor in.

If it's not possible for dp to take you, perhaps you could think about another way to say goodbye? I'm sure your Gran wouldn't want you to put yourself or anyone else at risk.

whereisshe · 27/06/2014 23:34

I think if you do decide to go you should have a back up plan in case you can't manage the driving once you're underway and get stuck somewhere.

GoringBit · 27/06/2014 23:35

I don't think you should go... it's clear that you want to, but train, car, whatever, it could harm your recovery. I'd suggest you stay home and pay your own tribute to her on the day... raise a glass, say a prayer, whatever feels right, and care of yourself.

musicalendorphins2 · 28/06/2014 06:43

I am sorry for your loss.
Please don't drive, my son got in a car accident driving in pain and tired. (he is ok, it was couple of years ago ago),
Maybe you could send an e-mail to someone to the funeral home and ask someone to read it if it will make you feel better?

Hoping your dh will be able to get off work.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/06/2014 17:55

send flowers you would never forgive yourself if you had an accident due to being on meds and killed someone.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 28/06/2014 17:59

oops sorry misses the bit where you said DP would be driving, cant see the problem then if you think you can cope and are prepared to take the risk of delayed recovery.

GreenPetal94 · 28/06/2014 18:28

So sorry to hear this, but I think you may be best to mourn at home. Going to a funeral is not essential to dealing with the loss of a loved one.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/06/2014 19:15

Sorry your Gran has died.
hopefully your DP can drive you.
Obviously you can't drive yourself.
Might you find any comfort/ solidarity by attending a local church (or other landmark of significance) at the time of the funeral?
I've had to do this before. It helped a little bit.

PicaK · 28/06/2014 21:02

Sorry for your loss.
Don't go. In the nicest possible way, this might be adding to your friend's stress. She knows you want to be there - don't distract her anymore.
Use the petrol money saved to make a charitable donation. Light candles, think of your gran.

Hulababy · 28/06/2014 21:08

I the doctor has advised you not to drive your insurance may be invalid.

WeAllHaveWings · 28/06/2014 21:17

You are doing the right thing by not trying to drive yourself, the combination of 340 miles in a stressful and emotional day along with painkillers and an injury is too risky for you and others. Hope you find a solution. Sorry for your loss.

Flip

1 2